


Wonderland

by an_alternate_world



Category: Glee
Genre: (Brief) Physical Abuse, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Homophobia, Implied Character Deaths (Non-Graphic + Unknown OCs), Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence - Parent/Child + Spousal, M/M, Mental Health Issues - Depression, Out With A Bang Big Bang, Psychological Torture, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-08 07:56:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 79,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4296804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/an_alternate_world/pseuds/an_alternate_world
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The After was a world where trusting people was unsafe. There was no 'innocent until proven guilty'. There was no 'trial by jury'. If you were Reported, you would be punished on Death Day. </p><p>Blaine Anderson had always longed for something different: a true friend just like Before. </p><p>Then Sebastian Smythe transferred. </p><p>Then he was Shortlisted. </p><p>Then Blaine feared the world too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Secondary art has been embedded within the story._
> 
> [ _You can download the fanmix here._ ](https://www.dropbox.com/s/pq6l0qmjqrzojj1/Wonderland.rar?dl=0)
> 
> _First, I want to extend a HUGE thank you to the **GleekMods**  for inviting me to the 'Out With A Bang' Big Bang late last year. I remain honoured to have been nominated and am incredibly grateful for all my questions you've patiently answered because I'm a skittish, anxious pain in the butt sometimes. After some hiccups with artist pairings, you were extremely helpful in connecting me with a new artist. This Bang was exceptionally well-organised so thank you for allowing me to participate._
> 
> _Second, I want to extend a thank you to my wonderful artists:[ **Deb**](http://www.gleekmom.tumblr.com) ( **Gleekmom** ) and [ **Sam**](http://www.amaradex.tumblr.com) ( **amaradex** ).  **Deb** , I know you've been following my writing for a long time and I'm so glad we got to work together. The cover art is gorgeous and I think it really captures the tone of the story. Thank you for putting up with my pedantic requests to make adjustments on a whim :)  **Sam** , thank you so much for stepping in as a pinch-hitter when my other artist gave me grief. Your art is beautiful and I absolutely adore the contrasting scenes you chose to illustrate. They were so vivid in my head and seeing them in art form blows my mind._
> 
> _Third, I want to extend a thank you to[ **Dee**](http://www.ttinycourageous.tumblr.com) ( **ttinycourageous** ) and [ **Maggie**](http://www.eddiethallen.tumblr.com) ( **eddiethallen** ) for encouraging me throughout this multi-month monstrosity and putting up with all my whiny, stress-riddled texts recently. I'm sorry I've been such a pain in the butt. I'll try not to annoy you so much in the future - but no promises!_
> 
> _Lastly, and the biggest thank you of all, goes to my magnficient cheerleader[ **Carmen**](http://www.nightflashtian.tumblr.com) (current URL -  **nightflashtian** ). This fic would never have been finished without your support, encouragement and excitement the past couple of months when I've been really struggling, and you know it. I owe you such a debt of gratitude and if I could get to Indiana at the end of this year to hug you, then I would. I wish I had the words to express my gratitude but I can only hope the finished story will be as good as you've hoped x_
> 
> _And now I'll stop rambling and just cross my fingers that this is as good as Carmen thinks! Please be conscious of the warnings. I know there are a lot. This is much darker than what I usually write._
> 
> * * *

**Title:** Wonderland  
**Author:** an_alternate_world  
**Rating:**  NC-17  
**Characters/Pairing:** Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe  
**Word Count (Whole Fic):**  79,640  
**Summary:**  The After was a world where trusting people was unsafe. There was no 'innocent until proven guilty'. There was no 'trial by jury'. If you were Reported, you would be punished on Death Day.  
Blaine Anderson had always longed for something different: a true friend just like Before.  
Then Sebastian Smythe transferred.  
Then he was Shortlisted.  
Then Blaine feared the world too.  
**Warnings/Spoilers:**  Implied character deaths (non-graphic + unknown characters); Psychological Torture; Suicidal Thoughts; Mental Health Issues - Depression; Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence; Homophobia; Underage Drinking; Alternate Universe - Dystopia  
**Disclaimer:** I am in no way associated with  _Glee_ , FOX, Ryan Murphy, or anything else related to the FOX universe

* * *

Art by Deb ([gleekmom](http://www.gleekmom.tumblr.com))

* * *

**Chapter 1**

* * *

He woke to the crack of gunfire.

It was probable that he had missed some shots while asleep but once awake, he counted eleven shots separated by long minutes of waiting. Coiling his sheets closer to his chest, he felt misery stab at his chest.

At least eleven lives taken.

At least eleven families grieving.

Unless, he reasoned, some of the guilty were from the same family. If that was the case, the grieving multiplied exponentially.

The sunlight crept through the shutters on his window, a golden glow cast over his sparse collection of acceptable books and appropriate toys. A threadbare teddy sat atop his bookshelf with eyes that witnessed his tormented sleep. His fingers curled into the soft fabric of his sheets. Another night of terror left him feeling as exhausted as yesterday.

Blaine wished he remembered Before but everything had changed before he was born, before Cooper was born. Few people talked about Before, but his father told him about the range of books you could read, the freedom to travel interstate and overseas, the luxury of rich foods and fine wines, the array of gifts sourced from exotic locations, the camaraderie between neighbours and family and friends. Blaine listened with rapt attention and fascination at the world his father described. There weren't books for Before, nothing with pictures that showed what life was like. He knew because he'd tried to find them once, when he was five and had gone to the local library. He was too young to understand the implications of his questions, too naive to realise the dangers it had placed him in. The terror in his parents' eyes had been unmistakable though and they'd firmly explained to him that he couldn't ask about Before.

It was only later that he discovered his life was spared because of his age.

At seventeen, he was poised to finish high school. When he did, he would enter the workforce like all eighteen-year-old graduates. His mother had lamented the inability of her boys to attend college, a privilege rarely afforded since educated people asked too many questions, but Blaine didn't mind. He didn't know college like his father. He didn't know what he was missing. After years of rigorous lessons and challenging tests, he was more than ready to spread his wings and leave behind the pressures of education.

Not that he was leaving home. He wasn't granted that right until he was at least twenty-one.

Finishing school came with its own set of concerns – finding a job. His father had offered him a role at the music store, perhaps in the hopes that Blaine's love of music would entice new customers through the door. He couldn't tell his father that his interest in music was waning though nor did he think a job in a music store would challenge him for long.

He didn't know what sort of job would challenge him though. Each week the population numbers shrunk. Not to mention there were a finite list of jobs deemed suitable for high school graduates.

Peeling away the sheets, he mentally prepared himself for another day at school. On Wednesdays, anyone could be grieving for a family member or friend. Classes were always more subdued on Wednesdays too, the content less interesting. It was as though an unspoken agreement had formed when classmates were all old enough to understand that frivolity and joy on Wednesdays was disrespectful. When classmates disappeared, or when they returned a week later with red eyes that never faded, Blaine wasn't sure why quiet was only observed on Wednesdays. Blaine didn't think people ever stopped grieving if they lost someone on Death Day.

As he dressed, Blaine glowered at his reflection. He disliked the school uniform and couldn't wait to be rid of it within a year. The white shirt was scratchy against his belly and the navy blazer was boxy and uncomfortable. The grey pants never seemed to fit, maybe because they'd once been Cooper's and his mother would periodically loosen them when Blaine grew. The only thing he liked was the tie. He liked the way it cinched around his neck.

He looked himself over in the mirror and was irritated by the unremarkable uniform.

The workforce uniforms weren't much better. Starched of colour and stiffer than a cardboard box, Blaine eyed his parents' uniforms with disdain which left him unwilling to don his own in less than a year. The limited use of colour in work clothes was, to Blaine, a deplorable waste. He could remember when he'd first seen a multicoloured smudge in the sky. Cooper had called it a 'rainbow'. There were too many colours for Blaine to identify and even Cooper hadn't known them all. Colours weren't important After. His father had said it was unnecessary knowledge for an ordinary person so most people didn't learn them.

Blaine had pieced together the main ones over the years. He'd learned the sky was 'blue' and the grass was 'green'. The yolk of an egg was 'yellow' while the clear part that solidified when cooked was 'white'. He knew not to touch a fire when the coals were 'red'. When the fire was extinguished, 'brown' logs had turned 'black'. He kept his knowledge to himself though. After all, no one else needed to know such useless information. He'd been warned him that too much knowledge was a dangerous thing and curious minds could be Reported. He didn't want to be punished on Death Day because he knew too much about  _colours_.

His dislike for the school uniform aside, Blaine  _did_  like the walk to school. It was far enough that he felt the burn in his calf muscles by the time he arrived at his destination. His muscles often ached with phantom pains but it reminded him he was alive. His journey took him along flat roads lined with trees, their coiling and curling branches twisted into elaborate patterns. When the weather cooled, the leaves transformed into shades of red and yellow and other colours he didn't have names for. Then they would swirl to the ground to create a crunchy carpet. In the spring, the trees would bloom again with green leaves and pale red flowers.

His father always seemed glad he didn't know Before, because sometimes people were Reported simply because they were old. Blaine was never felt convinced by that logic. Even if he'd been Reported, even if his days were numbered, he felt like he'd be happier that he'd accrued answers to his questions.

Upon entering the school gates, Blaine saw people milling around with distant expressions. It was disrespectful to ask if you knew someone that might have been Reported but they all knew it was a possibility. Sparse scraps of conversations would be exchanged with fleeting glances or backward steps from anyone that got too close.

Blaine contrasted with the aimless crowds, striding across the front lawn of the school where he found Nick and Rachel at their usual table. They were tucked into the corner of an alcove. Few people passed this spot because it gained minimal sunlight and always felt cold.

"Hey," he said, pulling the strap of his bag from his shoulder as he approached. Rachel looked up from her book and Nick's pencil paused above his sketch pad.

"Morning," Rachel murmured as he slid into his seat beside Nick. He peered at the drawing, the way his friend had captured the light falling through the leaves onto the lawn. It was impressive and Blaine was envious of his friend's talent. He wished there was a way to capture the actual image. They could take photographs Before but cameras were destroyed After, during the Purge.

Nick managed a tired smile and Blaine squeezed a hand to his friend's shoulder. Nick's sister was killed on a Wednesday years ago. Every Wednesday was a reminder for Nick of that same grief they'd all experienced for weeks,  _months_ , afterwards.

Rachel lowered her head back to her book and Blaine gazed across the lawn.

Sometimes Blaine wanted to burst with words. He wanted to talk about musical arrangement using instruments he'd dreamed. He wanted to ask Rachel what it was like to kiss someone because she'd had a boyfriend before he'd graduated last year and moved for a job. He wanted to ask Nick if he saw the world like he drew it, in shades of black and white with outlines and highlights or in startling colours that Nick couldn't name.

It was days like this, days when he was struggling to keep the words from flying off his tongue, that he didn't care whether it was a Wednesday or not. He just wanted to  _speak_ , he wanted to converse with someone in a way which went further than shallow pleasantries. He'd known Rachel since they were small children but he felt trapped by the layers of propriety and obedience to a system so oppressive it was heavier than an elephant on his chest. Sitting with Rachel and Nick gave him a place to sit, some insulation against the tendrils of cold loneliness, but he didn't think they were  _true_  friendships.

True friendships were something he'd only read about. They were typical Before, when people trusted other people, but After, where you could be Reported without evidence to support accusations, it wasn't safe to talk. His world was built on paranoia and fear and Blaine loathed the long stretches of silence that invaded the time he sat with Rachel and Nick. It felt like they didn't trust him.

If he were being honest with himself, he wasn't sure he trusted them.

There was some tittering among the crowds on the lawn that morning. Something shifted across his skin like an unfamiliar and scratchy fabric but he dismissed it as the crisp cotton of his shirt. It was just a silly superstition to be so quiet on Wednesdays. Frustrated with the silence, he was quick to leave Rachel and Nick's company when the bell rang.

As he walked away, he had to remind himself of the reasons why he sat with them. It wasn't like they were terrible people. He enjoyed Music with Rachel even though she wanted to sing  _everything_. Sometimes the teacher tried to mix it up but when Rachel realised an opportunity was passing over her head, she mounted such a loud and passionate protest that she would win the solo. He enjoyed his art classes with Nick even though Nick's talents outshone his own. Blaine had a better appreciation of colour but Nick had form and texture, light and shadows and the ability to leave secrets left in the spaces. He beat them at Math because he found it easy to lose concentration among a stream of numbers and letters. It made sense. It was logical. It was right or wrong, good or bad. It didn't require him to practise.

He entered the Math building and huffed at the door which continued to squeak. His fingers closed around blank space that he wished someone would fill. Sometimes he just wanted to talk to with abandon about his day or feelings. Sometimes he just wanted to feel the warmth of someone's hand in his own. Sometimes he just wanted to know what it was like to kiss someone. Sometimes he just wanted to know what felt like to touch bare skin, disposing of pretence until the person was vulnerable and exposed.

Some nights, his fears gave way to pleasant dreams. The dreams were so intense that he woke up with flushed and sweaty skin and a discomforting weight between his legs. In the morning, he didn't feel refreshed or satisfied from the dreams. He'd never been sure if he preferred the dreams or the nightmares.

He filed into his Math classroom, tilting his head down and to the left in a sign of respect to Mister Matthews. Mister Matthews was an older man, someone who would have seen life Before, but his steely gaze and no-nonsense approach their learning made it clear he had no interest in discussing that time. Blaine wondered how some people coped After when they'd known life Before. How did people accept all the changes? How did people accept a Government that issued so many restrictions?

Mister Matthews began his lecture when the last student sat down. Blaine shared a smile with a blonde girl across the room who was brilliant at Math and incapable of much else. They were rivals in the class, competing for the highest marks and edging each other out with fractions of a percentage on the many tests and exams.

Blaine had started on the work assigned for the rest of the lesson by the time Mister Matthews had finished speaking. Manipulating the formulas was mindless. The rules never changed or gave him cause for concern. Numbers were reliable and safe. No one had ever been Reported because they-

Every eye in the classroom snapped to the door when a faint knock sounded and the handle squeaked. Blaine looked around, searching for someone that was late, but the regular students were there. He watched, as stunned as anyone else, when as a tall boy entered the room and bowed his head with a tilt to the left.

"A new transfer, Matthews," the principal said as she followed the boy into the room. She was a female who always dressed in black. Her bob of black-streaked, chocolate-coloured hair was tucked behind her ears. Her impassive face and choice of clothing often featured in his nightmares about the executioner. Her mere appearance caused such anxiety that he'd never dared learn her name. "We were caught with administration papers. I apologise for the tardiness."

Matthews eyed the new boy with distrust, as did everyone else. They'd forgotten about completing the assigned work. Transfers were a rarity, especially those of school age.

"Don't be tardy again," Matthews said gruffly. He pointed to a spare seat along the opposite wall, where a red-haired girl had once sat. She hadn't returned to school after a long weekend.

Blaine watched the boy keep his head low and his eyes averted from the unashamed stares of the rest of his class. He was taller than Blaine and his shoulders were broad. His hair was like the fresh bark that peeled from the trees after a summer fire. His face was pale but held a small amount of colour, like the sun had kissed him faintly bronze. Blaine noticed how long the boy's fingers were, distracting him with the way they curled around his pencil as he began copying notes. He could see the boy's arms were angular beneath his blazer but the rest of his body shape was lost under the layers of fabric. Despite how much he stared, Blaine couldn't see his eyes past the strands of hair – but he wanted to.

"Back to work!" Matthews grunted and the attention of Blaine's classmates returned to their books.

Blaine wasn't sure about everyone else – he didn't care enough to check – but he struggled to focus on his work. Instead, he stole looks at the new boy who appeared fixated on completing the work as elegantly as possible. Blaine never knew anyone could hold a pencil like that. The boy's thumb and index finger were poised against the wood and Blaine could see the small bones of his hand arched beneath the stretch of his skin. The back of Blaine's neck felt warm when he wondered if the boy would pose for Blaine to sketch – or if he could convince Nick to sketch the new boy so he had a picture to hide in a secret place in his room. Was that too creepy?

When the bell rang, Blaine had completed the work but it had been slower than usual. Looking at his books revealed the disjointed handwriting caused by his lazy concentration. He felt ashamed as he turned in his exercise book to Mister Matthews to check. When he realised the new boy was already gone, he left the classroom.

He wasn't surprised that no one else had hung back to say hello to the new person. Transfers were so rare that Blaine wanted to see the up close boy. Perhaps others were so paranoid that they had no interest in reaching out. There had been a story a few years ago of transfer students enrolling in schools in other towns. It eventually came out that they were planted by the Office of the Sheriff to Report dissenting students and their families. Since then, transfers between towns had reduced and those who transferred in were treated with more distrust and disdain than anyone you might have grown up with.

The new boy appeared in front of him, fiddling with the strap of his bag and holding a piece of paper. A frown marred his face, his lips pursed together in an obvious sign of frustration. Blaine guessed the paper was his schedule and the boy was lost. Biting his lip, he wondered if the other boy was wary of others but he stepped forward.

"Hi. Do you need some directions?" he said in a rush, before he could lose his nerves and run away with hands covering his reddening face. The words blended together and he knew he'd butchered. It would be a wonder if the stranger understood anything he'd said.

The new boy's eyes rose from the paper to meet Blaine's anxious, flitting gaze. Blaine's throat tightened at the stare. The eyes were almost as piercing as Mister Matthews but coloured like the fresh leaves in spring and dappled with streaks of blue sky. He was glad he hadn't seen the boy's eyes in Math. The distraction would have been immense and-

The edge of the boy's mouth quirked as he looked Blaine up and down. Blaine realised, with a flush, that his mouth was ajar in shock or surprise or awe or-

"I have Chemistry," the boy said, his voice hushed. He glanced at other students watching them. Evidently the boy understood why people would be distrustful of his transfer status.

"So do I!" Blaine said, his exuberance crushed by embarrassment. He fiddled with the hem of his blazer and pressed his lips into a shy smile. "Do you…want to walk together?"

Blaine could see the mental calculation taking place in the other boy's mind. It was there in the slight narrowing of the boy's eyes, his gaze so intense Blaine thought his secrets had imprinted on his skin. It was clear this boy was suspicious and Blaine wished for a time when making friends was easier. He hated the system and the persecution but he kept quiet in front of the new boy's scrutiny.

"Sebastian," the boy said, hesitating a moment before he folded his schedule into his pocket.

Blaine ducked his head but managed to look up through his eyelashes. "Blaine."

The boy, Sebastian, nodded and Blaine began to lead him through the corridor. He was ready to explode with questions. Where had Sebastian come from? Why was he here? Had he moved before? When had he arrived? He was only quiet because of something in the glances Sebastian kept shooting. As mysterious as Sebastian was, he could be a danger.

In the end, Sebastian broke the silence.

"So did you grow up here?" Sebastian said, the knuckles of his fingers white with the grip he had on his bag. Blaine thought it was strange. No one held onto their bag that tightly.

"Yeah." Blaine wrinkled his nose before shaking his head. He pushed open a set of doors to cross the quad to the Science block. "It's pretty boring. Nothing happens except- Well…" He made a gesture with his hands that didn't actually convey anything.

"I get it," Sebastian said, inclining his head to the side before pressing his lips together. It looked like he wanted to say something else was hesitating again. Blaine wished he could squeeze words out of people easier. This stupid Gover-

"Blaine!"

He looked around at the call of his name, spotting Rachel rushing across the quad. He waved as she approached but her dark eyes were scanning Sebastian, her brows furrowed in distrust.

"You're new," she said, her frown deepening and her lips settling in a flat line. "We never get new people."

"Rachel!" he hissed. Rachel's lack of filter tended to be one of her biggest flaws. Too often she came across as rude and abrupt.

Sebastian was quiet a beat too long. When Blaine glanced at the other boy, he noticed Sebastian's strained smile and distant stare. He almost took a step forwards with the intention of offering Sebastian comfort before realising he knew nothing except the boy's name.

"My mom got a new job," Sebastian said, his gaze settling on Blaine then Rachel as if to silence them from asking further question. "Chemistry?"

Blaine squeaked when he realised they'd gotten distracted and grabbed at Rachel's arm. He dragged her beside Sebastian, hopping a little to keep up with the taller boy's loping stride. Rachel tried to question him in a whisper but he didn't have any answers for her. He also didn't want Rachel asking Sebastian and scaring the new boy away. If he was a decoy placed by the Office of the Sheriff, then they could all get into trouble.

They rushed into Chemistry five seconds after the bell, averting their eyes from Mrs Fredericton when she frowned at their tardiness. Sebastian collected a textbook and then moved a stool to the bench Rachel and Blaine were at.

"He's our new lab partner?" Rachel said, her nails sinking into Blaine's elbow in a sign of her distress.

Blaine shrugged and cast a look towards Sebastian. The boy was listening to Mrs Fredericton starting the lesson at the front of the room. "Guess so," he said when he looked at Rachel, shaking off her hand and attempting to focus as diligently as Sebastian.

* * *

It was clear that Nick was suspicious of Sebastian from the moment he spotted the boy following behind Blaine and Rachel. Nick's hazel eyes narrowed and he folded his arms over his chest. Blaine wondered whether Nick was wary because Sebastian was new or because it was a Wednesday and Nick already felt vulnerable.

Sebastian was quiet during lunch as were Nick and Rachel. Blaine felt frustrated with his friends' behaviour and searched for an ice-breaker topic they could discuss. Sebastian didn't appear fazed by the behaviour but Blaine didn't think the new boy would sit with Nick and Rachel again. They weren't being…rude but it was uncomfortable.

Nick caught Rachel's elbow when the bell rang and steered her towards the Arts building. Blaine lagged behind, wanting to reassure Sebastian that they weren't usually like this.

"Your friends are thrilling," Sebastian said with a sly grin curling the edge of his lips. "I can see why you sit with them."

Blaine tried not to wrinkle his nose at the observation. Rachel thought it was cute and he already felt embarrassed enough. "They made an awful impression, didn't they?"

Sebastian shrugged and got to his feet, picking up his bag and pulling it over his shoulder. The grin widened, a sparkle appearing in the eyes that Blaine wanted to paint. "Lucky your ass made an excellent impression on me earlier."

Blaine didn't think he'd ever blushed so crimson in his life. He was still staring after Sebastian long after the boy had entered the Human Sciences building.

* * *

_**~TBC~** _


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

* * *

It soon became clear Sebastian wasn't like anyone else in their town. Asking questions wasn't unheard of but it was rare – until Sebastian joined Blaine's classes. For the first few days, he turned to Sebastian in surprise when he saw the pale hand raise. Once the novelty wore off, he became almost as exasperated as his teachers that Sebastian was always curious. Sebastian never challenged the lesson content – something that could be Reportable if someone saw it as undermining the Government – but sometimes Blaine felt a level of discomfort that made him want tell Sebastian to keep his mouth shut. Perhaps the teachers offered him a degree of leniency because he was new. Perhaps they thought Sebastian had transferred from a town which permitted his questioning. Still, he worried about Sebastian and the view others had of his association with the other boy.

As much as he worried about Sebastian's safety, Blaine found him fascinating. There was a twinkle in Sebastian's eyes that drew him closer, like a moth to a flame. There was a curl to Sebastian's lips that was like a hook behind his navel tugging him closer. Too many people were like the robots on Blaine's shelf. The Reporting, the fear, the weekly gunshots that echoed across the town kept people obedient. Sebastian… Sebastian was a breath of fresh air, a spirited young man who seemed ignorant of or ambivalent towards the unspoken horrors that occurred every week.

Sebastian wasn't ignorant though nor was he stupid. Sometimes Blaine saw the distance in Sebastian's eyes and the fear etched in a twitching muscle of his nose. Sometimes Blaine saw Sebastian's downturned lips and the restlessness of his hands which betrayed his anxiety. He wanted to reach out, to ask what weighed on Sebastian's mind, but he kept quiet because it was just what society  _did_. Asking too many questions was dangerous. It was instilled in him after his adventure to the library. Curious minds were dead minds. It was a concept he didn't think Sebastian had learned.

He knew spending time around Sebastian was a problem. It was like flirting with the danger of being Reported. No one knew who Sebastian was so it would be easy to see him as an enemy of the state. He  _knew_  that.

Yet, try as he might, he couldn't resist the other boy's allure. His body turned towards Sebastian when he was around. He paid attention to every word that dripped from his lips. He absorbed every flicker and emotion in the green eyes emotions in the hopes of guessing at the unspoken thoughts.

The only comfort was that it appeared Sebastian was just as unable to steer clear of him.

"Do you want to get a coffee after school?" Sebastian said as he jogged up to Blaine in the main quadrangle. He knew Sebastian had just come from French. He wished it didn't seem so weird that he had Sebastian's timetable memorised.

He turned to Sebastian, shifting his bag on his shoulder as their steps aligned. "Coffee?" he echoed before realising he sounded like a fool. He could process what 'coffee' was. "Sure. Coffee sounds good."

"Awesome." Sebastian grinned and bumped their shoulders together. "I'll meet you after Lit."

He watched Sebastian head off to Biology and wondered what his quickened heartbeat meant.

* * *

Blaine was distracted through Literature, doodling circles and stars in his exercise book and stealing glances at Sebastian. Sebastian was interesting from a distance but Blaine was concerned about getting too close. What if Sebastian wasn't as put together as he appeared? What if he was a transfer designed to weed out dissenters in the school? What if the association between them saw  _Blaine_  Reported?

When the bell rang, Blaine's stomach was alive with butterflies again. He hoped his cheeks weren't as red as they felt. Sebastian flashed him a wide grin as he approached and they fell into step together. Sebastian's glided through the crush of people swarming to lockers and doors to meet friends or return home.

"Did you have a coffee place in mind?" Blaine asked as he walked beside Sebastian through the quiet north-west quadrangle.

"No, I just wandered out of the school and was hoping I'd end up at a coffee shop," Sebastian deadpanned. It took Blaine several moments of looking at the other boy to determine that he was joking.

He already knew that Sebastian was capable of appearing confident, almost arrogant and cocky. He'd seen Sebastian shift his legs and raise his jaw, his stance becoming stoic and a determined facial expression settling on his lips and eyebrows. He'd guessed Sebastian's resilience was also his persistence. At other times he'd heard Sebastian make comments with no emotional connection, with a distance in his eyes and vulnerability in his hunched shoulders. It left Blaine uncertain how to read the other boy. He couldn't reconcile the two sides of Sebastian as one person.

"I was just checking since you're new," Blaine mumbled, staring at his shoes. He wanted to prove himself to Sebastian, to obtain a new friend willing to disregard the rules and speak without restriction, but he felt inadequate. There was an inequality between them because of too many unknown variables, like the circumstances around Sebastian's arrival and the inexplicable fluctuations in his moods and expressions. He was never quite sure who the other boy was and what he felt or thought.

And Blaine couldn't just  _ask_.

"Blaine." Sebastian bumped his elbow into Blaine's upper arm. "Your thoughts are so loud I can't even hear my own. Relax."

Blaine forced a smile that made Sebastian rolled his eyes, his mouth turning down with displeasure.

"What's wrong?" Sebastian said, spinning to a stop beside a tree. Blaine paused a step later, chewing on his bottom lip. "Come on. Talk to me."

Blaine envied Sebastian's ability to inquire into someone's thoughts. He'd spent almost thirteen years of his life too afraid to ask questions after looking for a history book.

Sebastian continued staring at him, his green eyes pools of patience and curiosity. Blaine sighed, his uncertainty about saying anything deflating.

"I… I've just never met anyone like you before," Blaine said. He scuffed his shoe against the ground and looked anywhere but Sebastian. "You're interesting and…sometimes I think all your questions makes you dangerous but…I feel really dumb and quiet and boring compared to you."

"You're only quiet if you're not speaking," Sebastian said, his voice calm and steady which made his words easier to believe. "I've never said you can't speak freely so say whatever you think, say anything you like. As for dumb or boring, I can tell from the sparkle in your eyes that you have a lot to say that you're holding back. Maybe if you stopped restricting yourself, you'd realise how intelligent you were."

Blaine glanced up at Sebastian, scratching the back of his neck. "But I… I can't speak freely. None of us can. I don't even know you."

Sebastian frowned, lips pursed together. He seemed to be deep in thought for a long moment before he finally spoke. "Blaine, I'm not going to Report you."

"I'm sure that's what all those informants said when they infiltrated schools!" Blaine said with a wild wave of his hands before he folded his arms over his chest and tried not to scowl. Blaine cared that people could Report him but he also wasn't stupid enough to undermine the Government. He lived within the system and he wasn't going to be outspoken and criticise it. He understood the consequences.

"So then what's the problem?" Sebastian said, leaning against the tree. "What is it you want to know?"

Blaine didn't even know where to start. Maybe that was why he felt so inadequate. Sebastian was an enormous mystery, someone he wanted to decode but someone so aloof that he didn't know what to ask. The door thrown open to any questions Blaine could ask was… overwhelming.

"Alright, fine. How about this?" Sebastian pushed off the tree and shrugged his bag off his shoulders. "I'm an only child. I live with my mom. We moved here because…" Blaine watched the pink of Sebastian's tongue dart across his lower lip and the catch in his breath as he hesitated. "We moved because there was a change in our circumstances. We requested a transfer and it was granted. I'm gay. I like singing and dancing. My favourite colour is green. My favourite type of ice cream is vanilla which is the distinct opposite of how I like my sexual experiences."

Blaine's face turned scarlet and Sebastian winked at him.

"What else do you want to know?" Sebastian prompted, eyebrows rising.

Blaine blinked as he tried to store all the information he'd received. As always, Sebastian was nothing like anyone he'd ever met. No one tossed around that sort of information.

"That… I think that might cover the basics for now," Blaine said, teeth digging into his lower lip as he peeked at the other boy.

"You're sure?" Sebastian said, edging towards his discarded bag. Blaine nodded and unfolded his arms, fingers fidgeting in front of him. "So… Coffee?" Sebastian prompted and with another nod, they resumed walking.

"So you're gay?" Blaine said after couple of minutes of awkward silence. There were several beats where he realised he didn't know where he was going with the conversation. "That's, um…"

"Was that too forward? Is this town not accepting? I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," Sebastian said, completely misreading Blaine's discomfort. He could feel his cheeks warming again.

"No, it…" He thought about three guys that had put him in the hospital when he was fourteen. He couldn't tell Sebastian about that. "I just… No one else has ever just… _told_  me something like that," Blaine said, fiddling with the hem of his blazer. "It's… Your ability to just…admit things is… It's intimidating."

He could feel Sebastian's gaze on him as they rounded a corner to the right, taking them in the direction of a small row of shops. He had a feeling he knew which coffee shop they were going to. It was the one Rachel liked so much because there was a tall guy that worked at the automotive store across the road. Compared to Rachel's stature, the mechanic was a giant.

"Intimidating?" Sebastian echoed, sounding puzzled. "I don't see a need to hide who I am from people."

"Yes, but…" Blaine shrugged and his eyes flicked to meet Sebastian's. "It's just unusual."

Sebastian conceded the point with an incline of his head towards Blaine. "If I can't be honest about the types of people I like to sleep with, then I'm letting myself down."

Blaine rubbed a hand to his cheeks in an attempt to dispel the blood pooling within them. "So you…you have a lot of…experience then?"

"Enough," Sebastian said as they crossed the road and approached the small strip of shops. "I'm only seventeen, after all."

Blaine wasn't sure if that mattered but he was afraid of betraying his innocence. Sebastian could ridicule his naivety and he didn't want that. It was still tense enough at home when his father expressed his disappointment in Blaine's 'preferences', like it was something Blaine could change with enough condescension and rebuke.

Blaine looked towards the automotive store but couldn't see the giant that Rachel was so enamoured with. He was certain Rachel had Finn's work schedule memorised but he'd never cared enough to ask. What Rachel did in her spare time was her own business and he didn't want to interfere. He worried about her, just as he worried about his parents and Nick, but anyone paralysed by fear usually didn't survive long. Once the fear took hold, depression, despair and hopelessness usually followed.

Sebastian paused by the coffee shop to follow Blaine's gaze. A brief flash of curiosity quirked his eyebrows before he opened the door. Blaine heard the quiet tinkle of the bell and smiled when the blind Dachshund perked its head from the basket in the corner.

It was a coffee shop that Blaine would describe as 'quaint'. Mismatched couches, armchairs and stools gathered around generic circular tables. The takeaway containers were all the same but, if you chose to stay, there were a variety of cups, mugs, saucers and teapots.

It was usually empty. Staying and talking in such a quiet, public location meant an increased risk of being overheard. Any misstep in your words could lead to a Report.

Katrina, the woman who owned the shop, poked her head around the corner and a grin spread across her face. "Blaine!" she cooed, stepping past the counter to reach for him. "I haven't seen you or Rachel in too long!"

He accepted her hug and she patted his back with her large hands. "Senior year has been busier than we expected," he explained as she pulled away and assessed him with a single look. It was a bit of a lie. He thought he'd become less trusting of society and withdrawn from interacting with it.

"And so you forget about everyone to focus on school?" She tutted before her attention to Sebastian. "Twice in a week? I must be doing something right."

Blaine looked up to see Sebastian's amused smile. "Good coffee has that effect on people," Sebastian said and Katrina beamed at him and scurried behind the counter. She dropped a pale green apron over her discoloured work uniform and pulled her wild blonde curls into a ponytail. Katrina had a knack for remembering orders, perhaps due to her infrequent patronage.

Blaine stopped fidgeting by Sebastian's side to move towards Bobby in his basket. The dog raised its head as he approached and he crouched and held out his hand. Bobby sniffed at his fingertips before his thin tail began thumping into the bedding. A pink tongue darted out to lick at Blaine's fingers.

"Hey, buddy," Blaine whispered, scratching behind Bobby's ears and making the dog's eyes close in delight. Sometimes he was convinced one of Bobby's parents had been a cat. He rubbed his hand down the Dachshund's back, scratched his upper chest when the stubby arms parted then returned to rubbing his neck and behind ears.

"He likes you," Sebastian said, his voice unexpected and close behind Blaine. He turned to see Sebastian hovering a few steps away, two takeaway cups in his hands and a look that almost seemed fond in his eyes.

"He should," Blaine replied, giving Bobby one last pet before rising and taking his cup from Sebastian. "I've known him more than ten years."

Blaine caught Sebastian's eyebrows arching in surprise as he waved at Katrina and they exited the shop. Sometimes he stopped and drank in Katrina's shop but not if he had company. Katrina tended to linger around her customers because she was desperate for human interaction. Blaine understood her loneliness but it made him uncomfortable that his conversations weren't private and his words could be misconstrued. The first time he'd taken Rachel, the girl had insisted on sitting. Katrina had popped out every few minutes to offer some biscotti or a slice of cake or a refill.

Blaine led Sebastian a couple of blocks away from the shops until they reached a park. The air was just starting to chill with the approaching winter although they were still deep in the autumnal months. The trees appeared to be giving up hope for further warmth and starting their transformation from green leaves to warmer shades of brown and red and yellow. Blaine loved fall and winter, delighting in the crunch of leaves beneath his feet and the warmth of a scarf around his neck. He was less appreciative of the cold which numbed his fingers and toes but the first flurry of snow… That made the cold worth it.

He sat on a bench in the park and Sebastian settled beside him. Their fingers cradled their coffee cups and their gazes wandered around the emptiness of the park. Sometimes Blaine wondered how much noise existed Before, whether children flocked to play on the equipment after school in squealing droves with parents that chatted about inane details. Too many things were abandoned, relics of the past left to rust and decay.

"So you've always lived here?" Sebastian said, folding one leg over the other and adjusting himself to look at Blaine.

He nodded, twisting the cup in his hands. "My parents grew up here and never saw any reason to leave Before. My brother was granted leave to go to Los Angeles and assist the production of videos for the Government about five years ago."

Sebastian sipped from his cup and continued to watch Blaine. He'd never felt more scrutinised in his life. "Do you think about what it's like beyond your town?"

"Of course I do," Blaine said in a rush. He stopped, took a breath to calm himself down, and focused on not spilling his soul to someone he still didn't know. "There's a sense of safety though in what you know, and who you know."

"But people still get Reported."

Blaine winced at the blunt assessment of the weekly life and looked down at his hands, tracing the coffee cup with his thumbnail. "It's inevitable, isn't it?"

"There are worse things than being Reported," Sebastian whispered, so soft Blaine wasn't sure he was meant to hear it. He peeked out of the corner of his eye at the other boy but was too afraid to ask what Sebastian meant. He couldn't imagine anything worse than facing lethal punishment for a crime you may not have committed.

The silence dragged on a beat too long before Sebastian broke it.

"Are you gay?"

His eyes flashed to Sebastian, who looked curious but composed. A slight tilt to the edge of the other boy's lips had returned and Blaine's fingers twitched against his cup.

"Y-Yeah," he confessed, dropping his eyes to the cup. He wasn't sure why it seemed shameful. It was lawful to be gay. It was lawful to express it. Sebastian was gay as well.

"And you claim there's nothing fun around here to do?"

Blaine frowned before he raised his head to look at Sebastian.  _Fun_? "Uh… Well, I mean you can see a movie and-"

"I could watch a movie at home," Sebastian interrupted while Blaine searched for something that might seem exciting.

"There's an aquarium?" he said with a scrunch of his nose. An aquarium sounded like something he might have gone to with his grandparents, despite them all being dead.

Sebastian leaned closer, close enough that Blaine felt a tiny shiver run down the back of his neck. He could feel the puffs of Sebastian's breath tickling over his skin, the faintest traces of his spicy cologne invading his nose.

"I'm not talking about  _that_ ," Sebastian murmured against Blaine's ear and he found it even harder to concentrate. "How do you find people more interesting than your friends at school? Where do you go to let loose, dance like a lunatic, get drunk?"

Blaine blinked, his head turning towards Sebastian. The other boy was only a couple of inches away and he felt his breathing hitch in his chest at their proximity. He couldn't remember anyone ever encroaching into his space this much. "I- I've never been to such a party. I'm not even sure we have them."

Sebastian tutted beneath his breath and Blaine felt the puff of warm air float across his neck and seep beneath the collar of his shirt. At least that was what he told himself as his blood heated in his veins. "Every town has a group of people wanting to have fun and forget for a while."

Blaine forced a not-quite-calm breath into his lungs as Sebastian stayed where he was, long enough to make Blaine's stomach quiver. He didn't understand this boy and the reactions he had around him.

Sebastian pulled away and reclined into the seat as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn't just made Blaine dizzy with the shortage of oxygen to his brain. "I guess I'll have to find out on my own then," Sebastian said, his voice nonchalant but his eyes sparkling with something Blaine thought was anticipation. "Would you like to come?"

Blaine had no idea what Sebastian was hoping to find and he had no experience with parties where people danced and drank to know whether he wanted to go or not. But…it was Sebastian making the offer and he still wanted to prove he wasn't some boring teenager with no interest in actually living.

He hesitated before releasing a shaky breath. "Sure," he agreed, feeling warmed by the pleased smile that spread across Sebastian's face.

"And if we're  _really_  desperate, I'm always a fun thing to do."

He choked.

Sebastian grinned.

* * *

_**~TBC~** _


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

* * *

It took almost two weeks for Sebastian to find what he was after. Two weeks in which a few who disliked the chill of the wind on their skin brought out their scarves earlier than most. Two weeks in which Sebastian sat with Blaine and Nick and Rachel until the iciness of the other two began to thaw. Two weeks in which Sebastian's questions during class began to slow. Two weeks in which Blaine noticed Sebastian's lips mouthing different words while the school recited the Pledge of Allegiance. He wondered if Sebastian's previous town had said something else.

Two weeks in which he began to feel less like a newborn foal on unsteady legs whenever Sebastian was around.

"I found a party," Sebastian said as they crossed the quadrangle from Math to Chemistry on a grey Thursday which seemed to have bleached colour from the rest of the world. "Tomorrow night. Starts at nine. You want to come?"

Blaine swallowed, not knowing what to expect from a large gathering of people. The last party he could was Rachel's bat mitzvah when she turned thirteen. It was a formal occasion with loud family members and religious leaders flocking to Rachel's father's house. He'd smiled politely most of the night, sometimes mistaken for her brother, sometimes mistaken for a Jewish boy needing to have a bah mitzvah, sometimes mistaken for her boyfriend. Although he'd been proud of Rachel and glad to celebrate an important occasion, it wasn't an event he could say he'd enjoyed.

Sebastian was still waiting when Blaine looked at him and he felt his cheeks flush. "Sure," he mumbled, tugging at the collar of his shirt. "I'll give you my address and you can pick me up?"

Sebastian's grin was so wide Blaine thought he saw every tooth in the other boy's mouth.

* * *

Blaine hadn't considered the problem of his limited social life on his party preparation plans until it was too late: what was he meant to  _wear_? He didn't know what sort of party it was and his wardrobe wasn't well-stocked because most days he had a school uniform. Were jeans in bright colours inappropriate? Should he wear a button-down or a polo shirt? Did wearing a bow tie put him in the same sort of doddering company as his dead grandfather or was it 'hip'? Should he wear socks with his shoes? How flat should he make his wild curls?

He stressed himself to the point of muffling a yell into the pillow just to relieve some of the tension building in his stomach. He should have asked for more details from Sebastian. Where was the party? What was the average age of the people going? What was likely to happen? He wished he'd thought of it earlier. It would have made composing an outfit that appeared casual and cool easier. He feared he was going to look too forced and formal.

At one stage, so frustrated with himself and his inability to choose something as simple as  _clothes_ , he wished he'd turned down Sebastian's invitation.

Dinner broke his hours of indecisiveness and he returned to his room to settle on a pair of charcoal grey jeans, an emerald green polo and black loafers. He agonised over a bow tie before finally deciding against it. He could always wear one next time.

It made his stomach twitch at the thought of there being a 'next time'. After two weeks with Sebastian, he no longer felt so inadequate. He still didn't say much and was still cataloguing many of Sebastian's expressions. He'd begun to notice a myriad of inconsistencies that made him wonder who the boy was beneath the glazed surface. He supposed everyone wore masks, everyone faced the world with a particular appearance, but he hadn't grown up with Sebastian. The boy's mysteries were intriguing and Blaine was snagged in the allure.

Once he'd dressed and returned the rejected clothes to their respective drawers and coat hangers, he flopped onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. Sebastian would be arriving in about fifteen minutes which gave him enough time to evaluate his outfit and fidget with the hem of his polo. His toes curled and uncurled in his shoes as his heart ticked off the seconds until Sebastian arrived.

He heard the low rumbling long before he realised what it was or before he realised it was getting closer. His thoughts drifted with the possibility of dancing with Sebastian or meeting new people or drinking until he was tipsy. An image burned its way into his brain of lingering on his doorstep with Sebastian's hand on his lower back, his face inches away from Blaine's, his eyes dark in the low light from the street. He could feel his breath shortening, his tongue licking his lips, as Sebastian leaned closer and-

"Blaine! Someone's here for you!" his mother called up the stairs.

He blushed and scrambled off the bed, adjusting his pants and his shirt and running a hand through his lightly gelled hair. He gave himself one final look in the mirror. He couldn't change his mind now.

"Blaine?"

"Coming!" he said, grabbing his wallet and keys from his bedside table and rushing from the room. His feet thumped on his descent to the front door, pushing his wallet into his back pocket and his keys into his front pocket. When he looked up, he hoped his eyes didn't widen as much as it felt.

"Hi," Sebastian said, the side of his mouth raised in a smile that made Blaine's heart jump.

"Hi," he breathed, startling when his mother coughed behind her hand. He tried not to fidget with the loop of his belt too much.

Cynthia Anderson eyed Sebastian up and down, her expression inscrutable. He thought there was something in her eyes that might have been okay with him going out with another boy but the flat line of her lips made her look…disdainful. Maybe she knew Sebastian was new and a danger to society and-

"Be safe," she said, tilting her head with a slight raise of her eyebrows that made Blaine's neck feel warm, like his mother knew something he didn't.

Blaine wasn't sure his mother knew what Sebastian had planned, mostly because he had no idea what Sebastian had planned. He nodded anyway and kissed her cheek, grateful she wasn't going to start a fight in the foyer. "See you tomorrow," he said as he grabbed his black jacket from the hook and followed Sebastian. The darkness that sheltered their walk down the path allowed him to look at Sebastian's back and wonder, again, if he'd chosen the wrong outfit.

Sebastian's tight blue jeans highlighted his long, lithe legs that the shapeless school trousers had hidden. The hint of a pale blue collar had exposed the hollow of Sebastian's throat which was usually concealed by the top button and tie of the school uniform. The shine of his leather jacket in the orange streetlight made Blaine's throat dry.

He hadn't even realised there was no car parked outside his house until Sebastian stopped by the curb. Blaine's eyes were definitely wide as he looked past the other boy's arm.

"You have a  _motorcycle_?" he said, his voice bordering on squeaky. He tried to pretend the grin on Sebastian's face didn't widen.

"Cars are too mainstream," Sebastian said with a casual shrug. He moved towards the container at the end of the bike, popping it open to reveal a navy blue helmet that appeared to have black wings on the sides. He held it out to Blaine. Blaine was just glad the light would erase the pink from his cheeks.

Blaine took the helmet from Sebastian's hand and traced his fingers around the fabric inside. "I'm surprised my mother didn't ban me from leaving the house," Blaine said with a shy smile. "She hates bikes."

"I promised her I'd never had an accident and would return you in one piece. If I failed, she could take off one of my arms," Sebastian explained, pulling his own helmet from the handlebars and shoving it over his head. It looked to be a dark red with some sort of pale, zigzagging lines circling it.

"You should value your limbs more than that," Blaine said as he squeezed the helmet over his hair and smiled when he heard Sebastian's chuckle. Sebastian turned to watch him struggle with the straps of the helmet but only his eyes were visible through the raised visor. Blaine thought Sebastian would be amused by his obvious lack of knowledge about what he was doing and was grateful when the other boy's hands reached out to secure the helmet around his neck.

It was only then that Blaine realised that putting the helmet on was the easy part.

He was thankful the helmet shielded his face from Sebastian's gaze because his cheeks had to be on the verge of bursting into flame.

Sebastian held the bike steady and Blaine tried to pretend his fingers weren't trembling as he touched the other boy's shoulders and raised his leg high enough to swing over the back of the seat. He'd learned to ride a pushbike, years ago, but a motorcycle was new and the level of closeness required was nerve-wracking. At first he'd settled his hands on his thighs once he'd eased himself behind Sebastian but then the other boy's hands had grasped his wrists. His arms had been wrapped around Sebastian's waist and settled against the other boy's stomach.

_Well then._

He focused on keeping his breathing and heartbeat steady in case Sebastian could feel it. Grasping at the boy felt like an intimate gesture when he didn't know Sebastian well. Sebastian twisted the key and the bike began to purr beneath them, his heel raising the kickstand. Blaine's feet found the footpegs to rest on.

He couldn't believe he was doing this.

Sebastian revved the bike a couple of times before pulling away from Blaine's house. He trundled along the street which allowed Blaine the opportunity to get used to moving. He was incredibly conscious of the way he was clinging to Sebastian's body. Anxiety had turned his stomach to liquid and he was scared about falling off. Thus far, Sebastian hadn't made any sudden accelerations or made Blaine feel he was in danger. They turned a corner and Sebastian's body tilted to the side and Blaine leaned with him, gaining confidence in the unfamiliar experience of using the taller body as an anchor.

The bike slowed as it approached a red light and Sebastian turned to look at Blaine. Blaine could see the sparkle of the other boy's eyes through his raised visor. He held up his hand with a thumb up before switching it to a thumb down. Blaine freed his hand from Sebastian's stomach and held up his thumb for the other boy to see. He guessed from the way the corners of Sebastian's eyes crinkled that he smiled. He returned his hand to Sebastian's body and watched the other boy raise his forearm to tap down the visor.

Sebastian was still cautious as he drove through streets Blaine had known since he was a child. Blaine began to realise he didn't need to be afraid. He'd adjusted his balance and Sebastian wasn't doing anything insane that would harm him. On the rare occasions they encountered another car, Sebastian rolled to a stop behind it rather than creeping alongside it. Blaine wasn't sure if Sebastian was so careful because there was a bounty on one of his limbs or if he always rode the motorcycle this safely.

He could tell when they turned onto the street with the party because cars lined both sides of the curb. As Sebastian manoeuvred the bike, Blaine peered at the gaps between the cars and wondered how anyone would be able to get out later. There seemed to only be inches separating each car.

Sebastian found a small gap to park his bike and lowered the kickstand. Blaine held onto Sebastian for another few seconds, breathing deeply, before he released his hold and hopped off the bike. Sebastian switched off the bike, his hands rising to his chin to undo the straps of his helmet. Blaine watched the reveal of Sebastian's neck followed by his jutting jaw, the curve of his lips, the slope of his nose, the bright eyes, the tousled hair.

Blaine was glad he still had his helmet on. It hid his stare as he took in Sebastian's appearance.

Once Sebastian had attached his helmet to the handlebars, he crooked his fingers towards Blaine. Nervous, uncertain, Blaine stepped closer until Sebastian's fingers loosened his helmet and pulled it over his head. He watched Sebastian stow it and it was only when Sebastian quirked an eyebrow that he realised he hadn't stepped back, hadn't put any distance between them, and it wasn't…weird.

"So I guess you keep your arm so far," he said, his cheeks dimpling with his suppressed smile when Sebastian chuckled and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"Your mom is welcome to my left one," Sebastian murmured into Blaine's ear. "It's my right hand I need most."

Blaine gaped at Sebastian as the other boy darted up the path to the house, his cheeks radiating heat at the implications. It was an image that would take some time to scrub from his mind.

Despite his embarrassment, he followed Sebastian up the path and thought the soles of his shoes were vibrating with the bass emanating from the house. He couldn't imagine the neighbours would be pleased by the level of noise but when he looked around, most of the other houses seemed eerily silent and still. He suppressed a shiver and returned his gaze to the front of the house where Sebastian was watching him with raised eyebrows.

He shook his head, trying to conceal his reaction to Sebastian's words, and approached the other boy. There was something in Sebastian's stare, something dark or determined he hadn't seen before, and he wondered if it was the look which chilled him or the brief gust of wind that skimmed against the back of his neck.

Sebastian grasped his hand and pulled him inside the house, where the music was deafening. He wanted to cover his ears but Sebastian was tugging him through the hordes of people squeezed together and he was too busy dealing with the overload to his senses to react. Sebastian was confident in his navigation through the people, reaching a table littered with cups and bottles.

Blaine paused as he took it all in, knowing he'd never had any alcohol to drink before and not sure he wanted to now. He was in an unfamiliar part of town at a party where he didn't know anyone with a boy that was a transfer. None of that made him feel safe so he shook his head when Sebastian waved a hand towards the bottles, silently asking if he wanted something because the music was too loud.

Sebastian released his hand and picked up a cup, splashing a few different liquids into it and raising it to his lips. Blaine watched the bob of his Adam's apple, the stretch of his neck when his chin raised, and forced himself to look away and take in all the people, searching for any faces he might recognise from school.

His heart pounded in time with the music, the bass sitting behind his ribs and vibrating within his lungs. The air tasted of sweat and reeked of cheap cologne from all the bodies of people crushed together in a twisting, dancing mess in another room. The lights were off but the occasional strobe of colour splashed around. Blaine's eyes traced it back to a black ball attached to the ceiling which seemed to rotate and send out ribbons of coloured light.

When he glanced back to Sebastian, the other boy had vanished.

He felt a surge of panic as he spun around. A group of five, two girls and three guys, approached the table for drinks and Blaine got out of their way. He pushed into the crowd of people dancing in his panicked quest to find Sebastian. Butts and breasts bumped into his body, the gyrating of people around him making it almost impossible to weave his way through them. The limited light wasn't helping him see anyone's face.

A hand grasped his waist and he turned to someone unfamiliar, someone Rachel's height but – when a beam of blue light struck her head – blonde. Her grin was huge as she tried to coax his resisting body towards hers and he felt his anxiety inching higher and higher as he untangled from her grip. Her face fell as he pulled away and bumped into other people, losing her among the sea of people. He tried not to flinch when other hands grabbed at him, hands that were possessive and demanding, hands that were small and female or large and male, hands that wanted him when all he wanted was Sebastian.

He managed to squeeze himself out of the room and into a corridor that was marginally less populated. The light was worse though and he squinted at the shadows of people pressed into any available surface. His cheeks warmed when he realised that it wasn't just one person but  _two_ , that there were couples everyone – and sometimes a third – making out. It was possible these people were Sebastian but Blaine couldn't tell. There was nothing to distinguish any of them in the poor lighting.

He pushed his way through the corridor until he came out the other side, entering a dimly-lit kitchen where a dozen people had gathered around a table and were throwing a ping-pong ball at cups. He didn't try to understand the apparent game because he was still searching for Sebastian and maybe he needed to get outside to breathe in fresh air before he started trying to walk home and-

A hand snaked around his elbow and he flinched. Even though there were deep shadows across Sebastian's face, he recognised him and pressed closer, hiding himself in the other boy's grasp as some of his fear of being alone in an unfamiliar, loud environment retreated to something bearable. Sebastian's palm cradled the back of his neck, his fingers digging into Blaine's skin.

It was disconcerting how much he wanted to moan in delight at the feeling.

Sebastian eventually drew back and tangled his fingers around Blaine's. He led Blaine him to the room clustered with dancing people and he felt his apprehension grow but Sebastian didn't let go of him. Instead, the other boy tugged him closer and closer until there wasn't any space between them. Sebastian's arms wrapped around his neck and Blaine wrapped his arms around Sebastian's waist, his movements stiff and uncertain against Sebastian shifting with the music.

Sebastian lowered his head, his cheek brushing Blaine's temple. Blaine tried to ignore the buzz of butterflies in his stomach and allowed Sebastian to guide him. By the time one too-loud, tuneless song with a pounding beat had blurred into ten others just like it, he'd loosened up and pressed his face into Sebastian's chest. Their bodies moved in sync, an unplanned push-pull that made him conscious of how flushed his skin felt, how sweaty his neck and lower back were, how safe he felt surrounded by Sebastian's arms despite the strangers around them.

It was the first time he felt  _alive_.

 

  
Art by Sam ([amaradex](http://www.amaradex.tumblr.com))

They danced for an hour, maybe two, before he was too exhausted, too dehydrated, to continue. It might also have had something to do with the music catching for a split second, breaking their rhythm, and bringing his awareness back to the present. An awareness that had sharpened into shock and mortification when he realised his jeans were tight with an erection. Even more embarrassing, he was pretty sure Sebastian's pants were strained too.

Sebastian made a gesture of tipping a cup towards his mouth and Blaine nodded, grateful for the reprieve from dancing. He kept his head low and trailed after the other boy with their hands entwined. Sebastian went for a cup and a bottle while Blaine took a cup and moved to the kitchen, groping at the tap until water rattled from the sink and splashed over his hand. He swallowed the liquid and tried to pretend droplets hadn't dribbled down his chin when he'd felt a familiar body press behind him and hands at his waist.

He drank until some of the dehydrated heat in his skin faded. His throat was still dry, probably with nerves, as he lowered the cup to the sink and turned in Sebastian's arms. He could barely see his face, couldn't read his eyes or his expression, but Blaine's heart thundered in his chest, the blood swishing loud enough in his ears that he could hear it over the music. A hand grazed his cheek, fingertips skimming along his jaw, and a thumb smeared through the wetness on his chin and lower lip. His breathing caught when Sebastian raised his head and he tried to see the boy's face, as if he might catch something in the shadows. Unfortunately it was so dark that he may as well have been blind.

Sebastian leaned closer and Blaine felt his lungs seize with the expectation that he was going to be kissed. His heart clenched in his chest in anticipation and…and then Sebastian's head passed his own, his lips at Blaine's ear. "You wanna leave?" Sebastian yelled over the noise and Blaine wasn't sure if he was glad for the opportunity to go or not. If he stayed in the bubble of the house, if he danced with Sebastian again, he wasn't sure he'd be able to stop himself from becoming one of those pairs of people in the corridor clutching at skin while gasps got lost among the din of throbbing music. He wasn't sure he was ready to be one of  _those_  pairs though. He wasn't sure about Sebastian's feelings either.

He nodded and tried not to tremble when Sebastian's lips grazed the hinge of his jaw. It was hands-down the most intimate touch of his life. Sebastian pulled away quickly, his hand twisting through Blaine's, and together they squeezed through the people. Cool air washed over Blaine's skin when they stepped out the front door and towards the bike. In contrast to the shattering level of decibels inside the house, the neighbourhood was dark and still. Blaine might have deemed it seemed silent if there wasn't a high-pitched ringing in his ears and his heart wasn't still thudding in time with the music.

Sebastian led him to the bike, tugging the helmet over his head with a greater degree of care than before. Blaine tried to discern the expression on the other boy's face but it disappeared when Sebastian pulled on his own helmet. Blaine clambered onto the bike and tried pretend that he wasn't spooning the other boy, praying he wouldn't develop another erection. He  _liked_ Sebastian, perhaps more than he should, but he didn't want to scare the other boy away because his body betrayed him.

The bike vibrated to life and Sebastian eased it onto the road, leaving the party behind with more speed than before. Cold skimmed over Blaine's skin which helped reduce more heat and ensured he was less likely to have a reaction to grinding against Sebastian's back. The cold turned to freezing and he clung a little tighter to Sebastian for warmth. Maybe it was an unintentional sign because Sebastian slowed the bike. Though they hadn't been riding fast or erratic, the cautiousness returned. It reduced the chilly wind that had kissed Blaine's body into erupting with goosebumps all over.

They drove through many streets and many neighbourhoods and Blaine wondered if Sebastian was taking him somewhere else or they were just riding around because they could. Blaine hadn't realised how tense Sebastian's back had been on the ride to the party until it wasn't there now. Blaine was also more relaxed, no longer fearful of falling off the bike and breaking every bone in his body. The grip of his fingers loosened and he lowered his helmeted head to Sebastian's shoulder blades, relaxing against the other boy as the streets blurred.

Maybe half an hour later, the trees began to look familiar and the houses were a style he recognised. Disappointment washed through him and swept away the glow from the party. The bike crawled to a stop but Blaine didn't move, didn't let go, even after Sebastian had lowered the kickstand and switched off the motor. He shifted, somewhat, when Sebastian's arms raised to peel off his helmet and his head shook back and forth which only increased the damage done to his coiffed hair.

"You awake, Killer? You're home."

Blaine bit on his lower lip so he didn't pout, nodding and unwinding his arms from Sebastian's waist. He gotten comfortable holding onto Sebastian and didn't want this night to end.

He hopped off the bike and allowed Sebastian's nimble fingers to unbuckle his helmet and prise it from his head. Sebastian stowed the helmet in the box and Blaine tried not to fidget under the boy's gaze.

"What did you think about the party?" Sebastian asked, climbing off the bike and pocketing his keys. A hand pressing to the small of Blaine's back, guiding him towards his front door.

"It was…new," Blaine admitted, watching his feet so he didn't trip over and smack his head on the concrete. His shyness around the other boy had returned tenfold now that there was enough light to see. He could remember the blurry fantasy from before, how Sebastian had led him to the door and they'd stare at each other and then-

"New and enjoyable, or new and you hated it?" Sebastian interrupted, pausing in his steps which forced Blaine to stop and look at him. Sebastian looked…unsure, like there was something he wanted to say but was holding back. Blaine wondered what it was. He'd never known Sebastian to censor his words.

"I didn't like being left on my own," he said, crossing his arms over his chest and fixing Sebastian with a glare. If he was a braver person, he might have demanded an explanation. "It wasn't so…terrifying once you were there."

Sebastian at least managed to look guilty, stepping closer and tugging at the knot of his arms. "I'm sorry. I really needed to go to a bathroom and I didn't expect you to walk away. Then I had to try to find you and I didn't know where you'd go."

Blaine huffed but complied with Sebastian unpicking his arms, feeling warmth burrow beneath his skin when the other boy folded him into a hug. "You could have said something."

"Over that level of noise?" Sebastian pointed out and Blaine conceded the point with a tilt of his head. He let his fingers bunch into the back of Sebastian's pale blue shirt.

There was still a ringing in his ears which he was pretty sure only got louder when he felt Sebastian's lips brush against his hairline. He felt all…fuzzy on the inside, his heart flopping around his chest cavity like a desperate fish. The longer Sebastian's mouth lingered near to his skin, the more his heartbeat quickened. He wanted to look up, wanted to know if Sebastian wanted something…more, but he was too shy, too afraid, too inexperienced. He didn't know  _how_  to kiss and he knew Sebastian had… Well, he'd had  _sex_  with people. What if Blaine was bad at kissing? What if Sebastian didn't even  _want_  to kiss him? The quivering in his stomach, like a billion butterflies fighting to escape through any means possible, was almost overwhelming. His skin felt like it was burning at every point of contact between his body and Sebastian's.

"Sleep well, Blaine," Sebastian finally whispered before he lowered his arms and walked away. Blaine was still getting his head around his empty arms to reconcile they were bidding each other goodnight. He watched Sebastian hurry towards his bike and tried not feel too hurt when the taller male didn't look back at him. He watched Sebastian pull on his helmet, shove his keys in his bike and peel away from the curb with a roar loud enough that Mrs Mackenzie across the road would complain in the morning to his mother.

That hadn't gone  _anything_  like his fantasy!

He stepped towards the doorstep, fingers trembling as he tried to hold onto the warmth of Sebastian within his grasp. The key scraped against the lock when he failed to insert it properly. When he stumbled into the house, it was deathly silent. He toed off his shoes and it felt like his breathing was too loud. His parents must have gone to bed hours ago. He felt dazed and confused as he ascended the stairs. He changed into pyjamas without conscious awareness because there were so many questions swirling in his mind. He wanted to ask them but he lacked the confidence and he wished he could because he wanted answers to explain Sebastian's abrupt departure.

Even as he closed his eyes and attempted to fall asleep, he couldn't help but clutch a pillow to his chest and pretend it was Sebastian. A dopey smile lingered on his lips.

* * *

_**~TBC~** _


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

* * *

Blaine had a feeling his mother thought the night before – could he call it a date? – had gone terribly because his answers were monosyllabic. The night, the date,  _hadn't_  been terrible though. He felt guilty at any suggestion that it was but he didn't have the words to explain what had happened. In any case, his mother seemed more interested in who Sebastian was and why she hadn't seen him before. It left him suspicious and on edge, avoiding specific details. He mulled over the strange distance that had swept through Sebastian and taken him away from Blaine's grasp so abruptly. As soon as Blaine thought Sebastian was going to pull closer, maybe even kiss him, he'd vanished.

And Blaine didn't know why.

So the night hadn't been terrible. Far from it. He was just completely confused and didn't know how to respond to the questions. He didn't trust himself not to say something that made her suspicious. He didn't want Sebastian Reported.

He stared at the homework he needed to complete but couldn't concentrate on. His mind swam with images of Sebastian's shadowed face close to his and the vivid smell of his sweat mingling with his cologne. He could almost feel Sebastian's hips tilting into Blaine's own. When he recalled how they'd gotten hard from dancing, his cheeks grew red. Was that normal? Or did it mean there had to be feelings involved? Did Sebastian feel the flurry of butterflies in his stomach too? Was he unsure, like Blaine, about the way he felt?

The questions that bubbled within him made it difficult to sleep for the second night in a row.

Rachel frowned as he approached the table she and Nick were sitting at on Monday morning. Her elbow bumped into Nick's arm and he glanced up, a concerned expression flitting across his face which mirrored hers.

"What's happened?" she said as he pulled out a seat and sank into it, dropping his bag to the floor with a muted sigh.

"Nothing," he said and Nick scoffed and lowered his pencil to his sketchbook. Even upside down, Blaine could recognise the slope of Nick's sister's nose, the curve of her lips, the emotions in her eyes.

Nick looked around, although Blaine wasn't sure why since no one ever came near this spot, and then leaned towards Blaine. "Did someone get Reported?" he whispered, a flicker of fear in his expression that Blaine hadn't seen in years.

Blaine's eyes widened. He didn't realise he looked  _that_  terrible. He shook his head and adjusted his blazer to flatten the lapels. "I just had a lot on my mind which kept me from sleeping," he assured as he bit his lip and met Nick's gaze. It wasn't a lie but he felt awful for reminding Nick about something so horrid because of a couple of restless nights. "My family is fine, Nick."

Rachel shifted her chair around the table and looped her arm around his elbow. Her head came to rest on his bicep. He was surprised by her affection but it wasn't unwelcome. He'd craved someone's touch most of yesterday in the hopes it would soothe the confusion in his head. "Do you want to talk about it?"

His fingertips brushed against the back of her hand as he tried to organise what to say. "I thought… I thought there was this…moment when someone was going to kiss me. But then… Then they walked away and… I guess I started wondering if I'd misread everything?"

"You mean Sebastian, right?" Nick said, plucking up his pencil and returning to shading the jawline of his portrait. Nick's redirected attention reduced Blaine's discomfort at being examined. He didn't like feeling as though he was baring having each layer of his heart and soul to his friends.

His mouth opened, his eyebrows rising. "How did you-"

"You look at him with stars in your eyes," Rachel said, patting his hand and smiling up at him. "It's not hard to figure out you like him."

Blaine felt his cheeks warm as he leaned into her. He hadn't realised his interest was so obvious but he wasn't surprised. Interacting with Sebastian so much was bound to catch someone's attention. He wondered if his interest in the other boy was as obvious to Sebastian as it was to his friends and that's why he'd fled.

"Blaine."

Nick tilted his head, his eyes somewhere over Blaine's shoulder. Blaine twisted to see Sebastian lingering by a tree, his fingers coiled around the strap of his bag. His eyes were as shadowed as Blaine's and he wasn't sure it was reassuring that the other boy looked like he hadn't fared any better trying to sleep over the weekend.

"Go to him," Nick encouraged, scratching his pencil against the paper.

Rachel gave his hand a squeeze before she drew away. He rose to his feet picking up his bag and focusing on Sebastian. He inhaled and tried to assess the other boy's emotional state. He didn't know Sebastian well but he wasn't sure he'd ever seen his shoulders so slumped, his features so defeated. He was a fragment of the confident boy that challenged the teachers.

He marched towards Sebastian and felt the weight of stares falling on him. He wasn't sure if it was Sebastian's gaze or Nick and Rachel's but he ignored it until he was standing in front of the taller male. Sebastian looked prepared to flee at a moment's notice. He didn't feel comforted.

"Hi," he said, glancing at Sebastian before deciding his shoes were more interesting. "I- How are you?"

Sebastian stayed silent. When Blaine dared to peek at him, there was something so different about the other male that it was…disconcerting. Something about the distance in Sebastian's expression, the tight press of his lips, and the bob of his Adam's apple all made a picture Blaine wasn't familiar with. He didn't know how to respond to it.

"Sebastian?" he prompted. The extra inch he moved closer must have been enough to spook Sebastian because he took off. Blaine could only watch helplessly as Sebastian jogged across the quadrangle and out of the gates.

When he turned back to look at Rachel and Nick, his friends looked as perplexed as he felt.

* * *

Sebastian was absent on Tuesday and Wednesday and avoided Blaine's eyes as well as his attempts at conversation on Thursday and Friday. The other boy was dodging him, trying to shy away from something he didn't want to face, but Blaine didn't understand why. Why had there been such a total shift in Sebastian attitude? What had he done to cause it?

It wasn't until he was halfway through Friday that he realised something else: Sebastian hadn't approached Rachel or Nick. Sebastian hadn't challenged any of the teachers in class either. It was almost funny seeing the look on his teachers' faces, how they had mentally prepared for a question, that never came. He watched their eyebrows dip and their eyes search out Sebastian's lowered head. Mister Matthews seemed particularly perturbed but didn't care enough to ask. Blaine doubted the teacher would have received anything more than a courteous dismissal anyway.

Blaine's sleep was even more restless than usual as the week progressed. He was glad to hide beneath his blankets on Saturday and Sunday when a cold wind rattled against his windows, bringing with it the first true chill of winter that was too much for him to handle. He spent Sunday evening pulling out scarves and sweaters and gloves from the small container in the attic, stowing them in his drawers so he didn't have to stumble around in the morning searching for warmer attire. It was already hard enough to think straight after a week without any restful sleep.

His mother pressed a thermos of coffee into his hands on Monday morning. By the time he'd arrived at school there was enough caffeine in his bloodstream to make him borderline coherent. His eyes still itched with exhaustion, his muscles still ached with fatigue, but he could admire Nick's latest drawing of a tree in the wind. Its branches were so lifelike he could almost hear the rustling of the leaves. He half-listened to Rachel talk about her desire to see the mechanic at the automotive store, nodding at the appropriate times without agreeing to go with her.

If his friends had noticed his poor appearance last Monday, they chose to ignore it now. He was certain he looked far more hellish than a week ago but they knew it was related to Sebastian. They didn't pry into what was happening even though he knew they had questions. Perhaps it was because they realised Blaine didn't have any of the answers they wanted. If he did, he would have had some answers of his own.

Rachel linked their arms together as they walked to Katrina's café on Tuesday afternoon. He didn't want to go because he thought Katrina might ask about Sebastian and he knew Rachel would abandon him to chat to the mechanic across the road, but Nick always managed to weasel out and Blaine thought both of them were worried about his haggard appearance. It was barely a week but the loss of Sebastian from his life was profound. It was worse when the boy in question was a scant few feet away when they had classes together. He kept replaying Saturday night in his head, searching for what he did wrong. The memories were distorting and he wasn't coming up with anything new. It only served to make him more confused, more frustrated.

"Maybe there's something big in his life," Rachel said, a vain attempt at breaking the silence and stirring him from his miserable thoughts.

He managed a weak smile as he fiddled with the tassels on his scarf. "Even if there was… It was like a switch had flicked, Rach. He went from being touchy and warm one minute to walking away from me, repeatedly, the next. I don't understand."

Rachel's cheek pressed against his arm as they walked. He accepted the affection even though it wasn't from the person he wanted. Maybe that was part of why he was struggling. Sebastian was someone who knew when to demand answers and when to back away. Sebastian knew how to use his hands to offer comfort and had a smile that could make Blaine's heat skip a beat. There was a warmth which radiated from Sebastian that was unlike anything he'd ever known. And now it had been absent from his life for more than a week. The chill of the air temperature was nothing compared to the chill growing around his heart. Blaine was starting to feel lost without Sebastian.

The bell to Katrina's shop tinkled as they entered. Rachel slipped away from him to crouch by Bobby's bed, scratching behind the dog's ears while Blaine approached the counter. Katrina appeared several minutes later, a flustered smile on her face as she looked at Blaine.

"Back again, eh? No tall, handsome boy with you this time?" Katrina chirped, moving towards the coffee machine and jabbing a few buttons.

Blaine glanced over his shoulder where Rachel was pretending to pay attention to the dog but clearly eavesdropping. "Not this time," he conceded, nodding his head towards Rachel. "I like to share my friends around so everyone gets to enjoy your coffee."

Katrina beamed at Blaine's compliment as her eyes wandered towards Rachel. She gave her a cheerful wave before returning her attention to the whirring, hissing coffee machine.

"I haven't seen your handsome boy back here either," Katrina confided as she frothed some soy milk for Rachel's latte. Some of her words were indistinct over the noise of the machine. "I was starting to think he'd been Reported."

Blaine blinked, eyes wide, before he shook his head. The thought of Sebastian being Reported was too horrifying to even consider.

Afraid to say anything more, afraid to reveal too much about himself, Blaine turned and moved towards Bobby. The Dachshund looked pleased with himself when two hands began scratching his body.

"Do you mind if I go home?" he asked, peeking over his shoulder to ensure Katrina wasn't still listening. "She was asking about Sebastian and I don't feel comfortable staying."

Rachel's lips turned down but she nodded, giving Bobby's neck a firm rub with her long nails. He'd almost swear Bobby was purring if he was a cat. Instead, one of his hind legs jerked with obvious delight. "I can take care of myself," she assured, her fingers brushing against Blaine's. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He kissed her cheek and handed Katrina some money when she placed their takeaway coffee cups on the table. He couldn't tell if she was grateful to have some money and something to do or unhappy that they weren't staying. There was always that line with Katrina where she seemed to be too interested and it made Blaine's skin crawl. He missed the sense of safety he found with Sebastian's company.

He watched Rachel walk across the road with her coffee cup and then began the walk home. He tucked his blazer tighter around his shoulders, adjusted his scarf half a dozen times, and was thankful for the warm coffee between his fingers because it kept his insides warm and stopped his hands from getting too chilled. The time alone gave him another opportunity to think over the events of Saturday night but he had no greater understanding of what might have happened than before.

Perhaps that was why, when he turned onto his street, he froze at the sight of a motorcycle parked by his house.

Sebastian wasn't astride the vehicle but Blaine picked up his pace anyway. He soon spied the boy sheltering behind a tree from the wind. Evidently Blaine's parents weren't home yet and he felt confused about why Sebastian was here and guilty for leaving someone in such blustery conditions. He wasn't even sure he  _should_  feel guilty considering he hadn't known Sebastian would be showing up because if he had… Well, maybe he would have left him in the cold anyway, just to punish him.

"Sebastian?" he called, leaves crunching beneath his feet as he diverged from the footpath on a diagonal line across the neighbour's lawn. The other boy shifted against the tree, looking at him with uncertain eyes, and Blaine wondered – for the briefest of moments – if he should be sending Sebastian away and refusing to have anything to do with him. There was a darkness, a pain, in the boy's expression that made Blaine afraid of what he was getting himself into.

Except Blaine knew he was already all-in, that he missed Sebastian more than he could explain, and he didn't have a choice anymore. He  _wanted_  to bring back the teasing smiles on Sebastian's lips and the sparkle in his eyes.

Sebastian rose to his feet, one of his knees audibly popping even at the distance Blaine was at, and he eyed the jeans and leather jacket. Sebastian must have gone home. He wondered why Sebastian had changed but it was another question he wouldn't ask.

"Can I… Will you let me come in?" Sebastian said, rubbing a hand against the back of his neck as he gazed at Blaine. Blaine hadn't even considered allowing Sebastian into his house but he knew any number of neighbours could be watching or listening, trying to gain information that would see them Reported. It wasn't safe to be outdoors.

He released a sigh and withdrew his house keys, walking past Sebastian and unlocking the front door. He left it open after he'd entered, removing his shoes and unwinding the scarf from his neck. It took a couple of minutes before he heard the crunch of leaves and then Sebastian had pressed the door shut with a soft click.

"Do you want something to drink?" Blaine asked as he decided it was easier to look busy than look at Sebastian. He needed to keep his hands occupied and if he had something to eat or drink that would stop him saying something stupid then that was even better. He walked into the kitchen to toss away his coffee cup and heard the whisper of Sebastian's jacket as he followed.

"I just- Can we- Your room?" Sebastian managed and Blaine chanced a look at him, noting the exhaustion that seemed to emanate from every pore of the other boy's face. He was pretty sure his parents wouldn't like him having another boy in his room but…his parents weren't home right now and it wasn't like he was planning on doing anything with Sebastian other than talking.

He tilted his head in acknowledgement and waved a hand at Sebastian to get out of the way. Sebastian turned sideways to allow Blaine to pass and he tried not to react to the way his arm brushed Sebastian's torso. Instead he focused on leading the other boy up the stairs to his room. He discarded his blazer and unknotted his tie, trying to ignore the eyes he could feel on him, trying to ignore the shift of fabric when Sebastian removed his jacket and laid it over the back of Blaine's desk chair.

"Blaine…"

He turned from the fussing he'd been doing with his bag and found Sebastian trembling and staring at the ground, not even close to the confident boy Blaine had first seen at school. He bit his lip, his urge to draw closer warring with his need for answers, but ultimately he ended up stepping forward and grasped at Sebastian's light grey sweater while Sebastian's arms circled his shoulders.

Sebastian sniffled and Blaine drew him towards sitting on the edge of the bed. The taller boy clung to him, like Blaine would vanish into wisps of smoke if Sebastian let go, and he tried to offer some semblance of comfort as he rubbed his hand against Sebastian's back. As tired as he was, Blaine sensed Sebastian was more unhinged than him. He was left with one burning question: why?

"I- I owe you some…explanations," Sebastian said, loosening his arms and folding in on himself to a ball more compacted than Blaine could have thought possible. He scooted onto the bed to make himself more comfortable, patting the space on the mattress beside him, but Sebastian looked disinterested in moving. Then Blaine just felt awkward at the gulf of mattress between them.

"Okay?" he said, folding his legs in front of him and knotting his fingers together. He waited, one breath, two breaths, three…

"I- My mother… She doesn't want me getting too close to anyone here," Sebastian said, adjusting his arms around his knees after Blaine had counted to seven. "As much as you think it's dangerous to associate with anyone new, it's even more dangerous to  _be_  new. Everyone doubts you. Everyone looks at you suspiciously. They don't know what's normal and what's not normal so they don't know where the line is to Report you. It's… It's incredibly dangerous to be a new person."

Blaine had never considered what it was like to be the new person. He understood the instinctive reaction was to stay away from anyone unfamiliar but…being new, being strange, had to have ramifications too. Sebastian had moved with his mother to an unfamiliar town, leaving behind family and friends. In this town, he'd been ostracised because of a paranoia drilled into everyone because of rumours from other towns. On the one hand, Blaine was relieved he'd reached out to Sebastian and tried to be his friend because maybe that had helped in some small way. On the other hand, he felt like he hadn't done enough to ease the transition because he'd never considered it from Sebastian's perspective.

"I got the feeling while I was driving you home that there was a moment you began to trust me, that I wasn't going to get you injured or killed, and it was-" Sebastian's mouth moved but no words came out. He gave a small wave of his hand that suggested he was as lost as Blaine felt. "It was…flattering? It's not the word I want but trust is so…so fragile and it reminded me of how alone I was here and how much I missed having friends I could talk to."

Blaine could remember the moment when he'd begun to relax on the bike, the way he'd stopped gripping Sebastian's body so tightly as they'd driven through desolate streets. Sebastian was right: he  _had_  begun to trust the other boy and trust was a scary thing. Trust could be violated. Trust could be invaded. Trust could be betrayed.

"I panicked," Sebastian conceded, peering at Blaine with timid eyes. "Rather than embrace someone trusting me, rather than believe I had made a friend, I thought about my mom's disapproval that I'd gotten into a situation where I could get hurt or Reported and I panicked and I'm  _sorry_."

Sebastian's rambled confession and apology spurred Blaine into moving. He clambered closer to the other boy, wrapping around him from behind like a baby monkey. It took several minutes but eventually the ball of Sebastian's limbs began to unwind. His head tilted to rest on Blaine's collarbone, his legs unravelling and lowering past the side of the bed.

"I'm sorry," Sebastian said as Blaine cuddled him, the first time Blaine had probably cuddled someone in his life.

"It's okay," he whispered against Sebastian's ear, soaking in the comfort that holding the other boy gave him. He relaxed for the first time in a week, the constant fretting about what he'd done wrong silenced in his head. He still had some questions – like why did Sebastian's mom want him to stay away from people – but he'd keep those for later. For now, he felt like some of the steel walls Sebastian protected himself with had fallen. He wasn't going to waste the opportunity to hold him.

After at least ten minutes, Blaine became aware of how uncomfortable he was and how it felt like Sebastian was teetering on the edge of his bed. He withdrew his arms and crawled backwards until he reached the pillows. This time, Sebastian moved too and it was much more comfortable to have Sebastian tucked beneath his arm, his head on Blaine's shoulder, his hand resting on Blaine's stomach.

"I haven't slept properly in more than a week," Sebastian admitted and when Blaine adjusted his head to look down at him, he wasn't surprised to see the green eyes closed. The circles beneath Sebastian's eyes were more pronounced than Blaine's own, he was sure of it.

"Me either," he said, managing a small smile when Sebastian's eyes opened and then drooped. "Too busy wondering what I'd done wrong."

Sebastian huffed and snuggled closer. Blaine tried not to twitch away when every breath Sebastian released tickled his neck. "It was all me, Killer. Nothing for you to stress about."

Blaine made a quiet "Mhm" noise and tilted his head to rest against the top of Sebastian's. He knew he shouldn't fall asleep because a nap would wreck any attempt at sleeping tonight. He knew he shouldn't fall asleep because his parents would arrive home and would lose their tempers when they found him in a bed with another boy. It wouldn't matter that they were on top of the covers with all their clothes were on. He knew he shouldn't fall asleep because-

It didn't matter.

After more than a week with inadequate sleep, neither of them lasted long.

* * *

His father couldn't meet his eyes over dinner that night. The hinge of his jaw popped as he ground his teeth together. His hand clutched his glass of wine so tightly the tiny bones were visible beneath his skin. He seemed particularly vicious stabbing his knife into the beef.

His mother kept her responses to his father's questions monosyllabic. Her cutlery shook as she sliced her meal. She failed to ask Blaine how his day was. She didn't acknowledge his help in clearing the dishes.

It was all the confirmation he needed that his parents disapproved of his interest in men.

* * *

_**~TBC~** _


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

* * *

Four gunshots rattled Blaine awake early the next morning and he realised, with sweat-soaked sheets, that he'd forgotten what day of the week it was. He'd been so dazed without Sebastian that the reality of their world had slipped away from him in his delirious, exhausted state.

He felt cold and guilty as he dressed in his uniform, mentally paying tribute to four people he may or may not have known and their friends and families. On his walk to school he clutched the additional coat around his shoulders tighter whenever a gust of wind kicked up and threatened to cause goosebumps across his skin. The brisk arrival of winter was a stark reminder that his birthday was approaching in the spring.

Sebastian was waiting for him by the main gate when he arrived at school, reclining against a concrete pillar which he pushed off from when Blaine was close enough. He still looked tired but his mouth wasn't as drawn as the day before. A mischievous sparkle in his eyes had returned which gave Blaine some degree of hope that things would be okay with enough time.

"Hey," Sebastian greeted, holding out his hand for Blaine to take. He considered second-guessing himself, wondering if it was appropriate on a Wednesday when most people preferred to isolate themselves and reflect, before reaching out because he needed Sebastian to ground him. He wound his fingers between the other boy's and stepped closer. "How were things after I left?"

Blaine shrugged, falling into step with Sebastian and ignoring the looks of those around him. Sebastian made him feel happy and safe. They hadn't kissed. They weren't together. But…there was something, maybe. Something that connected them. Something that drew them together.

"They weren't happy," he said, comforted by Sebastian's squeeze of his hand, "but what can they do? I'll be eighteen in March. I won't be their little boy forever, even if I do have to live with them until I'm twenty-one. I'll have to declare what I'll do for work soon but if they're going to treat me like that, then I don't want to work with my father and then go home to him."

Sebastian's thumb brushed over his knuckles and he tried to focus on all the positives he had right now. Namely, Sebastian holding onto his hand like the previous week and a half hadn't happened.

Rachel spotted them across the quadrangle. By the time he and Sebastian arrived at the table, Nick's pencil was resting against his sketchbook and he was evidently struggling to decide whether to look at their joined hands or their faces. Rachel had bright eyes and a smile that made Blaine suspicious.

"So I guess you two talked," Nick said as Blaine slipped into a seat beside Sebastian, letting go of his hand only so he could remove his bag from his shoulder.

"Astute observation for an artist," Sebastian drawled and Blaine nudged his leg beneath the table. Sebastian forced a smile at Nick which looked more like a grimace.

"Well I, for one, am in favour of the development. Maybe it will stop you two from moping around school so much," Rachel said, flicking Nick's ear with her nails and making him bat at her hands.

Blaine disliked the assessment that he'd been  _moping_  about anything because he'd been so confused and concerned about Sebastian, but this time it was Sebastian who nudged him beneath the table and he clamped his mouth shut.

"So Rachel, how's  _your_  love-life?" Blaine said, pursing his lips together in delight when she scowled at him.

"He still thinks I take him coffee because I work for Kat," Rachel said huffily, tossing her hair off her shoulders and drumming her nails against the table. Blaine could tell by the way Nick glanced at her hands that it was annoying his attempts at resuming drawing. "Honestly I think he's inhaled too many petrol fumes and his brain no longer functions properly."

Sebastian laced their hands together beneath the table. Blaine wasn't sure he'd ever stop loving it. It was difficult not to break into a giddy grin.

"Forgive my ignorance but if the guy is as smart as lumber, why are you pursuing him?" Sebastian said, asking the question that Blaine and Nick had wondered about for years but figured Rachel would probably rip their heads from their necks if they dared to say anything. Of course it was Sebastian who said it. Of  _course_.

Blaine noticed Nick pretending to concentrate very hard on the drawing when in reality he was hanging off every frustrated half-breath that fell from Rachel's lips as she tried to muster up an answer. Blaine wondered if it was like trying to explain his interest in Sebastian, the allure of someone he didn't know but wanted to.

"He's tall. I feel safe with him," Rachel said, her voice unnaturally high pitched and her words sharp. She pushed away from the table and gathered up her bag, straightening her skirt as she looked from Nick to Blaine and then walking away when they showed no signs of joining her. The heels of her shoes – that were too high according to the school rules – clicked across the concrete.

Nick watched her leave over Blaine's shoulder. "He's  _tall_ ," he echoed with a scrunch of his nose as he returned his gaze to the drawing in front of him. "Really? She spends two years fawning over a guy that is as dumb as bricks, despite being with someone else, because he's  _tall_?"

"Two years?" Sebastian said, eyebrows rising. "I'm impressed by her tenacity and determination."

"Don't be," Nick said, his mouth twisted with dislike as he closed the sketchbook and tossed things into his bag. "It starts to grate on you eventually." He gathered up his bag and took off in the opposite direction to Rachel, a scowl marring his face.

"O…kay?" Sebastian said with a helpless shrug as he looked from Nick to Blaine. "Was it something I said?"

Blaine patted Sebastian's hand before standing. "Nick had a crush on Rachel when we were about fourteen. I think they kissed but it's something they never talk about. I'm not even sure it's something Rachel wants to  _acknowledge_  which I think makes Nick jealous that she's flirted with a guy for two years while he's just sat there, wondering and waiting. When she had a boyfriend last year, things were even worse."

"Oh." Sebastian picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder. "I had no idea."

"Of course you didn't," Blaine soothed, linking his arm with Sebastian's and leading him towards Literature. He didn't like recalling the bitter words that had spilled from Nick's lips while they'd watched Rachel and Jesse together at school. "The three of us have a lot of secrets we don't tell other people."

Sebastian hummed and drew Blaine closer to his side, his nose rubbing against Blaine's hair. "I don't care much about their secrets but you… I could listen to you talk for hours."

Blaine tried to pretend his cheeks weren't turning red as they entered the building.

* * *

After almost a week of holding hands, most people in the school stopped staring so much. There were still a few – perhaps curious, perhaps nosey, perhaps disgusted – but it became a part of Blaine's morning routine to twine his fingers with Sebastian's and use the larger body as a shelter against the chilly wind. Soon the morning meet-ups with Rachel and Nick would move inside to the Art classroom, where Nick could experiment with inks and paints and Blaine would wish his own artworks looked as realistic. Nick practised. Nick had talent. Blaine just had knowledge of the names of some of the colours.

His mother became conscious of his improved mood but he deflected her attention away from why. Of  _course_  it had nothing to do with that strange boy Blaine had fallen asleep with in his bed. Of  _course_  it had nothing to do with coming home an hour later than usual because he and Sebastian would find somewhere warm to hang out and simply enjoy each other's company.

Sometimes they talked about the change in the weather or their work plans or the future but often they sat and stared into the distance, hands curled together just because they could. Blaine's head rested against Sebastian's shoulder. Sebastian's head rested against Blaine's hair.

"I found another party this weekend," Sebastian said as he appeared out of nowhere in the quadrangle, his hand slipping into Blaine's with practised ease. "Do you want to come?"

"That depends," Blaine said slowly, swinging their hands between their bodies with a childish level of delight. He couldn't explain to anyone how Sebastian brought him to life with a single touch. Sometimes it felt like electricity zipped through him at the contact which made him stand taller, his eyes more alert, his smile more radiant. "Are you going to abandon me by the drinks table again?"

Sebastian stuck out his tongue and Blaine struggled to smother his giggles. "That was one time!"

"Then you'd better not make it twice," Blaine pointed out as Sebastian pouted at him. He started laughing at how ridiculous it was, bumping his hip against Sebastian's. "You won't get a third chance."

Sebastian picked him up at seven on Saturday. His mother's delight last time was a distant memory, her attitude soured to the point of a frosty glare. Blaine had tried, several times, to explain to his parents that he and Sebastian were just friends, that nothing had happened before they'd gotten home and found them together. Any explanation fell on deaf ears. Blaine was pretty sure if it had been a girl, he would have received a knowing grin from his father. He knew Cooper had been caught with a girl in his bed more times than he wanted to remember.

He didn't want to concede that maybe the boy from the bed  _was_  making him happy. In any case, he had a feeling that his attempts at suppressing a smile when Sebastian shuffled around on the doorstep gave him away.

The uncertainty of holding onto Sebastian on the bike was non-existent this time. Once they had their helmets, he wrapped his arms around Sebastian's waist and was glad the helmet hid his smile when Sebastian brushed a gloved hand across his own. Last time, they'd both been navigating the boundaries of a new friendship. This time, some of the distrustful barriers between them had faded and they were more comfortable with each other.

Sebastian wasn't…reckless with his driving but he wasn't treating Blaine like he was a fragile doll susceptible to being tossed off the bike either. It was thrilling when they picked up speed – the cold wind slipping under the fabric of Blaine's coat and sweater, the blood pumping through his veins, the rumbling of the bike between his legs. If he had more guts, he'd fling his arms wide and pretend he could fly.

Sebastian drove for close to twenty minutes. It was another eerily quiet section of town that Blaine hadn't visited before but he trusted Sebastian not to leave him alone. He peeled off his helmet, pressing his lips together to hide the shy smile when Sebastian's fingers grazed his own. He was starting to think the burst of butterflies that filled his stomach every time he was near Sebastian, every time Sebastian smiled, meant more than simple friendship.

The music thundered from the darkened house and he tried to prepare himself for the damage he would inflict on his hearing as he followed Sebastian. There were as many people as the last party – all cramped together, the temperature significantly hotter than outside, the smell of sweat replacing the decaying leaves.

Sebastian's grip on his hand increased as they weaved through the crowd, finding a table in the shadowed kitchen overflowing with indistinguishable bottles and cups. He watched Sebastian mix liquids into a cup and tip it down his throat. He wondered what it tasted like, what the appeal was of drinking alcohol. His fingers curled around the cup. He could see Sebastian's eyes sparkling as Blaine tentatively raised it and leftover droplets trickled past his lips and over his tongue.

At first, the drink was sweet and bubbled over his tongue like soda. Once he'd swallowed and only the aftertaste was left, it was bitter and left his throat dry. He wasn't sure he wanted more but Sebastian was already splashing liquids into the cup again and holding it out for Blaine to try. He sniffed it before giving the other male a small nod. His first proper mouthful was sweeter than before and there was less of an awful aftertaste. Sebastian's fingers curled around the back of his neck to keep him steady while he trickled the drink into Blaine's mouth. Warmth inched down Blaine's throat where it pooled in his belly, although he wasn't sure if it was from the drink or the intimacy of someone guiding him.

When the cup was empty, Sebastian abandoned it on the table and cradled Blaine's cheek. His thumb grazed Blaine's bottom lip, the curve of his nail dragging at his flesh. Blaine felt his breathing catch in his throat. The proximity of Sebastian, the way his hands pressed into sensitive skin, had his knees wavering beneath him. He could feel something fuzzy inside him, some sort of gleeful rebelliousness, some sort of tugging that made his stomach flip-flop. He followed Sebastian's lead from the kitchen into one of the rooms teeming with jostling bodies.

Sebastian raised Blaine's arms to clasp around the back of his neck, his longer hands digging into Blaine's waist to guide their bodies together as they searched for the rhythm to the music and the crowds. In the darkness, in the anonymity of an unknown location, he allowed himself more freedom. His cheek pressed against Sebastian's chest and he felt the weight of the other boy's head against the top of his own. He couldn't hear Sebastian's heartbeat but he suspected it thumped in time with the music that made the soles of his shoes tremble and the tips of his fingers vibrate with life and energy. People orbited around them, dark and faceless forms that were indistinguishable as male or female. It wasn't like it mattered. Blaine only cared about being there with Sebastian.

After half an hour, he began to feel what he presumed were the effects of the alcohol. He began to feel lighter and more uncoordinated, following Sebastian's movements with less concentration. His muscles felt so loose he wondered if they'd been liquefied. Sebastian's arms sensed his floppiness and held him closer, tighter, and heat crawled down his spine to pool in his groin when he felt lips against his neck. He already felt overheated, already knew that his shirt was sticking to his skin with sweat, but his fingers brushed against the nape of Sebastian's neck when the hesitant tickle of air was replaced by firmer, open-mouthed kisses that made his heart stutter. There was a scrape of teeth against his pulsepoint and he was pretty sure a moan rumbled in his chest but it was lost to the music that pulsed along every nerve.

Sebastian's mouth kissed up the column of his neck to the hollow beneath his ear, his teeth nipping at Blaine's earlobe, and he was pretty sure he was ready to dissolve into a pile of goo. He instinctively tilted his head away from Sebastian, offering more skin to explore and he felt rather than saw the smile against his flesh before the other boy pulled back. He tried not to feel disappointed as his head spun with dizziness and need, searching for some glimpse of Sebastian's face in the dark.

It irritated him that it was so dark in this house that he couldn't make out anything.

With a frustrated huff, his fingers grabbed Sebastian's and he led him from the crowd. He wasn't sure where he was going, somewhere with a shard of light which would illuminate Sebastian's face perhaps, and he ended up stumbling through the front door. A handful of people milled around on the porch with cigarettes in their hands and smoke coiling from their mouths. A streetlight across the road made Blaine move towards it, like a moth to a flame. Once they were far enough away from the gawkers, once he could see, he turned to stare at Sebastian.

The green eyes were still cast in shadows from the artificial light but he could see the curve of Sebastian's smile. His ears rang with that high-pitched shrieking again, his heart thumping with the music – or was it nerves? – and there was nowhere else to look but Sebastian's face.

"So  _why_  are we out here in the cold?" Sebastian said when the silence stretched on for a minute too long, a teasing lilt to his tone that made Blaine scrunch his nose and poke at his chest.

"What do you think you were doing in there?" he said, feeling a stab of self-consciousness in his gut that threatened to deflate his buoyant mood. He feared Sebastian had just gotten carried away in the moment and he didn't really wan-

"Finding out if your neck tasted as good as I imagined," Sebastian said with an amused shrug, small lines appearing beside his eyes as his grin widened.

Blaine wished he wasn't so easily derailed from his thoughts. His cheeks flamed much like the places he could still feel the lingering press of Sebastian's lips. "Oh?" he said, raising a hand to his neck without thinking it through. Even in the dark, he could see the way it drew Sebastian's eyes towards it and his breathing rattled in his chest. "Were you…satisfied?"

Sebastian hummed, stepping closer, stepping him backwards, until he was pressed against a stranger's car and his breathing was puffing out of him in increasingly tiny increments. "Maybe I need to check again since my sense of smell isn't overpowered by the scent of everyone else," Sebastian murmured, ducking his head and pressing his lips to Blaine's pulsepoint again.

His head tilted back as Sebastian's nose brushed against his jaw. His fingers bunched into Sebastian's jacket, finding the cool leather a sinful contrast to the heat that flared in his stomach at the kisses and nips of teeth bestowed upon his neck. He whimpered a couple of times, feeling lightheaded again but not sure if it was the alcohol or the lack of oxygen he was sucking in. The tip of Sebastian's tongue circled his Adam's apple, leaving a ring of damp flesh that rapidly chilled and felt both bizarre and…erotic. He blushed at the thought.

" _Seb_ _astian_ ," he gasped, hands drifting to Sebastian's waist when the other boy dragged his teeth down the column of his neck, awakening sensitive zones he never knew existed.

"You're so hot like this," Sebastian whispered, peeling the edge of his coat and sweater away to expose the juncture of his neck and shoulder. "No one's ever kissed you, have they?"

He whined when Sebastian's lips started sucking at his skin, an emotion he decided was desire unravelling in his stomach and pouring heat through his veins. He was pliant against the car he was pressed against, panting with want, feeling the weight between his legs confined by layers of fabric.

"N-No," he admitted, feeling embarrassed again at his inexperience. His hands moved from Sebastian's waist to the small of his back, pushing the taller boy's hips closer to his and trying to grind against his thigh. The kissing and biting of the spot continued as tiny fireworks erupted behind his eyes. Was he drunk? Could he blame this on having his first drink? How much alcohol had there even  _been_  in that cup anyway?

Sebastian kissed the spot on his neck that was tingling and sending shivers down Blaine's spine. "I will," the other boy promised, his thumb digging into the skin before he let the collar of Blaine's clothes cover up the mark he suspected would linger for at least a week. "Not now, but I will."

"Yeah?" He felt breathless as he looked up at Sebastian, watching the other boy pull his head back. It would be so easy to do it now and he was completely ready for it. He was completely willing to throw caution to the wind and shamelessly make out with someone in public against a stranger's car. He was-

"I'll corrupt you in the worst ways if you aren't careful," Sebastian said but it was laced with an underlying threat that Blaine didn't mind. He ached to know what Sebastian's lips would feel like against his own, what his hands would feel like on Blaine's bare skin, what it would feel like to-

He blushed and ducked his head when he realised he'd made a pretty gigantic leap from kissing someone to being naked with them.

"Super hot," Sebastian said with a brief kiss to his forehead before he drew away, his fingers slipping into Blaine's. "I should get you home before it gets too late, Killer."

Blaine didn't feel like he'd been out very long but the world had tipped on its axis and he wasn't sure how much time had passed. He couldn't keep his thoughts in coherent lines. He let Sebastian's fingers do the hard work in securing his helmet, enjoying the feeling of his hands against flesh that had been lavished with so much attention. He cuddled up behind Sebastian as the bike roared to life and they drove away, leaving the empty streets and darkened houses behind.

One day, Blaine might ask where Sebastian found out about such parties and why they were always in such dead neighbourhoods. For now, he pressed his head against Sebastian's back, feeling entirely trusting of the boy in his arms to keep him safe. He still felt buzzed, from the alcohol or the kisses to his neck he wasn't sure, and was reluctant to peel himself away from Sebastian when they pulled up outside his house.

Sebastian's hand held onto his as he walked up the path to his front door. The porch light offered him a clearer view of Sebastian's face than he'd had in a couple of hours.

"You aren't going to go all weird and not speak to me for over a week again, are you?" he asked, gnawing his bottom lip when Sebastian looked at him with a pensive look on his face.

"I won't," Sebastian said, his spare hand reaching up to cradle Blaine's face. His fingertips grazed behind Blaine's ear and along the line of his jaw, making his skin prickle with the desire to be kissed again. "Was the party more enjoyable this time?"

Shyness twitched Blaine's lips and his eyes struggled to remain steady. He was already wondering how long he would spend examining the mark on his neck in the mirror tonight. "Do you really need confirmation of that?"

Sebastian chuckled and conceded the point with a small shrug. "No, I guess not."

Blaine stared into Sebastian's eyes, the butterflies trapped in his heart and his throat and his stomach, but Sebastian didn't make a move. When would Sebastian kiss him? Now? Tomorrow? In a month? He wasn't sure how he was meant to wait that long when the possibility had been expressed. He could keep trying to assure everyone they were just friends but clearly Sebastian had made a significant step past that line – and Blaine was  _more_  than willing to allow it.

"Goodnight, Blaine," Sebastian said with a gentle kiss to Blaine's temple before he stepped back and returned to his bike. Blaine watched him go with a satisfied smile, his head still spinning as he watched the ease that Sebastian slid onto his bike and rode away after waving at him. He felt like skipping, like singing and spinning his way through the next year of his life. No one he'd ever met made him feel as alive as Sebastian. No one had taken him away from the dull, mundane, depressing existence that threatened his life every day. No one had ever shown him another side to a world which thrived on fear and paranoia.

Lights shone the way upstairs although his parents' door was shut and he could hear the faint snores of his father through the wood. He closed his bedroom door and pulled the clothes from his skin, feeling bare and uncertain as he stood in the centre of his room despite the fact he was alone. How was he meant to reveal his body to someone else? How was he meant to feel comfortable exposing  _everything_  to another person? How was he meant to feel their hands on him and resist the urge to withdraw and hide his face?

_Especially_  when he thought about doing that with someone like Sebastian, who had been open with the fact he had experience.

He pulled on sweatpants and t-shirt and moved to the bathroom, brushing his teeth although his eyes were drawn to the purple mark just beneath the collar of his t-shirt. Sebastian's  _mouth_  had left that.  _Sebastian_  had left that. It was a mark that someone  _wanted_  him and he spent at least half an hour touching it and tracing a finger over his lips, imagining what Sebastian's lips would be like against his own, imagining what Sebastian's skin would feel like against his own.

He switched off the light and plunged his room into darkness. The memories of Sebastian's hands against him, of their bodies moving together as they danced, of his lips and teeth and tongue tasting Blaine's skin, blossomed behind his eyes and increased in intensity to the point he felt a little crazy. His right hand snuck into his underwear, a gasp of relief filling the silence. For the first time, he let his imagination run wild about what it would be like to  _be_  with Sebastian Smythe.

* * *

**_~TBC~_ **


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

* * *

True to his word, Sebastian didn't retreat on Monday. If anything, Sebastian moved closer, held his hand a little tighter, and Blaine almost dared to hope Sebastian was his boyfriend. He had a suspicion that was what Rachel was thinking when she eyed the way Sebastian had his arm slung over Blaine's shoulder. Even though they were sitting, even though Blaine was admiring Nick's latest art project upside down, they couldn't stop touching each other and just being  _close_.

It wasn't as though Blaine was naïve to the signs of a relationship. He'd seen more than his fair share of paired teenagers walking around campus with their hands linked together, with a guy's arm around a girl's shoulders, with their heads bent together as they exchanged secretive whispers, with prolonged hugs before they went to different classes. He'd seen more of Rachel and Jesse's tongues touching last year than he ever wanted to see again. He'd tried not to look at Rachel's face when he knew Jesse's hand was circling her knee and inching up her skirt. He knew what a  _relationship_  looked like.

But, in the week that Blaine ensured his scarf was wrapped around his neck and concealed the mark he knew would start a storm of questions, he noticed his interactions with Sebastian were different.

Sebastian held his hand and wrapped his arm around Blaine's shoulders, true. Blaine allowed it and he enjoyed it, but Sebastian rarely said anything secretly. Generally Sebastian lacked any modesty about his words or his behaviour and was more than willing for everyone to hear what he had to say.

Sebastian also didn't do any of the drawn-out, clingy hugs that Blaine was used to seeing around campus. Sometimes he tugged Blaine closer and pressed a brief kiss to his temple before letting go but…what did that  _mean_? Sebastian might have expressed a desire to kiss him properly but when was  _that_  going to happen? What circumstances would make it the 'right time'?

He spent a week, two weeks, three weeks, observing Sebastian and wondering what they were. He wasn't sure if he'd spook Sebastian if he brought it up. He was afraid of causing reactions that sent Sebastian running away again. Instead he focused on enjoying Sebastian's company and trying to avoid fretting about all the potential meanings behind their actions. They went to Katrina's and got takeaway coffee twice. They walked through streets with joined hands. Sebastian picked him up on a Friday evening purely to ride around the streets, skirting the town limits where the barricades started and where they could see guards bristling to attention, hands lowering to their sidearms because they were too close.

Their increasing closeness had an inverse effect on the relationship he had with his parents. They never outright demanded to know where he'd been or who he'd been with but he could tell from his mother's pursed lips that she already knew, he could tell from his father's clipped sentences that the man had no interest in listening to Blaine or offering relationship advice like he may have given Cooper. He felt like an alien in his own home, ostracised because of something he couldn't control and something that wasn't wrong. Being gay wasn't Reportable. Having sex with another guy wasn't Reportable. For all his parents' acceptance of the rules and regulations After, they still seemed to have held onto the bigotry he suspected existed Before.

On the third Thursday in November, Blaine's mother carefully prepared a special meal. Blaine had never understood the mystery which surrounded the day. He didn't know why his mother made furtive looks out the living room window. He didn't know why his father seemed so paranoid that he drew all the curtains shut. It was a particular day that always involved a great deal of secrecy and silence but Blaine had grown up knowing he should never speak about it to anyone.

It made it difficult when he saw Sebastian on Friday. He wanted to talk about it, wanted to ask if Sebastian knew the significance of the day. He had already guessed it was a significant day Before, a tradition his parents held onto even though society had completely changed, but he wished he understood what it was that made it so significant. He felt like he couldn't properly participate or celebrate when he was ignorant.

There was another day in July that held significance too. Everyone got fearful and quiet towards the end of June. Regardless of whether July 4th fell on a Wednesday or not, there would be a series of gunshots that could last hours. Then there would be celebrations that no one seemed to enjoy participating in. Considering the gunshots that occurred every week, Blaine sometimes wondered why everyone in their town wasn't already dead.

"So there's a party tomorrow," Sebastian said as he jogged up beside Blaine, fingers automatically twining with Blaine's. "You coming?"

"Do I have a choice?"

Sebastian scrunched his nose as if he hadn't expected that answer before squeezing Blaine's hand. "Not really."

"Well then," Blaine said with a huffed laugh, knowing that Sebastian was only joking and he had every chance in the world to turn him down, "I'd love to come."

When Sebastian curled Blaine beneath his arm as they walked across the quadrangle, he was again distracted by his thoughts of whether they were in a relationship.

Sebastian picked him up after dinner. His mother's lips seemed to be permanently pressed into a disapproving frown as she surveyed the tall boy in the leather jacket loitering on the doorstep.

"Don't be home late," she said to Blaine, casting a final look towards Sebastian that was colder than the air outside. The door shut in their faces and he knew she had retreated to the living room where Blaine's father was preparing a movie.

"They don't seem to like me much," Sebastian observed as Blaine followed him to the bike.

"I don't want to ask why," Blaine said as Sebastian passed him the helmet and he ran his fingers along the soft fabric lining the edge. "They don't ban me from going out with you. I don't know if it's because I'm their youngest and I'm dating, or you're a guy and they hate that, or you're someone that's new in town and they don't trust you. I'm scared they'll tell me to stop seeing you if I ask."

Sebastian brushed his fingers against the back of Blaine's arm. "Then don't ask and we'll just keep hanging out together, alright?"

Blaine nodded and tugged the helmet over his head. Once Sebastian pulled on his helmet, Blaine clambered onto the bike and looped his arms around Sebastian's waist. Sebastian rubbed his hand against Blaine's and he wondered if Sebastian was smiling inside his helmet like Blaine was.

The drive to the party took close to half an hour and Sebastian led him inside with an arm around his waist. It was no different from previous parties, with minimal lighting and excessive music and writhing bodies. Blaine squinted and tucked closer to Sebastian's side as they found the drinks table and Sebastian mixed liquids into a cup.

He sipped from it and then passed the cup to Sebastian, the sweetness pooling on his tongue and sliding down his throat. Sebastian's eyes glittered, his gaze fixed on Blaine as he drank, and he could feel his cheeks flushing with warmth as he thought about that mouth and what else it might do. He parted his lips when Sebastian raised the cup to his mouth, his stomach swooping and fluttering, his heart thumping harder in his chest which he didn't think he could blame on the pounding music in the house.

The last of the alcohol was tipped down Sebastian's throat before the cup was discarded. He wasn't sure sharing a drink should be so hot but it already had him feeling dizzy as he pulled Sebastian towards the room where all the faceless shadows were dancing together. It was like the first party, where shards of coloured light flashed around the room to illuminate people for fractions of a second. He didn't need help this time, wrapping his arms around Sebastian's waist and settling his head against Sebastian's chest. Sebastian's hands cradled the back of his neck and shoulder, twisting among the spiral of his curls at the nape of his neck. Their bodies moved together with the beat of the music, hips in sync in a dance that only included the two of them.

He felt the alcohol seeping into his bloodstream, increasing the looseness in his muscles and encouraging greater warmth to his face. He became aware of the dull thump of the bass in his fingers and toes, the haze across his vision that made the faces of others even more indistinguishable, the smell of mingling perfumes and colognes and sweat. He noticed the lack of space between his body and Sebastian's, the heat of Sebastian's back that he could feel beneath his hands and the pulse within the chest beneath his cheek. Despite the music, despite the excitement of Sebastian so close, he knew he was calmer than usual, his breathing slower, and he was comforted by the sense of safety that Sebastian's presence always provided.

Sebastian's fingers snaked higher into his hair, coaxing his head into tipping back. His eyes drifted towards Sebastian's, the traces of light that flashed across his face which outlined the hint of a smile on his lips. Sebastian was beautiful and dangerous, alluring and enticing, with secrets scattered in the space between each of his freckles. Blaine's fingers dipped into the small of Sebastian's back, finding the dimples beside his spine, and felt the bubble shrinking around them. The music faded into indistinct and unsteady thuds that kept time with Blaine's heartbeat. The twisting bodies slowed into blurred focus, background noise that he didn't need to notice right now.

His breathing caught when Sebastian's lips pressed against his forehead, persisting for several long seconds before his nose skimmed along the hairline of his curls. He felt the fleeting touch of Sebastian's lips on his temple, beneath his eye, the tip of his nose, and wasn't even sure he was still breathing by the time he felt heated breath tickling against his mouth. He couldn't see much of Sebastian, even though he kept glancing up at his face, but he could feel him – the tiny trembles in his body, the way he leaned closer to Blaine, the stutter of his breath fanning over Blaine's face – and a single thought struck him:

Was Sebastian nervous too?

He waited, clinging to Sebastian like an anchor in a storm, feeling the tension and hesitation swelling within both of them like a cresting wave until he felt like he was wound so tight that he was going to snap in half under the weight of it. His heartbeat thundered in his chest which contrasted with the music dimming to a distant echo. Just when he thought he was going to fall to pieces with anticipation, Sebastian's lips grazed his.

It only lasted a split second, a tease that made his fingers grip tighter at Sebastian's back, urging him closer until he was rewarded with a more confident meeting of Sebastian's mouth against his own. He inhaled through his nose at the increased pressure, the way Sebastian gradually took control of the kiss, guiding his head to one side with the hand in his hair that sent tingles down his spine. A tongue dragged along his lower lip, encouraging his lips to part and he felt uncertainty, nervousness, insecurity and inexperience bloom in his chest when Sebastian licked into his mouth.

He was pretty sure his moan was lost to the music, the kiss dizzying and electrifying his nerve endings. He felt so heated that it seemed entirely possible he would melt into a puddle on the floor. Everything was the smell of Sebastian and the taste of Sebastian and the feel of Sebastian, this moment an infinitesimal speck in the grand scheme of the entire universe which shattered Blaine's world regardless.

He could feel Sebastian's smile as the kiss slowed, the spinning in his head easing as his feet found the floor again. A shy giggle built in his chest when Sebastian lightly kissed him and pressed their foreheads together. A thumb stroked along the line of his jaw, increasing the pliancy in his limbs until he was almost certainly liquefied.

As he became conscious of his surroundings, he noted the increased volume of the music that had been so dull he'd forgotten it existed. There was a slight jostle of people moving around him and the sour tang of too much sweat in a small space invaded his nostrils. His heart was hammering in his chest, his breathing struggling to find some semblance of a rhythm but he was completely capable of soaking in the comfort of Sebastian's presence.

It had  _totally_  been worth waiting for his first kiss.

Sebastian's hips began swaying back and forth, drawing Blaine into dancing again. Their movements were interspersed with kisses – gentle kisses, tentative kisses, determined kisses, kisses which kept Blaine buoyant on happiness and excitement – and he dazed and giddy and glad for the loud music because it excused his inability to find words. He thought he'd fumble over his sentences, distracted by the way Sebastian's eyes would glint in amusement at his incoherency or the shapes Sebastian's mouth would make when he replied. It was difficult to think about Sebastian's mouth now that Blaine knew what it was like to kiss him.

Minutes ticked into hours, his skin buzzing beneath Sebastian's fingers and kisses. The crowd around them surged and retreated, crushing around them or offering some space to breathe. His muscles loosened as he relaxed and let Sebastian lead until the hour of his curfew approached. He rose to his tiptoes to press a kiss to Sebastian's lips before they left.

Sebastian made a gesture that he needed to use the bathroom so Blaine headed outside, inhaling cold air deep into his overheated lungs. It helped chill the sweat on his skin and the conflicting sensations sent a shiver down his spine.

Waiting for a few minutes turning into nearly fifteen and he was just about to enter the dark house to search for Sebastian when the boy emerged, his hair ruffled and his smile apologetic.

"There was a bit of a line," Sebastian explained, his arm wrapping around Blaine's back as they walked to the bike.

Blaine tucked into Sebastian's body, comfortable in their proximity. He didn't feel pressured to speak, to fill the silence with inane words and idle chatter. Instead, he enjoyed the confirmation that he mattered to Sebastian, that what he felt was returned, that maybe they  _were_  something more than just friends.

He clung tighter to Sebastian's middle when they clambered onto the bike, nuzzling his head between Sebastian's shoulder blades and glad that the helmet concealed his ecstatic grin. He didn't pay much attention to the drive home but he knew Sebastian zigzagged along empty streets. He was floating on the high of all the kisses from someone like Sebastian who had noticed him after almost eighteen years. He wanted to clap his hands and squeal with delight like a child.

When Sebastian finally drew alongside the curb outside his house, he knew he was cutting it close to his curfew and was disappointed that the night was nearly over. He peeled off the helmet and passed it to Sebastian, fidgeting with his belt loops while Sebastian removed his own helmet and hung it from the handlebars.

"How do you feel?" Sebastian asked, holding out his hand which Blaine curled his fingers between.

"The soles of my shoes are clouds," Blaine said with a grin that was mirrored by Sebastian. He traced a path to his front door, dragging Sebastian behind him despite how unwilling he was for their time together to never end.

"I had fun tonight," Sebastian said once they stopped on Blaine's porch, his gaze intense when Blaine looked at him.

"I'm not sure how I'd feel if you hadn't," Blaine teased and Sebastian's lips twitched, a hand snagging at Blaine's hip to tug him closer.

"So is it safe to say that you like me?" Sebastian whispered, his hushed voice sending the butterflies in Blaine's stomach wild.

"Only if it's safe to say you like me," Blaine replied, nipping his lower lip between his teeth. Without intending to, he watched Sebastian's attention draw towards his mouth.

"That's not in question at all," Sebastian murmured, pulling Blaine into a kiss that set his nerves ablaze.

His fingers gravitated towards gripping at Sebastian's jacket, his mouth parting under Sebastian's insistent tongue. His eyes fluttered, catching sight of the fan of Sebastian's eyelashes beneath his closed eyes, and the edge of his lips quirked around a smile. A hand pressed into his the small of his back, encouraging him closer, slotting their hips together, and his breathing stuttered out of him because he knew Sebastian would feel the developing bulge in his jeans.

Sebastian broke the kiss with a huffed laugh and a kiss to the tip of his nose.

"Goodnight, Blaine," Sebastian said, kissing the spot between his brows, dropping his hands and turning down the path.

Blaine tracked Sebastian's departure, as if he could commit every second to his memory and it would last him the rest of the weekend. He shoved his hands into his pockets when Sebastian straddled the bike, shooting him one final fond look before he put on his helmet and gunned the bike. Blaine was pretty sure he saw a light turn on in Mrs Mackenzie's house across the road and wondered if it was a contributing reason to his parent's distaste for his relationship with Sebastian when their neighbour kept complaining about being woken up.

Because that's what it was now, right? A relationship?

He still had a dopey grin on his face when he sank beneath the covers of his bed. His lips still tingled with the memories of Sebastian kissing him. His skin still retained the imprints of Sebastian's hands against his body. Again, his fingers stole beneath the elastic of his underwear.

* * *

In a complete 180 that bewildered Blaine, Rachel and Nick weren't pleased that Blaine and Sebastian had exchanged their first kiss. Maybe it had been okay to talk to the newbie and hold his hand but  _kissing_  him? Oh no. Apparently that was off limits.

"Have you lost your damn mind?" Rachel hissed as they exited Music, resuming the furious one-sided conversation she'd been having with him on their walk to class. Her arm looped roughly through his, keeping him against her side while they pushed through hordes of teenagers who shoved back.

He was  _so_  baffled by their change in attitude. "I really don't see-"

"You know it's not safe to trust new people," Nick said, repeating a conversation that seemed to be months old now. He'd caught up to Blaine's other side and was able to weave easier through the crowds when he wasn't conjoined.

"But-"

"What do you even know about him?" Rachel said, scowling at a freshman who skittered away with a frightened look on his face. Blaine appreciated Rachel's thunderous expressions – when they weren't directed towards him.

"What he's told me really isn't any of your business," he said, pulling his arm away from Rachel's and finding a gap in the corridor traffic to turn and stare at them. He wasn't going to admit that Sebastian hadn't told him much because he knew how this worked. He knew that sharing anything possibly suspicious could see him or Sebastian Reported. As much as he craved Rachel and Nick's friendship, their change in attitude after Sebastian had greeted him with a kiss this morning meant he'd lost any trust in them. "I don't owe you anything."

Rachel looked sour at the rebuff, probably because he was throwing away years of friendship on a boy they hardly knew. Nick just appeared disappointed, but it did enough to plant seeds of doubt in Blaine's mind. He wished he could reassure them that there was nothing to fear from Sebastian. He'd never been anything other than kind and gentle, aside from the flirtatious comments and touches that seeped heat into Blaine's skin.

He just wished his friends could see that Sebastian was a good person too.

* * *

Neither Rachel nor Nick approached him the next day which suggested this issue wasn't going to just blow over quickly. He wondered how he could have missed the depth of his friend's distrust in Sebastian prior to the relationship progressing. He was conscious of their disapproving every time Sebastian leaned closer to share a secret in a whisper, or looped their hands together, or brushed their lips in a kiss. He couldn't remember judging Rachel and Jesse that much and he knew his resentment was building. Were Rachel and Nick jealous of his happiness? Was Sebastian so unlikable that they couldn't trust Blaine's judgement?

"They'll come round," Sebastian murmured into his ear when he realised Blaine had faltered in the approach to their regular table. The fierce glare painted across Rachel's eyebrows was so unexpected that he'd lost his appetite. He felt like he was soaring on his feelings for Sebastian and the knowledge the feelings were reciprocated but his heart ached at the distance erected by the two people that had given him companionship for years.

He tried to pretend he was unfazed by it, shifting to the corner of the rooms where he shared classes with Rachel or Nick and keeping his head down. He couldn't remember ever focusing so intently in class, taking such detailed notes that his hand cramped. Homework and assignments provided a distraction from the persistent hurt shadowing his every move and Sebastian's sunny disposition, his indifference to Rachel and Nick as he offered confident and unwavering support, lightened some of the heavier weight that sat on Blaine's shoulders.

He knew his parents weren't pleased either but for the first time in…in possibly ever, Blaine felt truly happy and he refused to let anyone take that away from him. Even the crack of gunfire on a Wednesday morning wasn't enough to curtail his improved attitude towards life. He still followed the rules and observed the respect needed to avoid being Reported, but he was more willing to have fun and enjoy living for a change.

He decided Rachel and Nick weren't distrustful of Sebastian but jealous of his happiness.

Sebastian had been oddly quiet most of the day, glancing at him when he thought Blaine wasn't looking and gnawing his bottom lip. It was a sign of nerves Blaine was more familiar with displaying than observing and by the time Sebastian began to walk him home, their arms looped together and gloved hands entwined, Blaine had had enough.

"What's wrong?" he said, treading along the sidewalk which had received a light dusting of snow while they were at school.

"I…" Sebastian huffed, a burst of white escaping his mouth as he stole another look at Blaine before staring down the street. "My mom… She wants to meet you. She invited you over during Christmas break."

Blaine blinked fast enough that his eyes burned with the cold that enveloped them. "She…does?"

"She knows I'm seeing someone," Sebastian explained, his lips set in a lopsided, uncomfortable smile. "If you're doing family stuff over Christmas then she said that's fine. Just…whenever you want to stop over then you can."

Blaine had no idea how he was meant to respond so he nodded and focused on putting one foot in front of the other. The prospect of meeting Sebastian's mother threw into sharp relief how little he knew about Sebastian. What was his mother's name? Where had she grown up? Where was Sebastian's father? Why did Sebastian never speak about him? Where had Sebastian transferred from? Why had he moved?

They were questions he had no intention of asking Sebastian's mom but they nagged at him regardless.

"She's not going to eat you," Sebastian teased when Blaine was silent too long, his hand squeezing around Blaine's.

"You told me once that she didn't want you getting close to anyone," Blaine said with a pointed look to their joined hands.

"Yeah, well…" Sebastian shrugged and pressed cool lips to Blaine's temple in a fleeting kiss that made Blaine's skin buzz. "I've never been good at doing what I'm told, I guess."

Blaine dragged his thumb along the inside of Sebastian's, trying to steal some of the other boy's warmth. "What if… What if I'm not someone she likes?"

"So?" A line formed between Sebastian's eyebrows as he stared at Blaine. "I like you. That's all that matters."

A silly smile crept across Blaine's mouth when he noticed Sebastian hadn't realised what he'd said in such an offhand manner until a couple of seconds after he'd spoken. He gave another little huff and wrinkled his nose at Blaine's knowing grin, who giggled and pressed his nose into Sebastian's shoulder as they walked along the street.

* * *

_**~TBC~** _


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

* * *

"And I'm telling you," Cooper said, with a pointed finger that veered from Blaine to his mother to his father and could have taken out someone's eye, "the industry out there is incredible. I'm still auditioning for actual speaking roles but even just rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous…" Cooper gave a melodramatic sigh, a dreamy smile and glazed look in his eye reminding Blaine about why his brother infuriated him so much. "You're missing out."

Blaine stared at the extended finger and debated whether he could slice it off with a blunt bread knife just to stop it from intruding on his personal space. Maybe Cooper infuriated him because his mother seemed enraptured in every story Cooper had or maybe it was because his father rarely thought twice about him when Cooper was around. His brother being around always conjured a deep feeling of resentment. Cooper would always be the special child, the chosen one, the one who was allowed to chase his dreams because there was a back-up child and that child had all the expectations of success and family loyalty placed upon his shoulders.

He forced himself to chew and swallow his carrots and peas, working his way through his dinner which Cooper barely touched because of all the stories he regaled their parents with. Blaine was sick of the sound of his brother's voice and decided to take Sebastian up on the offer to meet his mother. She could be some evil dragon lady that wanted to eat him or yell at him for dating her son but it would still be more bearable than listening to more ridiculous stories. They were always so exaggerated that he found it impossible to tell what was true or not.

It wasn't like Blaine would brand his brother as a liar. Cooper simply had a tendency to be…a little over-generous with the relevant details. There were times when they were younger that Blaine had known for a fact that Cooper was embellishing a story, so he could only imagine how that trait had expanded when he got older.

He was relieved when his request for leaving the table was granted, picking up his empty plate to leave by the sink for cleaning. He could hear Cooper, uninterrupted by Blaine's departure, beginning another fantastical story. He rolled his eyes and retreated to his room.

Having Cooper home reminded him why he was so glad his brother had gone to the other side of the country.

* * *

He took the first available opportunity to escape his house and see Sebastian.

It was two days after Christmas and the other boy was waiting for him at the end of the street, his hand dangling the blue helmet towards Blaine. The bike idled beneath Sebastian, a low hum that Blaine had wanted to avoid Cooper hearing and sparking a million questions when he returned home.

Through Sebastian's raised visor, he could tell he was being watched.

"I missed you," he said, wrapping his arms around Sebastian's shoulders and resting his head on top of the helmet. It was awkward, a little strange, but he'd felt like Cooper was sucking the oxygen out of the house with all his talking and his parents gave his emotional state even less notice than usual. Listening to Cooper was exhausting and seeing Sebastian, as warm and safe and familiar as ever, was more of a relief than he'd expected.

Sebastian's hand slipped past the buttons of his coat, cool leather gloves sneaking beneath his shirt. He shivered, heart stuttering into a faster rhythm before he stepped back and took the helmet because Sebastian's friskiness got him into trouble in front of neighbours. He jammed the helmet over his head in an attempt to hide the rush of heat to his face.

Squeezing his arms around Sebastian's waist, he felt the purr of the bike beneath him erupt into a roar as the boy peeled away from the side of the road. It was strange seeing the town by daylight compared to when they rode to night-time parties. Dormant trees blurred in front of icicle-draped houses. Snow-covered streets kept most people inside. Icy wind wormed its way through any gaps Blaine had in his clothing but he found he didn't mind the cold. The warmth of Sebastian's body was a good distraction.

When Sebastian finally slowed and pulled into the driveway of a modest, two-storey house, it was so perfectly mundane that Blaine was left wondering how Sebastian learned of the parties in such isolated areas of town. Sebastian's house was as non-descript as Blaine's, with a neat front garden that was mostly spindly twigs in the winter and drawn curtains shielding their lives from nosy neighbours. It gave Blaine the impression there were more secrets concealed within its walls than usual. Blaine's mother preferred the curtains to be open, like it was a sign they had nothing to hide.

"Home sweet home," Sebastian murmured as he stowed Blaine's helmet and twined their fingers together. "You ready to meet my mom?"

Blaine bit his lip, staring at the house which had just amped up the 'imposing' factor. "No."

Sebastian chuckled and kissed his temple. "Come on."

Reluctance mingled with anxiety as Blaine followed Sebastian to the front door. A rush of heated air hit Blaine in the face when the door was opened, feeling too hot on Blaine's wind-chilled skin. He stamped his feet on the mat to get rid of the snow caught in the tracks of his shoes and then stepped inside.

The first thing he noticed was the unremarkable interior. A staircase to the right led upstairs. There was the smell of baking drifting from the kitchen ahead. A living room to the left side housed a bookshelf overflowing with books and DVDs. He could see a set of closed doors down a short corridor to the right of the staircase. As Blaine peered around, noting how simple the house was, he was struck by an odd realisation – where were the pictures? Blaine's mother hung whatever photos she had of her and Todd Anderson Before, of friends they'd once had, of places they'd once vacationed. Hanging beside them were framed sketches of Blaine and Cooper growing up, of the family gathered together for stylised portraits where had Blaine gotten restless. Sebastian's house was…empty of personal touches and it made him frown, wondering if his mother went overboard or if Sebastian's didn't care enough to put them out.

"Mom?" Sebastian called, unwinding his scarf and peeling off his beanie and coat.

"Kitchen!"

Blaine pasted on a confident smile that he was pretty sure Sebastian saw through. Their hands slid together again, giving him some comfort as he trailed after Sebastian. His eyes kept scanning over the blank walls and it reinforced how little he knew about the Smythes. What if Rachel was right? What if he was a-

"Hi, Mom," Sebastian said as they entered the kitchen where the smell of bread and cookies was stronger. He released Blaine's hand to approach the woman at the sink washing a bowl, kissing her long brunette hair where strands of grey began at the crown and drifted down.

She turned and Blaine caught the profile of her face revealing the upturn of lips as she looked at her son. Then she rotated a bit more and saw Blaine loitering in the doorway. "You must be Blaine," she said and Blaine's eyebrows rose at Sebastian before returning to his mother. He hadn't expected her to know his name. He hadn't expected her to have the ghost of a smile on her face as she looked at him.

"Yes, ma'am," he said, twisting his twitching fingers together behind his back.

"Ma'am?" She looked at Sebastian and he realised where Sebastian got his twinkling eyes from. "Just how old did you make me out to the boy, Sebastian?"

"Not old at  _all_ , mom," Sebastian said, shooting Blaine a look above her head and rolling his eyes dramatically. Blaine pressed his lips together so he didn't smile and betray what Sebastian was doing.

Sebastian's mother grabbed for a handtowel, drying off her hands before turning to face him. Blaine felt a hard thump in his chest at the burn scars that criss-crossed the other side of her face, the one that had been turned towards the sink, half-hidden through a curtain of thinner hair. The panicked glance he sent towards Sebastian made Sebastian's mother cluck her tongue against the roof of her mouth.

"Sebastian, why didn't you tell him?" she chided, giving a push to her son's chest before she approached Blaine with an outstretched hand. "You can call me Adriana, dear."

"It's, um…nice to meet you," he said, grasping her hand and trying not to stare too much at the damage done to her face. She only had one eye which gazed at him without judgement. Her quirked lips were just like Sebastian's, betraying traces of amusement. Perhaps it was because he could see so many similarities between her and Sebastian that he couldn't reconcile why Sebastian hadn't told him about this earlier. He could fill in the pieces of how she would have looked without the scarring from the features Sebastian had inherited.

"I suppose it's nice to meet the boy that has returned a smile to my son's face. I wasn't sure it was a good idea at first but he obviously likes you," Adriana said, her smile widening when Sebastian stifled a cough near the sink.

" _Mom_ ," he huffed and Blaine could barely hide his grin at the embarrassed scrunch of Sebastian's nose. He liked seeing that Sebastian's confidence could be reduced and beneath it he was a boy capable of being embarrassed just like Blaine. He wondered if he'd be able to bring that shy smile to Sebastian's lips one day.

"What can I say? I've missed having something, some _one_ , to tease you over," Adriana shrugged, her eye tracing Blaine's face before she let his hand go and drifted towards the oven. "You can't blame me for wanting to rib my son at every available opportunity."

Blaine liked Adriana because she had Sebastian's lightness, his propensity for poking fun at someone without going far enough to be considered cruel. He wondered if Adriana had raised Sebastian on her own for a long time and that's why he took after her so much. He wondered what traits Sebastian had inherited from his father.

"This is why I never bring people home," Sebastian muttered and Blaine could see a pout building on his lower lip. Blaine wasn't sure if he was being addressed or Sebastian was grumping at his mother but it only made it harder to hide his laughter.

"One of the true joys of parenthood is getting to embarrass your children in front of their partners, mon petit," Adriana said, patting Sebastian's shoulder and shooting a wink at Blaine.

"Worst parenthood joy  _ever_ ," Sebastian grunted, kissing his mother's temple and returning to capture Blaine's hand. "I'm glad you've exchanged names. Now you've met. Bye!"

Adriana rolled her eye and waved her fingers in a sarcastic wave Blaine recognised from some of the times Sebastian hurried away from him towards classes after they exchanged something really mushy. A grin spread across his face as Sebastian tugged him towards the front of the house and up the stairs.

"I like her," he commented as he ascended the stairs, noticing how the walls continued to be blank. He wondered if that was because Adriana had no photos or simply didn't want them displaying her face, before or after whatever she'd endured.

"You would," Sebastian grumbled, approaching the last room on the right in the short corridor. Without pausing, he opened the door and entered.

Blaine stepped forward somewhat more tentatively, his eyes drifting over the assortment of items scattered around the room: another bookshelf filled with more books with papers poking out between pages; a shelf of trophies with plastic gold figures trapped in a pose; a desk cluttered with schoolbooks he recognised; a small flatscreen TV attached to one wall with cords leading to a DVD player; a few tattered and faded large posters tacked to the walls naming bands Blaine's father had probably listened to interspersed with small posters advertising local acts in a town with a name Blaine didn't recognise. Were they from Sebastian's last home?

Sebastian let his hand go and gave a small wave towards the items in his room. "You're welcome to explore, you know."

Blaine decided he was most intrigued by the trophies. He moved closer, studying the stretched arms and legs of the figures before reading the plaques stuck to the base. They ranged from ' _Most Improved_ ' to ' _Most Valuable Player_ ' and ' _Best and Fairest_ '. "You played lacrosse?"

"A while ago," Sebastian said, the springs of the bed creaking as he sat with his back against the headboard. "There isn't a team here. It sucks."

He gave an absent nod, examining the spines of the books and catching sight of scraps of Sebastian's swirled handwriting from the exposed edges of paper. For once, he asked the most burning question on his mind. "Why didn't you tell me about…about your mom?"

"I figured you were nervous enough about meeting her without worrying about how you might react to  _seeing_  her," Sebastian explained, his voice too flat and neutral for Blaine's tastes. Blaine glanced over his shoulder at the other boy, eyebrows raised and his dislike for the decision clear. It earned him an unapologetic shrug which didn't quell his slight annoyance. "She's my mom. I wasn't… If you reacted negatively, I wasn't sure how I'd feel."

Blaine stared at the golden lacrosse figures, his fingers floating over the plaques. They hinted at a sportsman Blaine hadn't seen. He was starting to suspect there were  _many_  things he hadn't seen. "So you chose not to tell me and hoped for the best?"

"Not my finest moment but I thought I'd cope better with it."

Blaine suppressed a sigh at the indifference in Sebastian's tone. Sebastian  _obviously_  cared but the lack of information that had been shared… What else had Sebastian never told him which could be of crucial importance? What if he got injured and his blood had that rare ability not to clot? What if Sebastian was asthmatic or fatally allergic to peanuts? What if his distance was because he didn't have all those details because he was a spy?

He shook his head at his ridiculous thoughts and removed his coat, hanging it from the back of Sebastian's chair and moving towards the bed. "You can trust me not to freak out and flee, you know," he said, not sure Sebastian looked convinced as he sat beside the other boy. Their shoulders brushed and their fingers tangled together like always.

"Trust isn't a simple thing to come by," Sebastian mused, his thumb smoothing over Blaine's knuckles in an obvious attempt to pacify him. "It's not that I don't trust you, Killer. It's more that… If I told you, and you had a negative reaction, I don't know what I'd do. You… You've become so important to me, Blaine. I don't want to screw that up."

Blaine lowered his head to Sebastian's shoulder and stared at the festive pattern of reindeer and Santa hats on Sebastian's green socks. "Then I'll wait until you're more comfortable with telling me," he said. He wasn't sure patience was his greatest trait but if Sebastian needed him to wait then he could. He  _would._  Just because Blaine understood the structures of their world didn't mean he understood Sebastian's life. The revelation that Adriana had gone through something horrific brought that into startling focus.

Sebastian kissed and nuzzled his hair, his breath tickling through Blaine's curls. Blaine's thoughts drifted towards the lack of images, wondering if there was a box in an attic or basement of a younger Sebastian, of Adriana, of Sebastian's father. He wondered how many secrets were layered within Sebastian's soul that he might never get to understand.

* * *

When one considered all the things that two teenage boys could get up to in a bedroom with the door closed, Blaine was surprised that Sebastian wanted to watch movies and only kissed him during the boring parts. He'd expected Sebastian to want to do more, to go further, to slide confident hands to Blaine's trembling skin and, deep down, he was grateful that the other boy didn't push him. He couldn't shake the insecurities he had about his inexperience.

Besides, he knew Adriana was downstairs. Seeing her after they did…something would have been incredibly awkward. He tried to imagine emerging from the room, his hair mussed and his lips kiss-swollen, when they went downstairs to collect freshly-baked cookies and a glass of milk. Blaine spotted the back of her head in the living room, hidden by an armchair. If she'd been in the kitchen and spied rumpled clothing and flushed cheeks, he was pretty sure he would have gone outside and buried himself alive under ten feet of snow.

"She'll be reading," Sebastian explained when Blaine made a gesture towards where she was while the taller boy returned the milk carton to the fridge. "She's always reading."

Blaine leaned against the counter and nibbled at the edge of a cookie, his eyebrows wiggling in amusement. "Is that why you question everything in class?"

Sebastian paused in front of the fridge, an odd tension spreading across his shoulders in a few scant seconds before it was gone and Blaine wondered if he'd only imagined it. He'd meant the question as a joke but that wasn't reflected in Sebastian's fleeting reaction.

"If I don't ask questions, how am I to learn?" Sebastian said, tossing Blaine a challenge he knew he couldn't answer.

Instead of formulating a response, he avoided Sebastian's eyes and took a larger bite of his cookie. Ginger, cinnamon and chocolate crumbled across his tongue and he hummed in satisfaction. He knew Sebastian was watching him again, conscious of how he was drawing attention to his mouth with each bite, and felt his toes fidgeting against the floor.

"Thank you for coming," Sebastian said, the unexpected gratitude drawing Blaine's eyes up to meet flecked green. "I know how nervous you were about meeting my mom."

Blaine tried to play off his previous unease with a shrug, mostly because he had used coming over as an excuse to escape Cooper, but the twitch of Sebastian's lips made it clear he wasn't let off the hook that easily. "I wasn't sure she'd like me," he mumbled.

Sebastian stepped closer, a hand sliding along Blaine's waist to the small of his back. "What's not to like?" he asked, his voice a whisper of warm air across Blaine's face.

Blaine had almost certainly forgotten how to breathe and didn't remember Sebastian's question within seconds of it being asked. Sebastian's gaze was so intense that the butterflies – or maybe the chocolate – in his stomach melted into goo and he ducked his head, peeking up through his eyelashes when a bubble of laughter brushed against his warming cheeks.

When Sebastian kissed him, his toes curled in his socks at the insistence of Sebastian's tongue. The grip he had on Sebastian's shirt tightened when hips pressed him into the counter. His breath stuttered when another hand cradled his neck, a thumb beneath his jaw raising his head to increase the demand in his kiss. His heart was like a hummingbird's wings, vibrating behind his eyes and in his chest and his stomach to the tips of his fingers.

Happiness fizzled inside him and he was dazed by the time a lighter, chaste kiss was left on his lips. His eyes cracked open to see Sebastian's amused smile, his sparkling eyes, his cheeks dusted with pink as he surveyed the impact he'd left on Blaine's barely cognizant mind.

"Mom's cookies make your mouth taste  _awesome_ ," Sebastian said with a bright grin.

Blaine choked in surprise, shoving Sebastian's chest with a mock glare while the boy cackled and pulled away from him.

* * *

For all the fun of the day, it had to end at some point.

Blaine was reluctant to let go of Sebastian when the appointed hour of his curfew began to draw close. Adriana had proven herself a consummate cook with the chicken pesto lasagne she had made, something new and interesting that Blaine wanted to get his own mother to make but doubted she would when she heard where he'd gained the recipe idea. She traded jokes with Sebastian while Blaine tried not to think about where her scars had come from when he looked at her. She laughed when Sebastian would add a snippy comment and Blaine's eyes would drift to the empty seat at the head of the table.

He knew it was a relief to eat without having to listen to another story of Cooper's brush with fame or the awkward silences as his parents pretended he didn't exist. He had no idea what a 'normal' family dinner was but eating with Sebastian and Adriana was a wonderful change.

He exchanged long kisses with Sebastian in the foyer after as they pulled on their coats and scarves and gloves, delaying their journey into the cold night for as long as possible. He didn't like thinking that he was clinging to Sebastian a little tighter than usual, preferring instead to imagine they were travelling somewhere other than home, like an exotic location that was warm, where it was just him and Sebastian with hours and  _hours_  of uninterrupted time and-

The bike cut out and he startled with embarrassment when he realised they were outside his house.

"Alright there, Killer?" Sebastian said as he removed the helmet and Blaine nodded, his gloved fingers a little clumsy in undoing the Velcro straps. Sebastian's hands soon rose to help him with the helmet and he pressed a kiss of thanks to Sebastian's cheek before climbing off the bike.

"I…enjoyed myself today," he said as he led Sebastian up the path to his house. "Thank you for rescuing me from here."

"Mom will have you back any time you like," Sebastian said, stopping on the front porch and leaning in to whisper against his ear, "I'll have you back whether my mom's there or not."

Blaine's cheeks warmed and he scrunched his nose and glared, earning him a soft laugh and a kiss to the tip of his nose. Sebastian wrapped him into a hug, the cool slope of his nose brushing against the curls near Blaine's temple. His own hands shifted beneath Sebastian's jacket and he inhaled deeply, comforted by the scent of cologne and leather and coffee.

"Thank you for making me so happy," Sebastian whispered, so soft that Blaine wasn't sure if he was meant to hear it. His head rested against the centre of Sebastian's chest and for a moment, a few fleeting seconds, he forgot the world he lived in.

Sebastian pressed another chaste kiss to his lips before pulling away and Blaine trampled on the urge to chase the other boy down the path for a better kiss, one that set fire to his soul and consumed his thoughts for hours afterwards. He didn't want to enter the house, procrastinating the reality he had to return to so he could hold onto the time he'd enjoyed with Sebastian.

He shoved his hands into his pockets and watched Sebastian climb onto his bike. His scarf trapped additional heat against his neck when he eyed the stretch of Sebastian's legs and his ease straddling something. He was glad for the distance of the front lawn which hopefully concealed the redness that he imagined had begun creeping into his face.

He tried to pretend the heat didn't disappear and his chest didn't feel a little more hollow after Sebastian rode away and he was forced to enter his house.

The only light on downstairs was in the foyer and he quickly and quietly stowed his shoes and hung his coat, beanie and scarf on the rack before ascending the stairs. The corridor was dark, no strips of light beneath the doors, so he traced his fingertips along the walls until he reached his door. He fumbled for the handle, already unbuttoning his shirt as he opened the door and groping around for the light switch.

"What time do you-"

"Jesus!" he screeched, clutching a hand to his pounding chest, pulling his shirt closed and half-turning from Cooper sitting primly on the edge of his bed. He hoped he hadn't woken his parents. He knew he was within his curfew but they'd tell him off for the disturbance and ignore that Cooper had scared him. "Cooper, what the  _hell_?"

"Evening, little brother," Cooper said, folding his hands together beneath his chin and leaning forward. "Have a good day?"

Blaine's eyes narrowed at Cooper, immediately wary of the blasé attitude and innocent posture. His brother may have been trying to be an actor but he was also his  _brother_  and Blaine liked to think he saw straight through Cooper's stupid pretences better than anyone. "It's my life," he said, hoping it didn't sound as harsh and defensive as it probably did.

"That it is," Cooper said with a nod and pursed lips. His blue eyes were steady on Blaine, dissecting some of the armour he wore around his parents, around Rachel and Nick, even around Sebastian. Sometimes he forgot how Cooper could look at him with such calm, assessing eyes that reduced him to a boy half his age. "I'd just hope you're being careful."

Blaine peeled off his socks and glanced pointedly at Cooper, ensuring his brother had averted his eyes before he swapped his jeans for a pair of sweatpants. "Why wouldn't I be careful?" he said as he changed.

Cooper was quiet long enough for him to dispose of his clothes and dither around his room looking for something to do that would stop him fidgeting. When he looked over his shoulder, he noticed it was Cooper that had fidgeting fingers knotting and unknotting in his lap.

"Coop?"

"C'mere," Cooper said, patting a spot beside him. Blaine deliberated on the choice before he relented, crossing the few steps to sit next to Cooper. Cooper's hands loosened and one settled against Blaine's knee, a gentle pressure laced with something else. "I know our age difference means there's a lot we've missed out on as brothers. I know I haven't always been there for you the way siblings are there for other siblings. But I- I'm still your brother and I care about you."

Blaine frowned and raised his eyes to Cooper's. Where was this coming from? What was his brother getting at? "Cooper?" he prompted.

"Just…be safe," Cooper said, squeezing Blaine's knee. "Remember the world we live in, Squirt. Remember how many eyes and ears can turn against you, rightly or wrongly. Remember that the people you trust can turn into the people that betray you."

Blaine opened his mouth to say something, to leap to Sebastian's defence and shoot down Cooper's veiled accusations. But…he hesitated, his teeth dragging at his lower lip, because this was his brother and even though Cooper annoyed the hell out of him most of the time, he still respected Cooper's advice. He still craved his brother's care. He saw Nick's enduring love for his sister and he  _wanted_  that sort of bond. "Are you saying I shouldn't be seeing Sebastian?"

Cooper's eyes glinted while he surveyed Blaine's expression. "I'm saying you should think about what you say to people who moved to town for unknown reasons. The risks are… They could be immense, Blaine."

He understood Cooper was trying to warn him but it felt like another source of support he needed that failed to validate his feelings. Cooper was just like Rachel and Nick, getting under his skin with their gentle words before trying to tear apart the relationship he had with Sebastian.

He was on his feet so abruptly that Cooper's hand tumbled from his body. "You think I haven't thought about that?" he snapped, folding his arms over his chest. "You think I haven't-"

"You're smart, Blaine," Cooper interrupted, rising to his feet and using the extra inches of height he'd inherited from their father to his advantage. Blaine felt like the small boy with a teenage brother telling him about the girls he liked at school when Blaine just wanted to colour. "You're smart but love makes even the best of us blind."

" _Love_?" he squeaked, turning away from Cooper to move to his window, peering between the blinds at the empty street. "I'm not- God, Cooper. I like him but it's not… We're not…"

"Just be careful what you tell him," Cooper said again and Blaine almost wondered if Cooper knew more than he was letting on. He wanted to know, wanted to ask – hell, he wanted to ask Sebastian about his mother – but he knew there were answers that could put him in danger of knowing too much. He could be Reported for that. He could be Reported for being too inquisitive, too curious. He could be Reported if he found something out and shared it with the wrong person. Sebastian's ability to speak his mind hadn't extended to Blaine thus far. His knowledge of the world, his close call with the Office of the Sheriff as a child, made him timid and wary, conscious of stepping too far and creating a problem. It was why Cooper's warnings made such little sense. Did his brother,  _their parents_ , doubt that he was capable of keeping his mouth shut?

By the time he'd churned over the various implications of Cooper's words, his brother had left him alone in a room that felt several degrees cooler than the icicles that were beginning to form around his heart.

* * *

**_~TBC~_ **


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

* * *

As much as he didn't want to admit it, Blaine knew the tables had turned and now he was avoiding Sebastian. Cooper's words played on his mind during every waking moment, growing distorted as he tossed and turned in fitful attempts at chasing sleep. The words haunted his nightmares which consisted of Adriana chasing him through dark alleyways, her scarred face illuminated and shadowed into something terrifying and ghastly. He turned down Sebastian's offer of a New Year's Eve party and made excuses for not meeting with him the rest of the break, using Cooper's visit for all it was worth even though Cooper had returned to Los Angeles on New Year's Day.

The night before school resumed gave him even less respite from his anxious thoughts.

He kept circling back on how little he knew about Sebastian and where he'd come from. Adriana's appearance had to factor in somewhere, somehow, and Sebastian's father's disappearance, his complete absence from Sebastian's vocabulary, also had to be a key piece of the puzzle. He recalled the empty walls but the warmth in Adriana's eye and her smile and he wanted to tell Cooper he was wrong, that someone willing to capture his heart wouldn't have a mother that cared so much for her son, but people could be Reported by family members just as much as strangers. If you knew something and said nothing, you were guilty by association. If his parents or Cooper were suspicious, they could make a Report and Blaine wasn't sure how much he trusted his parents or Cooper. If he wasn't sure how much he trusted his family, how was he meant to place his faith in someone that had only been in town a few months?

He trudged to school through mounds of fresh snow, clutching his coat tighter around his body and clinging to his scarf every time a blast a wild wintery wind sent shivers down his spine. His teeth chattered in his skull, his eyes prickled with pain, and he considered declaring an interest in a job near Cooper, where it was warm even in the middle of winter, just to escape the frigid temperature.

He wasn't surprised when he walked through the northern gates and the quadrangle was empty, the paths salted and cleared but the gardens piled with fresh snow. He knew Rachel and Nick would be in the Art rooms but he didn't know if they were talking to him again. He wasn't sure where Sebastian would go in the cold and that made his anxiety worse because he didn't know where to go to keep avoiding him. He knew it was pointless; he couldn't avoid the other boy forever. They shared several classes and would  _have_  to see each other. He just...didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to explain his poor behaviour without asking dozens of personal, probing questions to gain answers for all the things he didn't know. Cooper's warning still rang in his ears, reminding him over and over that he could be Reported by Sebastian just as much as his own family. He didn't know what it was that could see him Reported but…was it worth running the risk?

He ended up skulking outside the Chemistry classroom, waiting for Mrs Fredericton to arrive and keeping his eyes trained on the floor. The snow was melting from his shoes in a small puddle beneath his soles.

"You look awfully glum." A familiar arm looped through his and Rachel's body squeezed next to him. He wondered if that meant she'd forgiven him and was talking to him again. "You're meant to look happy and relaxed after a break."

He forced a smile at Rachel but her eyes told him she wasn't convinced by his attempt to assure her he was fine. He sighed and leaned against the wall, resuming his stare at the floor because it meant he wouldn't accidentally make eye-contact with Sebastian when he showed up. There were a few breaths of uncertainty and then,

"Did things with you and Sebastian…?" Rachel prompted and he shook his head, then shrugged, then wasn't sure what sort of message he was conveying so he shrugged again. Her perceptiveness of his distress wasn't surprising given the longevity of their friendship but he was at a loss to explain his feelings.

"Cooper made it clear I can't trust him," he mumbled, biting at his lower lip. "And I- It's what you'd tried to warn me about, right? I don't know him and that's dangerous and I shouldn't be so stupid and-"

"Hey." Rachel jostled his arm and wove her fingers through his. His worried ramblings dried in his throat at her comforting gesture. "Don't talk like that. Since when has your brother ever said anything worth listening to?"

Her sarcasm brought a slight twitch to his lips as a result of the brief burst of amusement, but it was quickly consumed by the pain and fear that had left him feeling nauseous for a week. "Just because he said you wouldn't make it in showbiz without a nose job doesn't mean he can't make a correct observation that there are dangers in trusting someone."

Rachel huffed and he knew her eyes had taken on the hard, frustrated look she got whenever someone said something she didn't like. "Yes, well. You're lucky I like you enough that I didn't decide to end our friendship over his assessment," she said and he gripped her hand tighter. She squeezed back and he guessed that was her way of saying she wasn't ending the friendship over the relationship he'd been developing with Sebastian either.

"We've known each other since we were four, Rachel," he commented, deciding to keep the tone of the conversation as light as possible but also laced with his hurt at how abandoned he'd felt by her. "You can't toss me away so easily."

"A nose job though," she growled. "He needs some work done on reducing the size of his ego."

Blaine raised her hand and kissed the back of it, savouring her capacity to ground him in the moment and distract him from his confusing array of feelings. Maybe he should have reached out to her over the holidays so they could yell and scream the distrust and hurt out of their systems before coming back together as something better, something stronger. Maybe he'd been wrong when he thought she'd never be a true friend to him. Maybe he'd been wrong when he thought he couldn't confide in her.

"It's not easy to trust someone," she said, tucking closer to his side and hushing her voice. He'd never asked about her relationship with Jesse or the one she'd attempted to cultivate with Finn. He'd never asked her how much she trusted them with her secrets. "It's even harder to trust someone when they aren't your family and you want to lose yourself in them and let your words go with reckless abandon." She paused and Blaine mulled over her words, wondering how much she was talking about him, understanding his fears, or herself. "But Blaine… You need to think about whether you're more afraid of trusting him with your thoughts or your heart."

Blaine blinked before his eyes slid towards her, her blunt assessment bringing up something he hadn't even thought about. He'd been so focused on saying the wrong thing he hadn't considered the dangers to his heart. Of course Rachel remembered the crush he'd had as a sophomore on the blond, curly-haired senior. Of course Rachel remembered the crush he'd felt when the senior had laughed at him in the quad and walked away. It was such a low point of his existence that he'd stuffed it deep within him and sealed it in a box.

Rachel was still studying him intently when he realised he hadn't replied. Yes, he was afraid of trusting Sebastian with his heart but that wasn't the major problem here.

…right?

"I don't want to be Reported," he mumbled, returning his attention to the floor.

"Then don't say anything that would make him Report you," she said and he could hear the accompanying eye roll in her voice. "Does that mean you shouldn't see him at all? Does that mean you deny yourself happiness? That's a whole separate issue and you're smart enough to know when to keep your mouth shut, Blaine."

"But-"

"He's coming," she interrupted and he fell silent, peeking up through his eyelashes to see Sebastian approaching cautiously before the taller boy stopped on the other side of the corridor, several feet away.

It was obvious Sebastian was trying to appear unaffected from the raised, stiff jaw and the dip of his brow but his flitting eyes and fidgeting hands made it clear he was fighting with an urge to turn to Blaine. Blaine didn't know whether it would be to confront him or embrace him and he didn't know which option he preferred.

"You two are hopeless," Rachel said with a dramatic sigh. He knew she'd rolled her eyes again too.

"Rach-"

"If you don't want to be Reported, then keep your words to yourself," Rachel said, her simple words spoken calmly but with an edge of determination that deflated his attempt at pleading with her. "That doesn't mean you have to keep your hands to yourself too."

Her sudden change of tack had him choking when saliva went the wrong way down his throat. Tears watered in his eyes as he doubled over, his lungs and stomach contracting painfully in an attempt to expel the irritant. He could hear Sebastian's shoes shifting against the linoleum floor, struggling to stay where he was when Blaine was in such obvious distress.

Rachel hit his back a few times and after a few panicky seconds, he was able to suck in a proper lungful of air. He shot Rachel a murderous look at his first opportunity, ignoring the wet trails on his cheeks that had been shed in desperation for oxygen. The answering grin was too delighted for his liking and his eyes narrowed further, plotting some sort of revenge on her one day when she was least expecting it, like spiders between her sheets or cutting her hair while she was asleep or-

He fought to keep his face neutral when he considered replacing her conditioner with hair removal cream like he knew Cooper had done to an ex-girlfriend that had cheated.

Even though it was clear she wanted him and Sebastian to talk, she stayed close to him in class. It was enough of a barrier to keep Sebastian at a distance. The boy sat at a different desk, his head bowed as he doodled in his book, but Blaine could see the quiver in his fingers and the strands of hair that kept flopping into his eyes. His constant checking of Sebastian meant he failed to concentrate on anything Mrs Fredericton said and he had no idea what to do in the experiment he was meant to run. He was grateful Rachel was his lab partner when she guided him through the parts he'd tuned out, telling him to write down the results as she mixed chemicals together to create colourful reactions of varying textures. It gave him a bit more time to figure out what he was meant to say to a boy that looked as lost as he felt, as desperate to move closer as Blaine, as determined to offer distance if that was what Blaine wanted.

Getting lost in his meandering thoughts was probably why he startled when the bell rang. When he turned to say something to Rachel, he caught the faintest glimpse of her hair flouncing out the door and he knew she'd deliberately abandoned him. Removing the human shield meant he would be forced to face Sebastian.

Out of embarrassment and shame, he kept his eyes on his books and pencil case as he tried to put off the inevitable just a little longer. He stowed them meticulously, fully aware that Sebastian was hovering on the edge of his peripheral vision at the end of his lab bench.

With a tired sigh, Sebastian broke the silence. "Look, if you don't want anything to do with me anymore, can you just tell me?" Sadness and exasperation bled into his words which filled Blaine with guilt. He wanted to curl his arms around his body in an attempt to hold his heart inside his chest. "I don't understand what went wrong if I only get silent treatment. I don't understand what…what  _I_ did wrong to get the silent treatment."

Traitorous tears prickled Blaine's eyes as he zipped up his bag and slung it over his shoulder. He still couldn't look at Sebastian. He thought the anguish would probably be etched into every pore of his face. "You didn't do anything wrong," he whispered.

"Then  _why_  are you avoiding me?" Sebastian said with the tiniest hint of begging in his voice.

He knew he couldn't escape the question without rudely pushing past Sebastian and he knew that would ruin any chance he had at apologising or fixing their relationship. He could tell Sebastian was confused and blaming himself and knowing that made it worse, because Blaine knew it wasn't Sebastian's fault at all. It might be easier to pin the blame on someone he barely knew rather than his own brother but the feelings he had for Sebastian… Blaine knew blaming Sebastian would only make it hurt more.

Sebastian stepped closer, into the blurred borders of his vision, and Blaine could see the outstretched hand that he ached to take. He knew how safe Sebastian's arms always felt, how he could sink into the expanse of his chest and hide from all his thoughts and fears. He missed Sebastian more than he could ever express.

"My brother-" He hesitated, feeling the sludge of uncertainty seep from his stomach as he decided to choose a boy he liked over the concerns of his own family. His fingers twisted into the strap of his bag and he bit his lip, staring at his feet for a moment as he collected his thoughts. "He was… He warned me about the dangers of trusting someone new to town that no one knows."

If he listened hard enough, he was pretty sure he could hear the faint stutter in Sebastian's breathing as he realised what Blaine was saying.

"So it's not safe to talk to me because I could Report you?" Sebastian said, sounding like he was exhausted of having this discussion, of defending himself to people who were never going to trust him anyway. Blaine could only imagine the wary eyes cast his way if he was new in town and the difficulty in getting anyone to listen to you. And what about Adriana? How often did she go out? Who saw her? What did they think? "Or it's not safe to be seen with me because others could Report you? Or  _us_?"

Sebastian understood the possibilities of Cooper's warning but Blaine had never sought clarification for the cryptic words. Instead, he'd stupidly taken them on board and shut down and stressed himself to the point of barely sleeping in more than a week.

With a shrug laden with guilt, he glanced up to take in Sebastian's wan expression. It was easier to see the curve of shadows beneath his eyes when he was this close. His green eyes were flat and didn't sparkle. His cheeks were so pallid that he looked fragile. Blaine's heart ached because he knew it was his fault Sebastian looked like this. "I don't want either of us to be in danger, Seb…"

"Blaine." Sebastian's eyes closed and he shook his head a fraction, his tone dripping with disappointment. When his eyes opened again, he inched closer, close enough to graze his fingertips against Blaine's sweater. Blaine had to fight not to lean into the touch, to wrap himself in the warmth and acceptance Sebastian offered until all his insecurities and fears were forgotten. "I- I know this is hard to understand or accept because yeah, you don't know me, but I…I'd never Report you. I couldn't bear the thought that I- I was responsible for you- You know."

Blaine nodded, struggling to stand still when the fingertips tiptoed towards curling around his wrist.

"And as for anyone Reporting us… We haven't done anything wrong. We're allowed to talk. We're allowed to kiss each other."

Sebastian sounded so calm, so confident, but Blaine could still feel the unease bubbling within him.

"You know Reporting doesn't have to be based on truthful facts, right?"

His sharp words made Sebastian's lips thin into a grim line. His eyes were unfocused, staring at something over Blaine's head, and he wondered where Sebastian's thoughts drifted. Was it related to his father somehow? Was that why-

The thought disappeared when Sebastian's expression cleared but the rim of his eyes were turning pink and Blaine guessed the other boy was trying to suppress tears.

"You  _can_  trust me, Blaine," Sebastian whispered, his fingers increasing in pressure against Blaine's wrist for a moment as he searched for something in Blaine's expression. "I know that's what someone might say if they were trying to set you up but I swear I'm not. I'd never want anyone to be… I told you I like you and you make me happy. I'm not going to betray that. Not for anything."

Blaine's defences were crumbling, his attempts at protecting himself from Sebastian getting under his skin failing miserably when Sebastian's touch was on him and his words seemed so earnest. Being alone the past week had felt like torture, reminding him of the warmth and life Sebastian infused his life with. Even though he had Rachel, even though he'd known her most of his life, there were still times he was wary of her. There were still times she reacted in ways that confused him. Sebastian… Sebastian was different, although he was still figuring out whether that difference was reassuring or dangerous.

"I'd  _never_  betray you, Blaine," Sebastian repeated, pressing a soft kiss to Blaine's forehead before pulling away. "I'll be waiting whenever you realise I'm true to my word."

The heat that had awoken beneath his skin at Sebastian's touch was extinguished when he left the lab. The echoing effects of his words lasted for hours.

* * *

He survived without Sebastian's warmth until Thursday, when the longing became too much to bear and he decided to give trusting Sebastian a chance. There had been something in his words, an honesty mingled with a plea, that had looped his brain during the past restless nights. Maybe Sebastian knew, like Nick, what it was like to lose someone to an unsubstantiated Report? Maybe Sebastian was willing to turn a blind eye to any indiscretion on Blaine's part because he was scarred by the memories of a family member he'd lost?

In any case, he survived until he saw Sebastian's hair on the walk towards Math. He could see Sebastian's head was bowed and Blaine felt a pang of sadness and loneliness that spurred him forward. He was almost jogging along the corridor, weaving between people escaping the cold outside by dawdling in the doorways of their classrooms, and – without making the conscious decision – slipped his fingers between the gaps in Sebastian's like always.

Sebastian startled, his arm instinctively drawing away before he realised who it was and he stopped. His hand was limp against Blaine's and he wondered if it was his imagination that it seemed clammy. There were definitely faint trembles that he didn't remember from before.

"Does this mean you're willing to trust me?" Sebastian said, his eyes ticking over Blaine's face.

"I'm…trying," Blaine murmured and was glad for the hint of a smile that played on Sebastian's lips, the soft kiss to his forehead as Sebastian drew him closer and inhaled deeply.

"I'll prove to you that you can," Sebastian said and some of Blaine's anxiety, his isolation, his uncertainty, thawed within moments of Sebastian guiding him through the corridors with a confident grip of his hand. The debilitating weight that had been on his shoulders, the crushing loss and despair which had kept him awake at night, lessened with every step he took towards their classroom with his hand gripped by Sebastian's.

There was no way he could explain the feelings he had for Sebastian to someone like Cooper. They were too impossible to even explain to himself.

* * *

_**~TBC~** _


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

* * *

In the two months between rekindling his relationship with Sebastian and Blaine's eighteenth birthday, he found that the days plodded along with unerring regularity. Some days seemed to drag on forever while other days vanished in the blink of an eye.

In the two months which passed, Sebastian had his eighteenth birthday and Blaine spent it at Sebastian's house. He shared in the meal Adriana had prepared and gave Sebastian one of his favourite books, watching the green eyes light up at being bestowed with something Blaine treasured. He spent the evening cuddled between Sebastian's legs while they watched a movie, the birthday boy tracing his fingers through Blaine's hair while he struggled not to be lulled to sleep.

In the two months which passed, Sebastian had to declare himself willing to be placed in a job that the Government supplied since he had no community ties. Blaine had initially been surprised, recalling how Sebastian had said he'd transferred for his mother's work, before discovering that Adriana was on a disability support payment and didn't need to work. It only added to Blaine's curiosity about the  _real_  reason Sebastian had transferred, but he avoided bringing it up.

In the two months which passed, Sebastian received a letter a few weeks later informing him that upon the completion of his studies, he would begin his job as a garbage collector. Blaine had wrinkled his nose at the thought of the job, imagining the putrid and vile scents and the boring monotony of inching along the road. Sebastian, on the other hand, seemed thrilled for reasons Blaine couldn't fathom and spun him around in a circle before kissing him until he'd forgotten what he had been thinking.

In the two months which passed, Rachel and Nick accepted Sebastian wasn't going anywhere because Blaine's eyes had turned into hearts. Nick still seemed wary but Blaine's friendship with Rachel was growing stronger as he realised they had something in common now – gossiping about boys.

In the two months which passed, Blaine's parents became increasingly alien to him. They refused to acknowledge his relationship and he began to meet Sebastian on the footpath rather than the doorstep. There were a lot of nights when Blaine's father wouldn't look at him and there wasn't even the smallest scrap of conversation thrown his way.

In the two months which passed, Blaine began to think that he would make the same declaration to the Government after his eighteenth birthday, insisting that he had no better job prospects and no community ties. The distance between him and his parents, and his father's inattention to his existence, made Blaine unwilling to work in the music store.

The official plan was to spend his eighteenth birthday with his parents which, he suspected, would include another evening of sitting around the dining table in silence while the Andersons ate and ignored Blaine. The unofficial plan was to celebrate his eighteen birthday with Rachel, Nick and Sebastian two nights later with a small party at Rachel's house. Then he'd return to Sebastian's to stay the night – which might have been a small detail he'd substituted with information that he was sleeping over at Rachel's house. Sebastian had offered to have the party at his place but the unease was obvious in his eyes and Blaine wasn't prepared to expose parts of Sebastian's life to his friends. He knew Rachel would be persistent in asking questions of Sebastian or Adriana that weren't appropriate and he didn't want it to spoil the night.

The Wednesday in March that signalled his birthday began as any other, with the echo of gunfire ringing through the empty streets. Blaine counted to nine before releasing a breath when silence invaded his room again. He stared at the ceiling, feeling like nothing had changed. It was the dawn of an important milestone but he still felt like the same Blaine.

He spun Rachel in the tight, squealing hug she bestowed on him when he walked through the gates at school, earning her a few glares for the disruptive behaviour she displayed on Death Day. Nick was better at observing the respectful silence, gripping Blaine in a hug with a firm hand against his shoulder blades and whispering, "Happy birthday," in his ear. Sebastian wore a lopsided smile as Blaine curled under the outstretched arm and raised his head for a simple kiss that meant everything.

He felt like he spent the day searching for changes, like turning eighteen would brighten the colours of the world or make him more alert to…something. Instead, his classes had the same teachers with content that built on that of the previous day. His journey to different classes included the same brief exchanges of kisses or squeezed hands from Sebastian. Lunch was spent with Rachel, Nick and Sebastian in a corner of the quiet cafeteria. His departure from school at the end of the day was where he met Sebastian at the gates to begin the same walk home. The routine which was usually comforting seemed jarring on a day that he'd always thought was monumental, a rite of passage that, so far, had failed to reveal anything special.

"I hope they're nice to you tonight," Sebastian said as they walked along familiar streets, the snow giving way to the first buds of a new spring. Life was returning to the world even though most barely noticed, but Blaine knew the different shades of green like he knew the freckles on Sebastian's face, had heard the twittering of birds that had flown back to his town after the cold like he heard Sebastian's voice through a crowded corridor. The ease that the birds could come and go made him a little jealous on the days he wanted to escape the city limits to somewhere that wasn't…here.

He shrugged, swinging Sebastian's hand between them and pausing when he was turned into a kiss, his blazer becoming embedded with rough bark from the tree he was pressed against. Sebastian's tongue invaded his mouth and a moan settled in his throat, his fingers bunching into Sebastian's blazer to hold him close.

"You deserve nice things on your birthday," Sebastian said, nosing at Blaine's cheek which distracted him from coordinating a derisive response. "You deserve to be acknowledged and have people express how much they love you."

He almost went to hum in agreement because yes, that would be nice, when he processed what Sebastian had said. His eyes snapped open, meeting Sebastian's hesitant expression which suggested he was  _very_  aware of what he'd said. Had he said it deliberately? Had he meant it?

Maybe the simple declaration was what would make today special. Nothing earth-shattering, nothing ground-breaking, just an expression of love.

His cheeks warmed with happiness as he snuck his hand under the blazer to tiptoe along Sebastian's waist, feeling the groove of his hips. "What if my parents don't express how much they love me? Should I expect other people to do that?"

He could have sworn Sebastian's cheeks were dusted with pink as he avoided Blaine's eyes. "Maybe you should, yeah," Sebastian mumbled.

His heart felt like it had tripled in size in his chest but was beating at half the speed it should. The world felt oddly distorted, narrowed down to only the two of them pressed against a large oak tree on the side of the road. He didn't feel even the faintest trace of embarrassment at how public they were being, despite how anyone could see them. He was too busy enjoying how Sebastian seemed to be embarrassed in front of him for the first time which wasn't a result of Adriana's teasing words.

"Well if I don't get much love expressed from them tonight, then I'm sure Rachel and Nick can fill that void on Friday," he said, a teasing smile creeping onto his face.

Sebastian's eyes had that same intense look they had in the darkness of a house party, staring so deep into Blaine that he felt like all his secrets were on display. "Maybe they won't be the only ones."

Blaine quirked his eyebrows, enjoying the feeling that he had an upper hand in this conversation. "Yeah? You think someone else would express how much they love me? Rachel's fathers? I guess I  _have_  known her since we were four so they probably do lo-"

Sebastian snorted and shook his head, pressing a chaste kiss to Blaine's lips that left him chasing after more. Despite their location, it turned into something that seeped heat into his bones and left his pants uncomfortably tight as Sebastian slotted their hips together. His breath was unsteady when Sebastian finally pulled his mouth away, fairly certain his spine was moulded around the contours of the tree behind him and he'd never be able to walk properly again.

"Guess you'll just have to wait until Friday to find out if there are other people who love you," Sebastian said, a promise laced around his words that made butterflies erupt in Blaine's stomach and warmth flood his face.

Maybe he'd been kidding himself. Maybe he never had the upper hand at all.

* * *

When he was called to dinner that night, the butterflies Sebastian had left in his belly earlier had soured with unease and uncertainty. He had completed his homework and tidied his room, nervous about facing his parents. His step into adulthood was one that deserved recognition but he couldn't imagine it would receive the same level of joy that they had showered upon Cooper years ago.

His chest throbbed with pain, but he couldn't say he was surprised, when the spread of food at dinner wasn't unusual.

Silence pervaded the dining room as he sat, his back rigid and his shoulders straight as he surveyed his parents who had begun eating without him. His mother had her eyes low, chewing mechanically from a meal cut into small squares. His father reclined in his chair, an impassive look on his face that felt as though he were daring Blaine to say something. Blaine forced himself to serve food onto his plate and start eating. The only sound in the room was the scrape of cutlery on the plates or the crunch of a vegetable between teeth or the gulp of a drink down a throat.

The contrast between his eighteenth birthday and Cooper's was a stark reminder that he was a failure, that he was nothing in the eyes of his parents. For too long he'd been the dutiful son with the expectations of running the family business placed upon his shoulders but…perhaps it was his relationship with Sebastian that had been the catalyst for change within him. He'd come out to his parents years ago and knew they weren't supportive but it was easier to pretend when he wasn't holding hands with a boy or being caught with that boy cuddled against his chest while they napped.

He wasn't sure if it was anxiety or anger that was building in his chest. He tried to shove it down, tried to force food down his throat and think of better things but it was difficult. After Sebastian had suggested that tonight, of all nights, he deserved to feel loved and acknowledged it was making it harder to maintain any sense of propriety, any concept of decorum. It was much easier to feel like he didn't matter and he was worthless. It was easier to feel unacknowledged, unnoticed, as irrelevant as a piece of dirt on someone's shoe. Most of the time he was able to tolerate the awkward family dinners but on his birthday? On his birthday, when he could still recall the celebration surrounding Cooper turning eighteen, it was harder to accept.

He glanced at his mother, her downturned lips and avoidance of eye contact, and then at his father, with a superior glint in his eyes that incensed Blaine. It wasn't like they didn't know what day it was. They weren't  _that_  stupid.

"I'm not going to work with you," he said, his voice steady and calm and neutral as he folded his knife and fork together on his plate before squeezing his hands together beneath the table. He wouldn't let them see how the traces of nerves made his fingers tremble.

"Excuse me?"

He looked at his father, at the narrowing of his eyes, and swallowed around the lump that was forming in his throat. It was his birthday. He deserved to be acknowledged and loved.

He steeled his resolve.

"I'm not going to work with you," he repeated, refusing to cower under the rage that was turning his father's face an unnatural shade of puce. He'd rather join Sebastian, rather collect rubbish with his bare hands, than work in a music store where he was demeaned for who he was or who he loved or be ignored or treated with indifference.  _Anything_ was preferable to the music store.

"Blaine," his mother said, a shaky plea of his name that did little to allay his feelings. He didn't even look at her, too trapped by the storm gathering strength in the cold depths of his father's blue eyes.

"I won't work with you and be treated like a-"

"Like  _what_?" his father bellowed and it was so sudden that Cynthia Anderson dropped a piece of cutlery. It clattered to the table and then onto the floor, a harsh sound that echoed in Blaine's head alongside the rapid tattoo of his heartbeat and the ragged drag of breath into his lungs. "Like the filthy, untrustworthy thing that you are? We told you not to see that boy and yet you continue to do so and it-"

"So this  _is_  about Sebastian?" he interrupted, his chair toppling to the ground with the speed and force with which he stood. The  _bang_  as it connected with the floor made his mother flinch out of the corner of his eyes. "This is about the fact that someone makes me happy and it just so happens that it's a  _he_?"

"Don't you speak to me that way," Todd Anderson said, stretching to his feet and using his height to intimidate Blaine. It was clear Cooper's genes were heavily influenced by their father whereas Blaine was more like his mother. Perhaps that was why Cooper was the favourite child.

"I'm allowed to speak," he said, squaring his shoulders and his jaw as his anger turned to determination. He wasn't going to be silenced. Not anymore. "I  _exist_. You can't even-"

A slap echoed throughout the room and it took a couple of seconds before Blaine realised his cheek was stinging. The taste of copper was filling his mouth, the bitter and metallic taste making him struggle not to gag. He looked at the wall rather than his father as he fought to swallow the blood, wincing at the foul taste sliding down his throat. After a couple of calming breaths, he turned back to the man that didn't even look ashamed or horrified at his actions. Somehow that stung more than his face. Blaine couldn't even recognise him as a member of the family anymore.

"I won't work for you," he said again, his jaw not working properly but the words as firm and sharp as he could manage. He could feel his resolve faltering, his anger crumbling towards fear and hurt. He turned and left the dining room with certain, steady steps and walked upstairs to his room. Once he was safely inside, he shut and locked the door and slumped to the floor.

There was a trickle of warmth down his chin as he sat there, collecting his thoughts and attempting to slow his heart. He presumed the blow must have split his lip or maybe he'd bitten his tongue because it ached against the floor of his mouth. He suspected his cheek would bruise but he would wear it like a badge of honour whenever he faced Todd Anderson in the next few days, a multi-coloured sign that he'd stood up for himself to a man that had been trying to crush him for years. He knew it hadn't always been like this. He knew his mother hadn't always jumped at every loud noise or avoided eye contact. It had been… It had changed after Cooper left, Blaine realised. He wasn't sure why.

As he sat on the floor of his room, listening to the distorted yelling of Todd Anderson downstairs, he wondered if the man would feel apologetic after his apoplectic rage had worn off. He wondered if the man would try to talk to him, reason with him, compromise with him. He wondered if his mother would offer an apology for her husband's actions before pleading with Blaine to reconsider his decision. He wondered if she would bring him any ice wrapped in a towel like she had when he'd broken his wrist in an attempt to reduce the swelling.

He knew though, with every fibre of his being, that he wouldn't change his mind. Tears began to spill down his cheeks as he accepted that any wound on his face would heal, any bruise would fade, but the abyss he'd skirted for years since coming out had expanded after his parents became aware of Sebastian's presence in his life. He'd thought, hoped, his mother had accepted it when she'd first met Sebastian but her changing behaviour suggested she'd fallen into line with his father. There was no bridge he could build for the distance between them anymore.

Pain radiated in his chest, an agonising hurt brought on by his breaking heart and burning lungs. His attempts to suppress the sobs made it feel like he was slowly suffocating on an injury that went right through to his core. He wouldn't work in the music store. He wouldn't work for Todd Anderson.

He might have to work as a garbage collector but any job the Government gave him would be better than working for the man downstairs.

* * *

Blaine almost decided not to go to school when he saw his reflection in the mirror the next morning. His left cheek had turned a deep purple, the bruise extending from his temple to halfway down his jaw, spreading inwards across his cheekbone. His bottom lip was swollen around the split to his flesh and making it incredibly painful to brush his teeth. Dark circles ringed his eyes, evidencing his minimal sleep as he'd tossed and turned and sobbed for things he hadn't even realised he'd lost. He kept coming back to the knowledge that his feelings for Sebastian weren't illegal but the disgust for their relationship was so entrenched in Todd Anderson's beliefs, maybe from Before, maybe from somewhere else, that Blaine couldn't be accepted within his own home.

And it  _hurt_.

He almost decided not to go to school, preferring the idea of swaddling himself in layers of blankets and hiding from the world, but he had a feeling that any non-attendance would cause Sebastian to start fretting. The last thing Blaine needed was the other boy to show up on his doorstep.

He felt like a robot as he dressed himself, his thoughts disconnected from his actions, his exhaustion drowning out the emotions he'd squashed into a box. He wished he could contact Rachel and ask her to come over so she could conceal the mark on his face before he had to leave the house. He wasn't…embarrassed by the mark and would tip his head proudly in front of Todd but he knew people at school would be unable to conceal their stares as their brains offered a variety of explanations for what might have happened. He knew no one would ask except his closest friends but he didn't think he could tell them the truth. Would they believe he'd been clumsy and fallen down the stairs? Or had a nightmare and fallen off the bed? Or trodden on a patch of soap and slipped in the shower?

The various options he had for lying circled his head during the walk to school, bites of toast dry on his tongue because it was the only thing he had grabbed in his haste to avoid seeing either of his parents. He began to think of an elaborate story, of his foot skidding on a patch of shampoo when he'd rinsed the gel from his hair last night. His hands had flailed for something to grab onto but had only found smooth glass surfaces. It meant he'd had nowhere to go except the tiled floor. On his descent, his cheek had caught a tap and the fright of falling over had made him bite his lip. He was fine, perfectly okay except a little banged up to his face, but he would laugh it off and say he really ought to be more careful. His birthday wasn't any reason to be more excited, more ridiculous, during his nightly shower rituals and he'd take more precautions next time.

The lie pooled on his tongue like acid as he began trying to make it more realistic. He started to wonder if this was what Cooper did, turning simple stories into intricate lies with ridiculous embellishments. He wondered what Cooper would say if he knew had happened. Would he blame Blaine, saying he should have known what to expect from a man with such a short temper about an issue he wasn't naïve enough to think didn't exist, or would he blame their father, a man who never should have raised a hand to his own child?

It was difficult to believe Blaine was covering for a man that had once taught him the colours of the rainbow and protected him when he'd gone to the library. He was covering for a man that contributed to his DNA and housed him for eighteen years, a man he would have to live with for the next three years. That thought was almost unbearable. He could request a job from the Government in a new town but that would take him away from Sebastian. He was covering for a man but…he wasn't sure if it was for the right reasons.

"Hey." A hand touched his upper arm and he startled, his autopilot routine of trudging to school making him unaware of his arrival at the school gates until Sebastian's voice and touch had appeared out of nowhere. "How was…"

Sebastian's words faded away when Blaine raised his head, the words he'd rehearsed sticking in his throat because he couldn't lie. Not to Sebastian. His eyes burned with new tears and a brief surge of annoyance flooded his veins. He wasn't going to start crying at the school gates in front of Sebastian. He thought he'd run out of tears hours ago.

"What the  _fuck_?" Sebastian whispered, his fingertips as light as a butterfly's wings when they traced over Blaine's swollen cheek. The nail of his thumb scraped beneath Blaine's lip, gauging the split, and his eyes kept scanning over Blaine's expression like he'd betray more injuries and fall to pieces at the entrance to the school. The story he'd developed fragmented under the fire in Sebastian's expression, the care in his touch and the worry knitting his brow together making Blaine crumble.

"I…fell," he said, the words squeezed from his throat even as his heart pounded in his chest. Sebastian stared at him, his lips pressing into a thin line, and Blaine knew he wasn't fooled. He waited to be called out on it, waited for Sebastian to…to  _do_  something like shake him or yell at him.

Instead, Sebastian's arms folded around Blaine's body, tugging him into a hug that threatened to unspool the tenuous threads Blaine was using to hold his emotional suppression system together.

"Bullshit," Sebastian muttered, kissing the top of his head and cradling the back of his neck, "but I won't push. If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to."

Blaine nodded, knowing he wasn't off the hook but grateful that he wasn't being forced into a corner where he had to betray the secrets of his family. His fingers bunched into Sebastian's blazer, his right cheek pressing against Sebastian's chest, and he inhaled the familiar scent of Sebastian's cologne that soothed his rattled heart. Sebastian held him close, his thumb smoothing circles into Blaine's neck and unknotting some of the tension that had been there all night. When the urge to cry had passed, he let his hands fall away from Sebastian and stepped back.

He could still hear Sebastian's breathing, the calm control to his inhalations and exhalations that suggested he wasn't calm at all, and it made him unwilling to meet Sebastian's eyes. The desire to trust Sebastian, to have the other boy take away the hurt and fear that thrummed deep inside him, was something he had to contain. He couldn't afford to spill too much.

Another kiss was pressed to his forehead before Sebastian's fingers slipped between his own, coaxing him into the taller boy's side. With a subtle sniff, he remembered why he always felt safe in Sebastian's presence.

He stayed huddled beneath Sebastian's arm as they crossed the quadrangle and met with Rachel and Nick. He knew the moment that his friends looked up and saw him. Rachel's gasp and the clatter of Nick's pencil against his sketchbook was a dead giveaway.

"He fell," Sebastian supplied, his flat voice revealing how dubious he was of the story. Blaine wondered whether Sebastian would have believed him if he'd told the story he'd rehearsed in his head. He stayed quiet though, grateful Sebastian had spoken for him because it spared him the need to speak, to explain, to lie to friends. Sebastian's thumb brushed against his knuckles, as if he knew what Blaine was thinking, and he squeezed Sebastian's hand in response.

Rachel recovered first, clambering to her feet and hauling her bag over her shoulder. "Come with me," she said, her fingers wrapping around his wrist and tugging him away from Sebastian. He sent a panicked look at the other boy who blew him a kiss, which wasn't nearly as comforting as he needed it to be. "I'm not going to kill you.  _God_ , Blaine."

Guilt was splashed across the look he gave Rachel as she dragged him into the nearest girl's bathroom. She peeked under each cubicle before locking the door and pulling her bag from her shoulders.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she said as she unzipped the front pocket and removed a pink case with gold stars.

He shrugged, watching her withdraw a tube of flesh-coloured cream and twist the cap off. He was glad that, without a word, she'd known he'd want the injury covered. After years of awkwardness and silence in their friendship, Sebastian had made her come out of her shell. She was protective and defensive, more determined to go toe-to-toe with Sebastian and engage in conversation with Nick and Blaine.

"A difference of opinion," he conceded when she continued to stare at him expectantly. Barely mollified, she approached him with an outstretched index finger. He closed his left eye when she began dabbing some of the cream against his cheek. He couldn't help the wince and she significantly lightened her touch.

"It wasn't Sebastian, right? I don't need to break his hand?"

He managed a weak smile as he recalled Sebastian once saying he needed his right hand more than his left. As upset as he was, a small rush of heat filled his cheeks and he shut his other eye, trusting Rachel not to hurt him further while she continued to skim her fingertip against the bruising. "It wasn't him but it was partly about him."

Rachel sighed and he was glad he didn't have to see her disappointed face. He knew his obtuse answers wouldn't appease her curiosity and concern. "You know if you need somewhere to stay, my dads would be happy to have you."

He opened his eyes in surprise. Rachel looked away and withdrew her finger, turning to rummage around in her case for a small square box. He was good enough at avoidance tactics to see what she was doing and didn't pressure her to look back at him. "I wouldn't want to impose," he mumbled, training his eyes on the floor.

"Blaine." He could hear in her tone that she'd rolled her eyes. A square plastic container was cracked open and he saw her fingers from the corner of his eyes discard a circular pad to the sink beside them. "You're my oldest friend. I know I wasn't sure about Sebastian and you at first because…because he was new and that was scary but he's…he's okay and I don't like seeing you hurt." There was a bit more rummaging in her case before she gave a triumphant huff. "And you know if my dads found out about this, they wouldn't like you staying there either."

The tickle of a brush swept across his cheek. His eyes slowly rose to see the furrow of concentration between her brows as she made light pats and long, smooth strokes along the length of the bruise. He realised he wasn't sure what to say to her offer, overwhelmed by the unexpected generosity. Maybe he'd been too harsh on her all these years. Maybe she trusted him more than he'd trusted her.

"Thank you," he said, the weight of his gratitude obvious when she gave a small nod and flourished the brush on his opposite cheekbone.

"You don't look quite so much like you went nine rounds with an angry gorilla now," she said, packing the cosmetics into her case and giving him a final once over. "Don't stay there if it's putting you in danger, okay?"

He nodded, knowing that if it got hopelessly out of hand he – or Sebastian – would do something to get him out. He turned to gauge himself in the mirror, impressed by the reduced intensity of the bruise. He knew where the edges were and he was sure they were dark enough to still be visible, but it was nowhere as severe and he didn't think it would draw nearly as many stares at school now.

He followed Rachel from the bathroom and found Sebastian a couple of corridors away, his head partially hidden by the door of his metal locker as he stowed some books.

"Hi," he said, earning Sebastian's attention. Brunette eyebrows rose above worried green eyes as he examined Blaine's face.

"Impressive," Sebastian commented, shutting his locker and leaning against the metal. "Rachel should go into makeup artistry."

A small smile crept onto his face, his hand reaching for Sebastian's. How did Sebastian know what to say which diffused the tension and didn't challenge him to lie further? This boy would never cease to amaze him.

"Don't let her hear you say that. She wants to be on camera, not behind it."

"Fair enough." Sebastian said with a gentle grin, twining their fingers together when the bell went. "Shall we?"

Blaine sighed and nodded, supposing he had no choice but to attend class when he'd rather just find somewhere warm and safe to hide in for the day. He allowed Sebastian to guide him towards Math, grateful for his support.

* * *

_**~TBC~** _


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

* * *

Blaine kept his distance from his parents that night. Rather than sit at the table, he took a plate of food to his room and packed a bag for the sleepover the following night. He almost packed a few extra articles of clothing, the offer Rachel had made playing on his mind, but he couldn't envisage running away because of the one time Todd Anderson had lost his temper. He knew everything would quieten and settle and his parents would return to treating him with disinterest. Using Rachel's house as a refuge would raise eyebrows in the community. It would make people start whispering about him and those whispers could gain volume until someone was screaming with an Officer to let go after a Report had been made. He couldn't bear the thought that leaving his home could put him or the man who was meant to be his father in danger. He knew there was limited tolerance for violence in their society and that punishment was swift and permanent. It rattled him awake every Wednesday morning, after all.

On Friday, his cheek was just as bruised as the previous morning. Rachel swept him into an empty girl's bathroom to add some makeup magic to his face again. Sebastian kept him close at break times, shielding him from wayward stares and the pressure to engage with Rachel and Nick's conversations. He found himself wondering, with his head resting on Sebastian's shoulder while Rachel retold some story from her Literature class at lunch, whether he'd been slapped for refusing to work at the music store or because he'd challenged Todd with the knowledge that he had a relationship with Sebastian.

It had always seemed a foregone conclusion that he would follow Todd's footsteps but if he were being honest with himself, he'd never been certain that was what he'd wanted. He knew that working at the music store hadn't been his birthright – it had been Cooper's. After Cooper had struck out on his own, the responsibility had fallen to him. He wasn't the first choice. He never had been.

As he mulled over the possibilities, he thought that the slap might have been a result of Todd's disappointment and anger and disgust. Either way, it had turned him into a monster Blaine no longer recognised.

His musings haunted him through his last classes and on his walk to Rachel's house, trailing behind her and Nick as he studied the cracks in the pavement. Sebastian had promised to meet them a little later, claiming he had a few chores for his mother to complete before he was free. Blaine knew Sebastian would already have completed any chores for Adriana but he granted Sebastian the space to do whatever it was he needed because when Sebastian returned, he would bring his bike and that meant a faster return to the Smythe house once the party at Rachel's ended.

LeRoy and Hiram Berry appeared to be at work when the trio arrived at Rachel's house. She led them into the kitchen for cookies from a jar that weren't nearly as delicious as Adriana's before they ventured into the basement. Streamers adorned the ceiling in festive blooms, looping along the cornice of the walls in an array of colours. He vaguely wondered if his friends could name all of them.

"Happy birthday!" Rachel squealed, as if his birthday hadn't been two days ago and she'd hugged him then. Her arms flung around his shoulders, squeezing tight, before dragging him towards a collection of three medium-sized boxes on the coffee table in front of a sagging maroon couch.

He felt embarrassed at the gifts and scuffed his foot across the floor. "Rach…"

"Shush," she said, folding her arms over her chest and jutting out her bottom lip and daring him to disagree further.

He smiled fondly as he took a seat on the couch, reaching for the first box she nudged towards him. Nick folded himself into the armchair, a curious look on his face while Blaine unpicked the tape from the pink wrapping paper. He noted that this rectangular box was flatter than the other two and not very heavy. It had a solid cover though and, with a crow of success, he tossed the paper aside to reveal an album emblazoned with gold star stickers that spelled out ' _BLAINE_ '.

When he opened it, his breath caught in his throat and his eyes snapped to hers.

"My dads managed to conceal a camera through the Purge," she said as if it was no big deal that Blaine held an album filled with photos across the years of their friendship.

The photos of him were obviously taken when he wasn't paying attention, catching his profile or a laugh at a distance. Interspersed were photos of Rachel – aware of a camera from her wide smile – or Nick, Jesse and Cooper who didn't appear to know their images had been captured on an illegal device. Dotting each page were stickers and ribbons, small scrolls of text featuring song lyrics or music staves from songs studied in Music.

Towards the end of the album were a couple of photos of him and Sebastian. It was clear they'd had no idea there was a camera taking secretive shots of them. The way he sat in Sebastian's lap and the happiness in his face betrayed how candid they were around each other.

He wiped at his cheeks, forgetting that one was bruised when a sharp stab of pain made him flinch. He looked at Rachel, her chin raised in defiance but her eyes displaying her pride. What she'd done, what her parents had done, was incredibly dangerous and incredibly rewarding. There was little he could say to express his gratitude.

"Thank you," he whispered, his voice hoarse with how choked up he felt.

She flashed him a grin and hopped over the coffee table, sinking into the couch beside him. "You're not meant to  _cry_ ," she scolded.

" _You're_  not meant to give me emotional gifts," he growled, tickling her for a moment and trying to avoid her flailing arms before she picked up the album and replaced it with a second box in his lap.

The second gift turned out to be some small, old robots that he could add to the collection in his room while the final box was an assortment of decorative bow ties of various colours and patterns. He had no idea when he would get an opportunity to wear them but he was awed by her gifts and the revelation that she knew the things he liked far more than he'd given her credit. He kissed the top of her head when she wrapped her arms around his waist and cuddled into his side, her legs tucking beneath her.

"My turn!" Nick said, reaching for his bag and withdrawing a rectangular object wrapped in matte black paper. There was an unsettling feeling in Blaine's chest, a sort of embarrassment that his friends had been so generous and gotten him so many presents.

As soon as hands clasped Nick's gift, he frowned. He recognised the weight and the dimensions of the shape in his hands.

"Nick?"

"Open it," Nick said with a small jerk of his head, his cheeks unmistakably red as Blaine began to undo the paper.

He wasn't surprised when he found a sketchbook beneath the paper but he was stunned as he opened the pages to find sketches of himself captured over the course of… _years_. There were singular sketches of his eyes and his mouth, the slope of his nose or the curve of his hands. Some sketches were his whole face while others were just a profile. Some sketches stared straight back at him while others looked into the distance, a pensive expression captured by Nick's talent with a pencil. Much like Rachel's album, later sketches included aspects of Sebastian – twined hands where one was dotted with freckles, the smaller curve of his body surrounded by the safety of another, the two of them standing and departing with branches interlocking above them. It was… He hated to say it upstaged Rachel's album but it was breathtaking.

"You're  _amazing_ ," he said, wriggling free of Rachel so he could embrace Nick. Rachel stole the sketchbook to look at while Blaine wrapped his arms around Nick's shoulders, gripping his friend. Awe and disbelief flowed through him, overwhelmed by the beautiful images. "You need to find something to do with this talent of yours," he hushed against Nick's ear.

"Shut up," Nick muttered into his shoulder, patting his back before crushing himself into the arm chair again with a tinted face and eyes that wouldn't meet Blaine's gaze. Blaine wished Nick wasn't so modest and saw the incredible depth to his artistic abilities.

They talked for a while, about vague plans for after school and how scary it was to be approaching the end of their academic lives. Rachel seemed poised to take up a dancing job at her old studio while Nick was looking into working at a childcare centre. Blaine admitted he didn't know what he was going to do after refusing to work with his father. Rachel's fingers left a comforting trail down his forearm as he explained there was nothing his parents could say which would convince him to work at the music shop.

When they ran out of easy topics and strayed into territory ill-befitting an eighteenth birthday celebration, Rachel moved towards the CD player and put on music almost as old as them. Blaine wasn't sure how long it would take for Sebastian to get there when he eyed the drinks Rachel passed around. The label made it clear it was alcohol mixed with juice, probably not enough to get him truly drunk but…he wasn't used to drinking without Sebastian nearby.

His first mouthful was sweet, almost sickly with the excessive amount of sugar, and Blaine knew Nick caught his scrunched nose as he swallowed the liquid. When Rachel asked him how good it was, her body spinning in a circle on the dancefloor, he pasted on a smile and assured her it was great.

He shot Nick a glare when the other boy snorted.

By the time Sebastian showed up, Blaine had finished his first bottle and started his second. His cheeks were warm and his fingertips were tingly and he felt lighter, like a bubble that could float away in the breeze. The mouthfuls of whatever Sebastian had mixed at the parties weren't enough to prepare him for entire bottles containing so much sweetness he could barely taste the alcohol. His limited tolerance was obvious as soon as he got to unsteady feet and stumbled towards Sebastian's outstretched arms.

"I think I need to stop you," Sebastian mused with a wry grin, stealing the bottle from his grasp and taking a sip. He wrinkled his nose and stuck out his tongue after swallowing the mouthful, gagging like a cat with a fur ball. "God, that stuff is  _ghastly_."

Blaine giggled and clung to Sebastian when he was turned him in a slow circle across the room. Everything spun in his head, a dizzying array of colour and light. "I think it numbs your tastebuds after the third swallow. I can't even taste it anymore."

"You don't want to either," Sebastian said, abandoning the bottle on the coffee table and tugging Blaine into his lap on the couch. "I've had some bad stuff before but that's the worst."

Blaine rolled his eyes and looked towards Rachel throwing her head around and jumping to music that wasn't intense enough to warrant that level of carefree gyrating. Nick seemed to be amused from his spot on the arm chair, a sketchbook against his thighs and pencil between his fingers.

"How many has she had?" Blaine asked Nick, who shrugged and took a sip from his own bottle. The other boy looked more capable of handling his alcohol and Blaine thought he might have been the faintest bit jealous.

"I think she has a lower tolerance than you. I didn't even know that was possible."

Blaine scowled, poking Sebastian's stomach when the boy reached out to bump fists with his friend. He knew Rachel would crash at some point, becoming a tangle of limbs on the floor that would be embarrassing to explain to her fathers when it wasn't even six. He didn't want the party to end too early and then he had to wait hours for an appropriate time to leave for Sebastian's house so they could sleep.

Searching for something to do, he pulled Nick's sketchbook and Rachel's album into his lap from the coffee table to show Sebastian. Nick was pink as Sebastian complimented him on his drawing skills although Blaine wasn't sure whether was the effects of the alcohol. The photo album proved more interesting to Sebastian, his eyes wide as he marvelled at the fact there were so many photos across such a span of time when photos had been banned for decades. Blaine tried to recall whatever stories he could to explain the images of him throughout the years. There were times he almost asked if Sebastian had a photo album or portrait sketches which charted his childhood but then Sebastian would point to another photo, ask another question, and he'd miss the opportunity.

LeRoy and Hiram arrived home around seven with pizza and Rachel was barely through her first slice when she fell asleep on the floor. Nick rolled his eyes and propped a pillow beneath her head, skimming his fingers through her hair with a level of tenderness that made Blaine wonder if there'd been more between them than he knew. He knew Nick had felt something years ago but…maybe Blaine hadn't been aware of the depth of those feelings. Maybe it had been more serious when they were fourteen than he thought.

When Nick caved and took the last slice of pizza, Blaine excused himself to take the empty box and plates upstairs. Years of clearing the table in his home had instilled the urge to tidy up and despite Sebastian's protests that it was his birthday and someone else's responsibility, he was more stubborn and won.

He carried the box and plates into the kitchen, dropping the box by the pile of recycling and lowering the plates to the sink with only a mild clatter. It felt good, normal, to clear up but he still jumped when he turned and found LeRoy and Hiram crowded into the doorway of the kitchen.

"Rachel told us about what happened," LeRoy said, glancing at Hiram before stepping forward.

"If something is going on, you know you can stay here," Hiram added, his words an echo of Rachel's as Blaine noticed the hand he pressed low on LeRoy's back.

"You shouldn't feel unsafe or pressured into doing anything you don't want to do either," LeRoy continued and Blaine could feel an impending headache. As much as they meant well, his head was filled with enough conflicting thoughts. With the addition of alcohol, he felt incapable of processing anything.

"I appreciate the offer," he said, belatedly realised he'd interrupted Hiram telling a story about something he hadn't heard the beginning of at all. "I'm okay though. It won't happen again."

Neither father looked convinced but Blaine used their indecision about what to say next to his advantage, making his escape downstairs and cuddling into Sebastian's lap again.

* * *

When Rachel didn't show any signs of stirring, the three of them decided to part ways a little before nine. Nick and Sebastian managed to shield Blaine from LeRoy and Hiram's probing questions and encouraging words to stay with them and it was Nick who successfully redirected their attention to the state of their daughter – passed out on the floor and drooling on one of the cushions. Blaine barely restrained himself from high-fiving Nick as they left the house.

It took a little longer to separate Nick and Sebastian when his friend noticed the motorbike, admiring parts of the vehicle which Blaine had never heard of before. There'd been a time Todd had tried to get Blaine to rebuild a car but it had been a catastrophic failure at improving their father-son relationship. In contrast, Nick was well-versed in mechanics and Blaine wasn't sure where he'd picked up the knowledge. He refrained from asking, secretly glad when his friend said farewell and he and Sebastian could leave.

His bruised cheek rubbed painfully against the helmet, so much so that he almost considered asking Sebastian if he could avoid wearing it. He doubted he'd be successful but it made the journey to Sebastian's house uncomfortable until he was able to peel the helmet from his head.

After unlocking the door, Sebastian held a finger to his lips and tilted his head to one side. Blaine frowned and Sebastian gestured towards the corridor on the right where the doors had been closed the previous visit. He watched Sebastian lay a flat hand against his cheek and shut his eyes and guessed Adriana must be already asleep. He became more conscious of lightening his feet on the stairs, following Sebastian into his room.

"She knows I'm staying over, right?" Blaine asked, his voice hushed as Sebastian eased the door shut with the faintest click.

"Yeah, she knows," Sebastian said as he approached his bedside table and flicked on the light. It cast a warm glow around the space and Blaine began to unbutton his blazer to get more comfortable. "She has lots of trouble sleeping so I don't like waking her."

Blaine empathised with the difficulty sleeping and wondered what haunted Adriana's thoughts. Faint traces of a smile drifted across his face at Sebastian's consideration towards keeping quiet for his mom, lowering his overnight bag to the floor and dropping his blazer on top. Sebastian's arms reached for him and he folded into the embrace, his cheek throbbing dully because the buzz of the alcohol had faded.

"I have a gift for you," Sebastian said, his lips pressing to Blaine's forehead while his fingers tiptoed along Blaine's spine through his shirt, "but I don't know whether to give it to your now or later."

Blaine's automatic reaction was to bite his lip with uncertainty and fought it down. The split was still painful to touch. Sinking his teeth into the flesh would be agonising. "You didn't have to get me anything."

"Of course I did," Sebastian said with a dramatic roll of his eyes and a tone that suggested Blaine had just said the dumbest thing ever. "Although I didn't exactly 'get' it."

His curiosity was piqued by the vague words. Blaine stared expectantly at Sebastian until the other boy turned to hide his pinked cheeks, sliding free of Blaine's grasp to move to his desk. His nails tapped at the wood as he opened the top drawer, his hand concealing the object he withdrew. Blaine frowned as Sebastian approached him, nerves etched into his face and his eyes reflecting a myriad of emotions Blaine couldn't capture fast enough to name.

Sebastian hesitated for a moment before he extended his hand and opened his fingers to reveal the small square wrapped in sky-blue tissue paper. Blaine glanced between it and Sebastian, his heartbeat skipping several beats in its pounding rhythm against his ribcage.

Sebastian's eyes avoided Blaine's as he took the square and removed the paper. Beneath at least three layers was a velvet-wrapped box. Was he still breathing? He knew these sorts of boxes. He knew-

"Go on," Sebastian huffed with impatience and Blaine he cracked the lid, any oxygen he still had within his lungs escaping as he took in the simple silver ring nestled among a satin bed. "It's not what you think."

Sebastian's defensive words made his eyebrows rise. He looked from the ring to Sebastian. "Isn't it?"

Sebastian smiled but it was tinged with sadness. "No." He erased the distance between them and plucked the ring from the box. Hidden beneath the fabric inlay was a silver chain fastened around the ring. "It…was my father's," Sebastian explained, looping the chain around a couple of his fingers which made the ring sway like a hypnotist's pendulum. "When my parents were too young to get officially engaged, they bought themselves rings. Promise rings, I guess. Rings which demonstrated they were committed to each other and when they had the opportunity, they  _would_  get engaged."

It was the first time Blaine could recall Sebastian talking about his father. His attention sharpened in the hopes he could commit every detail of the mention to memory, if only because he might never hear about Sebastian's father again.

"I'm not asking you to marry me, Blaine," Sebastian said, his voice calm and his gaze steady. The fluttering in Blaine's heart cooled a fraction with the words and he knew he was getting confused by the implications of the ring. "I… I want you to have something, something of mine, something of my father's, which you can keep with you all the time. You can wear it beneath your clothes and feel it against your chest to remind you that I… I really care about you and I'm not going to betray you or your trust. You can wear it and remind yourself that even on the darkest of nights, I'll be there for you the next day. I want you to wear it and know that I… I truly want this, I want  _us_ , and I… So I'm not asking you to marry me but this is a…a sign that I'm prepared to wait until we're able to get engaged, that I'm committed to you and that there are plenty of people outside of your own family who love you. By wearing this, it's a…a reminder that I still have those feelings even if I can't be with you at that moment."

Sebastian's words were said in such a rush that Blaine thought he might have missed some of them. The speech had obviously been prepared and meant to bring him to tears because by the time Sebastian was done, he had slick cheeks and a sniffling nose. He didn't know what to say, overwhelmed again by the generosity and kindness of the gift and the ferocity in Sebastian's words that wrapped around him like a warm blanket.

He tipped his head towards Sebastian and tilted his neck, allowing the other boy to unclip the clasp and drape the chain around his neck. The metal was cool on his skin and the weight of the ring settled halfway between the hollow of his throat and his sternum. It was an unfamiliar presence but there were dozens of butterflies in his stomach and an aching love in his heart. Sebastian grasped his right cheek to raise his head, raise his gaze, to meet hopeful green.

"I love you," Sebastian whispered, his thumb smoothing along Blaine's cheekbone, and Blaine could do little more than giggle breathlessly and press his lips to Sebastian's. He hissed in pain at his split lip, trying to find a different way to kiss that didn't hurt so much while Sebastian pulled his shirt from the hem of his pants. His feet tracked backwards until the back of his knees found the edge of the mattress, climbing onto the bed while Sebastian pulled away for a brief moment to flick the light on the wall and reduce the glare of the light overhead significantly.

In a heartbeat, the length of Sebastian's body was back and stretching over Blaine's, his arms bracketed by Blaine's head as they gazed into each other's eyes for long moments. Sebastian's eyes radiated love, the slight quirk to his lips reflecting how happy he was, and Blaine felt powerless to his feelings for the other boy that were as undeniable as spring following winter. The first hints of insecurity brushed the surface, reminding him that he was inexperienced, but Sebastian had such a look of…of  _devotion_  that Blaine also felt empowered.

"I love you too," Blaine murmured but he could tell from Sebastian's expression that he hadn't needed to – it had been written all over his face.

Blaine's hands curled around Sebastian's arms when the other boy's fingers began to pick at the buttons to his shirt, exposing inches of his chest to determined hands. He trembled beneath the fingers circling his nipple and tickling down his stomach, Sebastian shifting to kiss and suck his neck for an  _age_  while his hands pawed at Blaine's chest _._ Then Sebastian moved onto his collarbone, then his teeth grazed a nipple, then his tongue dipped into Blaine's bellybutton. Heat flooded his system when Sebastian's hand cupped his groin and the moan he'd released was cut short by Sebastian's mouth returning to his and then renewed when fingers massaged his erection through layers of clothes. It didn't take long for him to be a panting, writhing mess beneath the other boy, all insecurities and uncertainties forgotten as lust, desire, need coursed through him in devastating waves.

Without speaking, they shifted up the bed and Blaine shed his shirt. He watched Sebastian shrug his shirt over his head, revealing his pale chest with constellations of freckles splattered across the skin. Blaine longed to lick and touch them all, to map and record them with reverence and wonder, except he would have to wait because Sebastian's thumb had flicked open the button on Blaine's pants and his fingers were lowering the zipper. Blaine wanted to watch Sebastian's every move but his limbs felt like jelly, barely supporting him, and his head flopped to the nearest pillow behind him. His hips arched at Sebastian's hand grazing his length with only the cotton of his briefs in the way, a low groan building in his chest that was swept away by Sebastian's tongue pushing into his mouth with talent and precision.

"Seb," he gasped between kisses, his right leg instinctively hooking around the taller male's when Sebastian removed his hand and slotted their hips together. His eyes rolled in his head at the slow grind of their bodies together, his breath shuddering out of him despite the triple-time tattoo of his heart hammering fresh grooves to his ribcage.

"So good," Sebastian agreed against his neck, his back slippery with a thin sheen of sweat already when Blaine clutched at the body above him in search of something solid to hang onto. "You want this?"

Blaine nodded, lost in the urge for  _more_  as he forgot why he'd ever been embarrassed in the first place. One of his hands moved to grasp Sebastian's ass and press their bodies tighter together, pleased by the whine Sebastian made against his collarbone. This was unchartered territory for Blaine, and it was new to do this together, because usually when they found themselves in Sebastian's bed all they'd done was kiss and briefly grope at patches of skin. Sebastian had always been very respectful of Blaine's inexperience and hesitation, drawing away before they got too far with a gentle kiss that made it clear it was okay to stop and wait and cool down.

But this time… This time, Blaine didn't want to stop. He was eighteen, legally an adult now, and craving Sebastian's body against his in a way he hadn't before.

"I want you," he assured, hissing when Sebastian's groin thrust into his own, the drag of fabric against sensitive skin starting to turn painful.

Maybe it was that reaction, or his determination to go further, that made Sebastian take pity on him. He watched the taller male unbutton and unzip his own pants, kicking them free to leave himself in only a pair of black boxer-briefs that left little to Blaine's vivid imagination. His nose crinkled at the betraying flood of heat to his cheeks, the stabs of shyness and nerves almost painful against his flushed skin.

He watched Sebastian trace his fingertips along the dips and curves of Blaine's belly, an appreciative smile on his face that soothed the burst of embarrassment when Sebastian peeled the pants from Blaine's legs and tossed them to the side of the bed. He was almost entirely exposed and his instinctive reaction was to fold his legs together and tuck a pillow against his body. As much as he was receptive to every touch, he still felt the impact of his approaching first time creeping up on him.

Sebastian was watching him, probably aware of the internal battle raging inside his head and his heart and his stomach, and Blaine was going to make some snippy comment except Sebastian's hand cupped him through his underwear. The unexpected touch made his thoughts sizzle into dust and he whimpered, hips twitching when Sebastian's thumb circled the head of his cock.

"Can I taste you?" Sebastian said and Blaine's heart stuttered before restarting again. He nodded, relaxing as much as he could while Sebastian kissed random spots on his torso and peeled the elastic from his waist. He felt the cotton drag down his thighs followed by Sebastian's tongue and was shivering at the cool air that tickled his skin when Sebastian surged forward, his lips closing around the head and his tongue flicking against the tip. It was beyond anything he could have imagined and his moan was loud, too loud, as Sebastian's arm pressed across his stomach and his other hand spread Blaine's legs to make it more comfortable to settle between them.

A high-pitched whine that was embarrassing, unbidden, and uncontrollable burst from his lips when Sebastian bobbed his head the first time. The more kisses he'd exchanged with Sebastian, the more he'd allowed himself to fantasise about this sort of moment. The hand he'd pretended had been Sebastian's while his other had gripped the tiled wall of the shower or the sheets of his bed hadn't been anywhere close to as good as this. This was…intoxicating, enough to make his lungs contract around each breath and his heart expand in his chest like a balloon. His stomach and the muscles of his shoulders grew taut with tension.

He bucked against Sebastian's arm, seeking more, and felt a pang of disappointment when Sebastian pulled away. There was a grin as wide as a Cheshire Cat's smile when he scraped his teeth along the inside of Blaine's trembling thighs before crawling up Blaine's body to kiss the tip of his nose.

"You are so fucking hot," Sebastian said, the husk in his voice and the filth of the curse making Blaine want to cover his face again. Sebastian snorted at whatever his expression had turned into and kissed his forehead. "I'm going to remove my underwear, okay?"

"Okay," Blaine breathed, his eyes falling towards Sebastian propping himself up and watching the pale fingers hooking into the dark fabric to pull them down. His fingers quivered at the exposure of Sebastian's length, long and hard, jutting confidently forward as the underwear was kicked away and they were both finally,  _finally_ , bare.

It was Sebastian's turn to groan as their bodies pressed together, grinding in a slow rhythm that had shivers creeping down Blaine's spine. He held Sebastian against him, operating via instinct as to where his hands should go or how tightly he should wrap his legs around Sebastian's waist. Occasionally Sebastian reached for an ankle to adjust him or grabbed at his hand to squeeze their fingers together. Once, Blaine shyly wriggled his fingers between their bodies to stroke at the firm flesh of Sebastian's cock and, though he knew it was impossible to do anything unpleasant, he wanted to make Sebastian enjoy it as much as he was.

Sebastian gradually stilled, his lack of movement making Blaine squirm and try to twitch his hips upwards.

"You're still sure?" Sebastian said and Blaine simply leaned up to kiss him, as hard and desperate as his cock felt between his legs. His lip protested the action but it was worth it for the amused twinkle in Sebastian's eyes after the kiss. Blaine hoped it was because he'd demonstrated how much he was sure, how much he wanted it.

Sebastian rubbed a hand against Blaine's waist to encourage him into rolling over and he released an excited breath as he flopped onto his stomach. He knew this part, had gleaned enough knowledge over the years, to know he needed to raise his hips. The scratch of the blanket was too uncomfortable to lie against anyway.

Sebastian reached past him, the slide of his skin against Blaine's body making him shudder with want. He listened to the slide of the wooden drawer, the crinkle of foil and plastic being removed before the drawer was shut and a kiss was left on the knob of Blaine's spine.

"I need you to tell me if it hurts or you're uncomfortable or change your mind, alright?" Sebastian murmured into his ear and Blaine nodded, doubtful he was going to change his mind and forcing his hips a little higher in anticipation. He grinned to himself when he heard Sebastian snort.

He heard the click of the cap on the tube, the faint squelch of liquid pouring out, and tried to prepare himself mentally for what he was doing. Unexpected tension invaded his body and he could feel unpleasant chills spreading from his gut when a finger rubbed against the cleft of his ass.

"Take a deep breath and release it slowly for me," Sebastian said and Blaine complied, some of the anxiety to fading from his limbs. Sebastian told him to do it again, and again, and by the fifth deep exhale the anxiety in his stomach had faded into something manageable. That was when Sebastian pressed the first finger in, Blaine's eyebrows twitching at the sensation which was odd but not painful. He felt himself leaning into it as Sebastian began moving his finger, alternating the pace and depth until Blaine was comfortable with another pushing in.

He winced at the brief flash of pain, knowing his muscles cramped for a second or four, until Sebastian kissed his shoulder and reminded him to breathe again. He quickly grew to like the fingers twisting into him, pushing back and releasing soft mewls of pleasure when Sebastian repeatedly touched something particularly good.

With time and patience Sebastian stretched him until he was ready, barely more than a quivering and panting mess of lube and sweat and precome. His fingers were clenched so tight into the pillow beneath his head Blaine wasn't sure he'd ever be able to loosen them again. His cock was half-hard between his legs but he still ached for Sebastian, to feel their bodies fitting together so intimately, and raised his hips higher when he heard the rustle of foil behind him.

"Still sure?" Sebastian asked and he threw a dark glare over his shoulder, earning him a chuckle as Sebastian applied the condom and pinched the tip. "Just remember to keep breathing."

It was easier said than done when he felt the bed dip as Sebastian moved into position. He wasn't sure he'd breathed in several minutes as he listened to Sebastian squirt more lube and a hand pressed into his hip to hold him steady. His breathing was slow but harsh in the silence of the room, every muscle poised in anticipation.

He could feel Sebastian teasing the blunt head against his hole and his shoulders lowered and his ass rose higher, desperation flooding him. He just wanted-

" _Fuck_ ," he hissed when he felt Sebastian finally push in, his hole stretching around the swell as his muscles trembles all over as Sebastian. Sebastian was patient, inching slowly forward, until Blaine could feel the jut of hipbones against the curve of his ass. There was a moment of awkwardness when Sebastian laid his chest to Blaine's back, his hands – sticky with lube – covering Blaine's own but God he felt incredible. His whole body thrummed with the connection, with the exhilaration of an intimacy he'd never shared with another. Pleasure and need and happiness and desire made his eyes burn and he wriggled his hips when Sebastian had been still too long and he needed movement.

The slow, back and forward thrusts lasted for long minutes, allowing him more than enough time to adjust to the unfamiliar sensations. Each push of Sebastian tended to make the tip of his cock dig into the fabric of the blanket and the mattress and it was just enough stimulation to be increasing the blood flow heading south again, making him ache as well as feel dizzy with lust.

Sebastian offered no pace, no rush to orgasm, with this position, keeping him on the edge of demanding more without actually tipping him beyond it. When his shoulders rolled with the need for more travelling through him, Sebastian withdrew and rolled him over, raising his knees and sinking inside again without hesitating. A moan got stuck in his throat as he stared at Sebastian's, at the pinched look of concentration in his dark green eyes and the parting of his ruby-coloured lips when his breath stuttered past them.

"You are… You leave me speechless," Sebastian said, pressing a messy kiss to Blaine's lips as he rocked his hips with shallow movements.

The scent of sex was heavy in the air, spurring his arousal a notch higher. Blaine surrendered the power to give and take pleasure to Sebastian's experience because there was nothing that didn't feel  _amazing_  right now. He let Sebastian twist his body into shapes he didn't know he was flexible enough to make and eventually his legs were spread wide, one calf hooked over Sebastian's shoulder, as the taller boy started pounding into him. Both of them were barely capable of drawing in any satisfactory breaths but it didn't matter as Blaine gripped the back of Sebastian's neck and an arm for support. The bed squeaked as the thrusts increased in strength and speed and though Blaine didn't know what Sebastian looked like when he came, he had a feeling the boy had to be getting close from the way his breathing was shortening and his eyes were clenched shut.

An unexpected hand gripped his cock, jerking him off to the same rhythm as Sebastian's hips. Sebastian's awareness of his own needs and the grip of his hand made Blaine moan, maybe too loud in the silence of the room, maybe low enough not to be heard by Adriana downstairs. He wasn't able to concentrate on the look of Sebastian anymore, arching tighter into Sebastian's body as he came undone. There was a cry of Sebastian's names stitched to his lips which announced his orgasm, streaks of white splattering across his chest. Every muscle tingled but he didn't get enough of a chance to notice because Sebastian was grunting, pushing harder, faster, his eyes squeezed shut.

When a shudder rippled down Sebastian's spine, his breath hitching in suspended silence for several seconds as he surged forward and fell still, Blaine knew from the subsequent trembling limbs that the other boy had just come.

And Blaine was spellbound.

His delight, his happiness, his warmth, his satisfaction was overwhelming. He noticed everything, from the way Sebastian's harsh, skipped breathing slowed against the sweat of his neck to the twitch of his cock when Sebastian slid free. Blaine's thighs quivered beyond his control as Sebastian lowered them to the mattress and a pleased smile played on Sebastian's lips, his eyes clear and adoring as he surveyed Blaine's wrecked state.

"You alright?" Sebastian asked while peeling off the condom, reaching for a handful of tissues from the bedside table to clean himself and then Blaine's stomach. He felt dazed as Sebastian's hand dragged along his skin.

"How is it possible to feel as light as clouds but as heavy as lead?" Blaine said and Sebastian laughed, discarding the soiled tissues to the bedside table and flopping onto the mattress to his left.

"C'mere," Sebastian murmured, sliding an arm beneath Blaine's back and hauling him closer, until his uninjured cheek was against a collarbone dotted with freckles and his hand was settled on the slow rise and fall of Sebastian's belly. Sebastian's head tilted towards him, his breath tickling across Blaine's skin, and he smiled when there was a kiss pressed to his forehead. Fingertips skimmed along his spine, another hand curving around the back of his neck to hold him close. Blaine didn't like using clichés but…it was perfect.

He became aware of Sebastian's fingers tangling around the curls at the nape of his neck and into the chain and adjusted his head so he could look up and see the other boy. Stray strands of hair flopped into his eyes which suggested he felt as calm and content as Blaine. Blaine had never realised just how tense or concerned Sebastian's face was until it had been undone by an orgasm.

"Will your mother…freak out that I have your dad's ring?" he said, his tongue darting out to lick his lower lip instead of biting it and inflicting pain to himself. It already had a dull ache from the kisses he'd shared with Sebastian.

Sebastian looked at him, some of the brightness in his eyes dimming a fraction. If Blaine hadn't noticed the post-orgasmic haze before the slight change, he wouldn't have noticed.

"He gave it to me," Sebastian explained, his fingers freeing the ring from where it had been trapped between Blaine's chest and Sebastian's side, his thumb smoothing around the surface. "It was my gift to give. I didn't need her permission."

Blaine nodded, pressing a kiss to Sebastian's hand and running his index finger through the grooves of his abdomen. He hadn't meant to make Sebastian sad so he tried to inject some humour into the conversation. "I just didn't want her seeing it and thinking I'd raided her jewellery box or something."

A smile flitted across Sebastian's lips but it was small and sad, shades of old demons flickering in his eyes which made Blaine want to rewind the past two minutes and return to the Sebastian who was at ease. "I don't have many of his things," Sebastian said, his words slow, his volume hushed, as he examined the ring. "He always used to say I'd find someone one day that made me realise it was possible to commit to them, that I'd meet someone and everything would just…make sense. He said there were some people you'd go to any length to protect and ensure they were happy, that you'd want them to be the first thing you saw in the morning and the last thing you saw at night. It was just…all this romantic crap that made me roll my eyes a lot when he told me."

Blaine couldn't remember a time he'd heard Sebastian talk about his father – even in vague, whimsical terms. He wondered what was different. He wondered what had changed. He stayed silent, afraid that making any noise would bring Sebastian to an awareness of what he was saying and he'd shut down this part of him again.

"And then I… We transferred and it was so isolating and terrifying and I was starting at a new school on a  _Wednesday_ and…and then there was this boy who approached me and wanted to talk and walk me to class and…" Sebastian shrugged, his expression shifting towards an amused smile. "I guess I knew that anyone who was willing to put his middle finger up at the unspoken social structures was someone I wanted to keep around and get to know."

He realised how wary and insecure Sebastian must have been in the corridor outside Math all those months ago. Somehow that knowledge made him increasingly aware of his nudity, of his naked body pressed into Sebastian's naked body. He knew he was blushing and at the same time there was a pit of excitement in his stomach for more already.

"Anyway, I…" Sebastian shook his head and pressed a kiss to Blaine's hair. "I know we're only young and it could be reckless and too early but I- Everything just makes  _sense_  when I'm with you and I don't want to lose that and then I saw your bruised face yesterday and I was so… I was so scared you'd shatter into pieces thinking you didn't matter or no one would want you." Sebastian's finger stroked beneath his chin, raising his head until their eyes met. Sebastian's honesty shined in his eyes. His heart and soul were truly bared for the first time in their relationship. "You need to know I'm not giving you the ring because of whatever happened on Wednesday night. I'd decided I wanted to give it to you a while ago but…it just encouraged me to do it a bit earlier so you knew when you left here, I still wanted to be with you and…and you can trust me to keep that promise and to keep you safe."

Blaine wanted to reply but the amount of words Sebastian had spoken was rather overwhelming and making it difficult to process a response. He tried to find a place to start, to express his gratitude and his shock at Sebastian's generosity. He even got his mouth to open a few times, his tongue wrapping around words that his brain hadn't articulated into a sentence yet. The last thing he wanted to do was say something stupid or inadequate.

So instead of stumbling his way through a speech that wouldn't be nearly as beautiful as Sebastian's, he leaned towards Sebastian and kissed him soundly, using his tongue to coax a response from the other boy. Hands which weren't his own pressed into his waist, encouraging him on top of the freckled body, and feverish desire quickly unravelled within his bloodstream again. He was grateful at least one of them had some experience in what they were doing because he found it far too easy to get lost in his search for pleasure.

* * *

There were numerous aches in his muscles the next morning when he awoke as the little spoon, the curve of Sebastian's erection nestled against his ass. He tried to stretch whatever limb he could without waking the other boy, his heart fluttering every time Sebastian's cock jostled against his skin and reminded him of what they'd done last night. He didn't know what time they'd fallen asleep nor could he recall why they'd failed to put on any clothes but there was an unexpected appeal in waking naked beside someone whose body was interested.

It was barely five minutes later when Sebastian's breathing shifted and a quiet grunt ruffled Blaine's curls, his hips slotting closer to Blaine's back. It didn't seem to matter how tired he was or how sore his muscles were because Sebastian's lips brushing against his neck and the circling press of his erection was sending Blaine's blood southward. His heart had already started doing that flutter-thump thing like the night before when Sebastian's hands had dug into his skin.

"You make me wanna…"

Sebastian's voice was muffled against his skin, his arm shifting against his waist until his hand curled around where Blaine was half-hard. As his thumb rubbed the tip, Blaine's hips rocked into the motion which also gave more friction against Sebastian. He raised his left leg and draped it over Sebastian's behind him, spreading his ass wider, guiding their bodies closer. The urgency in their rutting shifted when Sebastian emitted a low growl against his neck that made his stomach quiver.

"Don't move," Sebastian said, his voice husky with sleep and arousal as his torso pulled away and Blaine heard fingers against the bedside table behind him. He tried to keep still but his body was urging him into action, small twitches of his hips that he could hear were having an impact on Sebastian's breathing.

The fullness of Sebastian's body returned against him. Fingers slipped between the crack of his ass and without much warning, two fingers pressed inside him. His spine arched, a moan coating his tongue as he rocked against the digits. Gone was the anxiety he'd felt at the start of last night, the fear that his inexperience would be a turn-off or he'd fumble his way through sex and screw everything up. With Sebastian guiding him, he knew he just had to follow the signs his body gave him and do what felt right.

"I'm going to need so many cold showers now that I know what you sound like, what you feel like," Sebastian mumbled into his hair, squeezing in a third finger as Blaine parted his legs to encourage greater depth. He had a feeling he'd never be able to get a good night of sleep again because he'd be too busy dreaming about this, about waking to an erection against him that would leave him waking with an erection that would only fade after he'd jerked himself off.

He heard the crinkle of the foil wrapped being torn open and Sebastian folded Blaine's leg over his own, the head of his cock sliding into Blaine with less resistance than the night before after their multiple rounds. He sank into the embrace of Sebastian's arms securing around him, gasps of pleasure and the faint squeak of the bed filling the silence as their bodies rocked together. It was easier for Sebastian to touch him like this although harder to get a good pace or powerful thrusts that made him whine, but he stayed where he was, allowing Sebastian's fist to work him towards his orgasm.

By the time he was coming undone, shattering apart against Sebastian's body, he was covered in sweat and grossly overheated even though Sebastian had tossed the blanket and sheet from their skin. Every part of his body tingled with pleasure, every nerve sensitive to each sweep of Sebastian's hand or press of his lips to a spot on Blaine's skin. He basked in the feelings as Sebastian thrust as fast and hard as he could, his breathing short puffs of air against Blaine's slick skin until, with one last press forward and a tighter grasp at Blaine's body, he came. His body shook against Blaine's, his teeth digging almost painfully into Blaine's shoulder around the moan he didn't release as loudly as Blaine tended to do.

He was reluctant to break apart even though he felt like his skin was on fire and from how long Sebastian stayed still, clinging to Blaine like a lifeline, he had a feeling the other boy felt the same. He twisted his fingers into the gaps of Sebastian's and held on, their fused bodies uncomfortable but not unbearable.

With butterfly kisses to his neck, Sebastian eventually pulled away and Blaine rolled over to admire the stretch of muscle beneath Sebastian's skin and the line of hickeys that curved along his freckled collarbone. The marks had been left somewhere between round two and three and Blaine felt a burst of pride at how pretty they looked. The embarrassment he'd felt at their nudity last night had worn off as well, replaced by a desire to be naked and in bed with Sebastian all the time. It didn't matter that his muscles protested the idea of sex because he found it difficult to keep his hands to himself and his mouth from meeting Sebastian's over and over and over again.

It was Sebastian's gurgling stomach that broke the mood, even though they were both half-hard and rutting against each other again. It seemed like he wasn't the only one who had an insatiable need to stay close and together because Sebastian pushed him onto his back, hands pinning his wrists above his head as he sucked a mark over Blaine's heart. His tongue swirled over a nipple before he moved lower, capturing Blaine's erection between his lips and digging his tongue between the slit. Blaine was incapable of coherency for the long minutes that Sebastian bobbed his head until he pulled away and sat against Blaine's thighs.

"Dick says sex, stomach says food," Sebastian complained with a mild pout, his thumb pressing into the jut of Blaine's hipbone. "Stomach is winning."

Blaine laughed and raised himself as best as he could, catching Sebastian's lips in a brief kiss. "Food, then."

Sebastian failed to look convinced or appeased but he relented after another kiss to Blaine's mouth, clambering off and approaching his chest of drawers for some clothes. "Wanna shower together?"

Blaine didn't need any time at all to agree to that idea. He still had an erection to take care of.

* * *

The embarrassment he hadn't felt while naked with Sebastian returned full-force after they'd showered – for a very long time because it was even harder to keep his hands off a wet, slippery Sebastian than a sweaty one – and dressed and he realised he would have to face Adriana. Somehow he'd been so distracted by how much he wanted Sebastian that he'd forgotten the mother that had slept downstairs. He liked to think he knew Adriana well but she wasn't stupid enough to not know what could occur when two teenage boys were locked together in a bedroom for twelve hours.

She was also where Sebastian got his teasing nature from.

Oh God. What had he  _done_?

Sebastian's hand brushed against his ass as they descended the stairs. He nearly tripped twice and glared when Sebastian snickered behind him, rushing into the kitchen just to escape the wandering fingers. Adriana sat at the kitchen table with one of the thickest books Blaine had ever seen held between her hands.

"Morning, mom," Sebastian greeted, kissing the top of his mother's hair before pushing Blaine in the direction of the fridge. Blaine was grateful for the cold air that rushed over his face if only to lessen some of the heat in his cheeks.

"Morning boys," Adriana said and when Blaine chanced a peek at her, the look on her face betrayed she knew  _exactly_  what they'd been doing and why they were so ravenous. Blaine's face grew so warm he considered sticking it in the freezer. "Happy birthday for Wednesday, Blaine."

"Thank you," he whispered, using Sebastian as a shield so that his red face didn't have to be seen by Adriana and teased to the point of erupting into flames.

"Have you eaten?" Sebastian asked his mother.

Adriana waved a hand towards her empty coffee cup. "I figured I'd wait for you two to come up for air," she said with a grin and Blaine was pretty sure he was going to choke on something. How was it possible that his father slapped him for his sexuality while Adriana accepted it so easily that she was comfortable making sexually-charged jokes?

Sebastian's hand settled against the small of his back, warm and comforting and familiar. He leaned into it out of habit.

"You might have been waiting all day," Sebastian teased and Blaine was so outraged that he shoved Sebastian away from him. Adriana's tinkling laughter filled the kitchen as Sebastian looped an arm around his waist and dipped him into a kiss.

It was hard not to kiss back, his fingers winding into Sebastian's shirt to hold onto him. He felt so welcomed and accepted in this house. He just thought it would take a while longer to get used to the jokes the mother and son could exchange, like Adriana mentioning to Sebastian he would need to strip his bedding which resulted in Blaine dropping the spatula with a resounding  _clang_.

* * *

_**~TBC~** _


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

* * *

On Monday morning, buoyed by beginning the weekend with such happiness, he dropped the papers which declared him a Government worker into the first mailbox he passed.

His decision had made it uncomfortable to be at home but he wasn't changing his mind. He wasn't going to work with Todd's uncontrollable temper. Witnessing Adriana's acceptance of Sebastian, and the warmth she extended to Blaine, had shown him what it could be like to be a member of a positive family. He reminded himself over and over that his relationship with Sebastian wasn't illegal, that being gay was normal Before and After. He knew LeRoy and Hiram were evidence of that. Working for his father would make him unhappy and he suspected it would reduce him to a fragment of the person he'd become with Sebastian's love. He'd accept whatever slaps were bestowed upon his cheek for such a crime.

After he resumed walking towards school, he tried to pretend the thud of the envelope hitting the bottom of the box hadn't been echoed by an anxious thud of his heartbeat.

* * *

If he'd thought there had been an uneasy tension in the Anderson household prior to his birthday, it was nothing compared to afterwards. Every day that he waited for the mail that would appoint him to a job felt worse than the last. It felt like his parents were trying to add to his distress by ignoring him completely, like they were trying to make him regret his decision or force him into apologising and begging for the job he knew would only be offered if he broke up with Sebastian.

And he was not, under any circumstances, going to break up with Sebastian.

The ring around his neck was an enormous comfort on the nights he ate dinner alone in his room. It was a new normal, one he hated but had to accept. Anything was preferable to the stiffness of eating at the dinner table, the rigidity in an interaction no one wanted. The thought of being there with their attitude was unbearable.

One afternoon when he was sprawled in a sweaty tangle of naked limbs in Sebastian's bed, the other boy had suggested he make an application for emancipation. He'd considered Sebastian's offer while his fingers had traced freckles, the afterglow of Sebastian screwing him into the mattress fading as he considered the words.

Emancipation would place him in new accommodation before the age of twenty-one but to do so meant a lot of paperwork explaining why he had to make such an application. If he admitted to Todd slapping him, if he admitted to the anger he faced because of his sexuality, then it could be forwarded to the Office of the Sheriff. One or both of his parents could be Reported and punished.

The thought of that was just as unbearable.

Three weeks after submitting his application, almost four weeks after his birthday, he collected the mail and began sorting it as he walked up to the house. He got to the last letter and the rest tumbled to the ground, a flurry of papers that ceased to matter. There was a high-pitched ringing in his ears.

His name, in precise print, was stamped across the front of the last envelope.

On the top left corner was 'Office of the Sherriff'.

He started running, the array of mail on the path abandoned as his legs carried him down the street. He knew where Sebastian's house was and there was no way he could open that letter without him. Everyone knew what that Office meant. Everyone knew they only had 48 hours from the day the letter arrived to- to-

His lungs were bursting by the time he hammered his hands against the front door of Sebastian's house, his legs like jelly after the run of his life, his face streaked with panicked tears. He pounded against the wood again and again, nearly collapsing into Adriana's startled arms when she opened the door.

"Blaine?" She cradled him with more maternal warmth than he could remember in years but he was too cold to notice, lost in terror to focus on that right now. It appeared she noticed his incoherence and switched tack. "Sebastian!"

"What o-  _Blaine_?" Feet thumped down the stairs, familiar cologne enveloping him when a pair of arms stronger than Adriana's pulled him away. His face pressed into a broad chest that was safe. Safe.

_Safe_.

Except  _nothing_  was safe. Everything was- Everything-

"Hey, hey, hey." Sebastian rubbed circles into his neck when his breath began seizing again, shushing him while Adriana kept a hand on the small of Blaine's back. "Breathe, Blaine. Come on.  _Breathe_."

He shook his head, freeing himself enough to shove the letter against his chest. Sebastian frowned, already reaching to grasp him, but Blaine shrank away and Sebastian's fingers caught the letter.

His cheeks drained of any colour when he saw the front, his worried eyes turning flat and distant.

"I- I c-can't-" he stammered, his heart threatening to explode in his chest when he was so far past the point of hyperventilating. Sebastian handed the letter to his mother and folded Blaine into his arms with renewed determination, squashing any fight Blaine might have had left.

"It's okay," Sebastian said, his voice wavering as he pressed kisses to Blaine's hair. "It's okay. I love you."

He heard the tear of the envelope and his heart stopped while Adriana read over the paper. He didn't dare to breathe, didn't dare to look, didn't dare to think, didn't dare to-

"It- It's not- You haven't been Reported, Blaine," Adriana said, her voice as unsteady as his emotions. He peered out from Sebastian's arms with uncertainty flickering beneath the fear. Why else would-

"No." Sebastian burst out, his arms tightening around Blaine. His head shook against Blaine's hair and Blaine noticed Adriana's shaking hands from the paper fluttering in her grip. " _No_."

Sebastian's panic made him even more confused. "What-?"

"You've been Shortlisted," Adriana said, her lower lip trembling. Against his temple, Sebastian kept chanting "No, no, no" and pressing kisses into his hair. He thought he felt the damp brush of tears against his skin.

He looked at her, his heart stuttering to life again. What was going on? Why was Sebastian so distraught? Wasn't it a good thing he hadn't been Reported? He wasn't going to die and-

"I don't und-?"

"It's… It's a notice that you will be interviewed for the position of the town's next executioner," Adriana said, covering her mouth moments after the sob passed her lips and turning away, the white paper swirling to the ground.

Her words made his world turn black and he slumped into Sebastian's arms.

* * *

He didn't return home that night nor did he go to school the next day.

Once he stirred in Sebastian's arms on the couch, he spent every minute cradled in Sebastian's lap. He felt like a small toddler that didn't understand why his parents were so sad because as scared as he was, he knew there was something else going on around him. He knew there were no guarantees he would be Selected because other people got Shortlisted, right? Other people received these sorts of letters and multiple people were interviewed for that…job.

_Right_?

But there was something else going on because he hadn't been able to get anything coherent out of Sebastian or Adriana last night. Through his own distress, he'd realised they were both too distraught to speak. It had been  _Sebastian_  who had cried himself to sleep and left Blaine wide awake and staring at the opposite wall, his brow furrowed in confusion as he tried to reassure himself and understand what was going on. He watched the shadows leer towards him before retreating at the first golden fingertips of the sun encroaching into the room. His eyes were sore and itchy but his mind churned over the letter's revelation.

He knew what it meant to be the town's executioner. He'd heard the gunfire on a Wednesday morning every Wednesday morning since he'd been born. What he couldn't comprehend was becoming…that. He couldn't understand that the person who pulled the trigger, who took people's lives because they had been Reported, was an ordinary person just like him who had been Shortlisted and Selected.

But what if he was interviewed and deemed unsuitable? It was logical that someone else would get it. Then Sebastian and Adriana's hysteria would be for nothing and he'd get issued with a normal job just like Sebastian.

As logical as it felt, it didn't seem so easy to believe. The fear in Adriana's eye and the denial on Sebastian's tongue last night indicated something else was going on, something he didn't understand, but needed to if he was going to figure out how to move forward.

He extricated himself from Sebastian's arms and padded downstairs, the house so silent that all he could hear was the beating of his heart. Sebastian's sweatpants were a few sizes too large and dragged along the tiled floor as he approached the kitchen.

Adriana sat with a mug of coffee held between her hands. Her head was bowed in what almost looked to be a prayer.

"Take a seat, Blaine," she said without looking up. Her voice was quiet but it shattered the stillness of the morning, his anxiety unravelling again. He pulled a chair out, wincing at the harsh scraping noise, and sat beside her with his hands folded against the table. Adriana raised her head, her eye dragging over his face and down, an eyebrow rising as she took in- "Seb gave you his ring," she observed, pressing her lips together into a line that, if she was anything like Sebastian, meant she was swallowing down the urge to cry. "When?"

He glanced at the ring that dangled free of the t-shirt he'd worn the night before, surprised she hadn't noticed it at some other point in the past month. His fingers wrapped around the ring, using it to anchor himself against the raging storm of emotion within him. "The night I stayed over. After the party at Rachel's before we…" He made a gesture with his hand and blushed.

Adriana understood immediately, unwinding her left hand from the mug to grasp Blaine's. He noticed the glittering diamond embedded in her wedding ring. "Does he talk about his father much?"

"Explaining the ring is…is the only time he's talked about him," Blaine said, starting to feel like he was going to throw up soon if he didn't start getting some answers.

"Marcus was…a wonderful man. A wonderful husband and father," Adriana said and Blaine didn't miss that the reference was in past tense. It did nothing to reduce his nausea although at least he had a  _name_  for Sebastian's father. "Sebastian looks a lot like him, when I first met Marcus and we were teenagers. The same cheeky glint in his eyes, the same tilt to his smile. That was the ring Marcus bought for himself as a pair to the one he gave me, as a promise of a life we would spend together."

The ring was gaining weight, transforming into something more like a millstone dragging him down, down into the depths of uncertainty and anxiety and despair.

"Marcus was Shortlisted," Adriana said, changing the topic so quick that he had to shake his head a little as fragmented pieces came together with a snap. The conversation went from something almost whimsical to a startling level of clarity. "It was a little less than three years ago when the manager of the business he'd been working for died. He was forced to apply to the Government for a new one and almost a month later, he received his letter."

Blaine knew what had happened. Sebastian's evasiveness when it came to talking about his father coupled with his determination to never Report Blaine made sense. He swallowed the bile that was rising into his throat but sought confirmation anyway. "He…got the job, didn't he?"

Adriana nodded, a tear spilling down her cheek. Her ability to cry made the folds of scarred skin over the damaged side of her face more pronounced. "He was never the same after the interview. Seb and I… We watched him change. We knew it would be bad after he was Selected but that first week… He came back and he was a shell of the person I'd loved for decades. He was a shattered man who no longer smiled. He was barely capable of talking."

The shadowy figure he'd constructed of Sebastian's father over the past months began to be stitched with details that gave him colour. He'd guessed Sebastian's father had died, maybe because he'd had been Reported, and it explained why Sebastian was so firm in his resolve.

But he  _never_  could have expected Sebastian's father was the person who administered the punishments.

"Do you know how the executioner's system operates?" Adriana said and when Blaine shook his head, her breath was a faint exhale on her lips. "There's a quota, of bodies or time. No one is told the exact number. I heard stories of people who had to kill ten people while others had a thousand. Some people were given six months and others had six weeks. The unpredictability is so that the Selected, and their families, don't know when…when it will end."

His stomach had shrivelled into nothing at her words and he wasn't sure he'd be able to eat properly again. Adriana's breathing was slow, a deliberate attempt to conceal her pain as she explained a side to their world that Blaine had never wanted to hear.

"When you reach your quota, whichever comes first, you… You're given a week to get your affairs in order with your family and whatever friends you have, and then the role passes to someone else who…takes your life the next Wednesday."

He could no longer contain the bile that surged up his throat. His chair clattered to the ground as he raced to the sink, spitting out the sour liquid and gagging around an empty stomach that wanted to expel everything he didn't have. His knees wobbled beneath him and he gripped the counter, his eyes and throat burning when the smell of acid made him heave again.

Hands circled his waist and held him tight, keeping him on his feet. "I've got you," Sebastian murmured, fingers carding through his hair as the tap was turned on to wash away the miniscule amount he'd thrown up. He wasn't even sure where the other boy had come from, or when, or how much he might have heard, but he was grateful for the support that stopped him from collapsing in on himself. "I've got you, Blaine."

And now that Blaine understood, now that he comprehended the reality he was facing which Adriana and Sebastian knew last night, the anxious search for answers gave way to tears that streamed down his cheeks.

* * *

He tried to tell himself that he was Shortlisted but hadn't been chosen but the reassurances were hollow. How many other people were Shortlisted? What was the interview process like? What sort of person were they looking for to become a murderer?

Adriana told him he was young so it was unlikely he'd be Selected. She told to tell him that they wouldn't Select him because he wasn't done with his education and the Government had given Sebastian a commencement date after graduation. She told him that he'd be okay but he could hear in her voice that she wasn't certain of her words. Blaine wondered if the ring around his neck was a curse or this role had always been his destiny.

"I'll take you home whenever you want," Sebastian said, his hands stroking through Blaine's hair as his head lay in Sebastian's lap. He hadn't been able to speak since Sebastian had entered the kitchen and pulled him from the sink, since he'd started trying to process what was happening. He hadn't been Reported but, in almost every way imaginable, it was a thousand times worse. "You can stay here if you want too."

He wasn't sure how much time had passed since Sebastian had scooped him up and carried him to the couch. He'd clung to the taller boy's shirt and been rocked back and forth like a distraught child until he'd settled in a ball with Sebastian's fingers in his hair. He wasn't sure if being held like this was meant to be comforting him or whether it was comforting Sebastian. He wasn't sure if he ever wanted to move again.

Sebastian's fingers wound into his curls, guiding him into sitting up despite the protests of his muscles after he'd been coiled for so long. There were shadows around Sebastian's eyes, an edge to his expression which looked…haunted. It did nothing to comfort Blaine.

"You need all the support you can get," Sebastian said, tracing his index finger over the curve of Blaine's cheekbone that had been bruised a month ago, around the shell of his ear and then down his jaw. "You need to understand that…that some people will want nothing to do with you after this. The stigma of that role is…immense. Not just to you but your family as well. And I-" Sebastian paused, the Adam's apple in his throat bobbing and his gaze breaking from Blaine's as he worked to collect himself. "I meant what I said when I gave you the ring, Blaine. I'll be here, no matter what, but…but if things go…bad for you at home, then you… I  _need_  you to stay here, or with Rachel, or anywhere that's…safe and you won't get hurt, okay? And if that's not in your house then…then fine. Just be  _safe_."

Blaine dipped his head in acknowledgement, getting the gist of a dark, lonely path where his parents would be colder than usual. The despair those thoughts evoked was enough to make him wonder how many people were Shortlisted but didn't even make it to the interview. Did people take their lives when they understood the implications of being Shortlisted?

"Will you…help me explain it to them?" he whispered, the first words he'd spoken in hours. He wasn't sure he could let go of Sebastian without falling to pieces. He wasn't sure he could tell his parents and face Todd's wrath on his own.

Sebastian kissed the gap between his eyebrows, his nose and then left a chaste kiss on his lips that Blaine tried to pretend didn't leave him feeling sour on the inside. "Whatever you need, Blaine."

He could hear the old nickname of 'Killer' hanging in the air and his stomach somersaulted, threatening to make him throw up again. At least Sebastian had agreed to go with him. It was a start. He didn't trust that he could maintain his composure trying to tell them and explaining it wasn't his fault.

He didn't trust himself to be left with them, with Todd, with his fists.

Most of all, he didn't trust himself to be left alone afterwards, when he would escape to his room but not escape this nightmare.

* * *

Adriana offered to accompany them but he wasn't sure how they'd react to her…appearance. He also thought Todd might feel like he was being ganged up on and then he'd turn nasty. Blaine knew it wouldn't matter that two people were teenagers and two were women, because if the man's temper unleashed then… Well, he didn't want to place Adriana in any sort of danger.

He felt more like a monkey than usual as he clung to Sebastian's back on the ride home, the letter burning a hole through his bag and the words imprinting the horrific truth against his skin. He kept wanting to deny its existence, to pretend that the letter hadn't been a notice of being Shortlisted, but he'd seen the Office watermark and knew that there was only one other alternative letter from such an Office and that was far from desirable either.

His fear increased once Sebastian had parked the bike, hanging his helmet from the handlebars before he climbed off and reached for Blaine's. His fingers were deft against the straps, his hands strong as he guided Blaine to his feet and held him close.

"You love me, right?" he said, desperation dripping from his words as his fingers gripped Sebastian's jersey. His gaze met concerned green eyes and instead of responding, Sebastian pressed their lips together. For a few brief moments, he drowned in the kiss rather than the consuming panic he'd been feeling since yesterday afternoon. He held tighter to Sebastian's clothing, almost forgetting they were outside and he couldn't just tear it off, until the kiss ended and the slope of Sebastian's nose dragged against his own.

"More than anything," Sebastian promised, reaching for Blaine's hands and squeezing them between his own while loosening them from the fabric of his clothes.

Blaine wasn't sure he would have approached his house if it hadn't been for Sebastian propelling him forward, leading him up the path to a door that got too close too fast. It was unlocked and the pounding in his heart increased. He forced himself to swallow his swelling nausea and stepped inside. Sebastian stayed close, releasing his hand only to place it on his back.

He found his parents to the left, sitting at the dining table in their usual positions but not a trace of food plates in sight. His mother's hands were beneath the table, her eyes downcast and her shoulders hunched. Todd's hands rested on the table, clenched together so tightly his knuckles were white. Blaine could see his jaw popping as he ground his teeth together. Trepidation surged within him. Something was wrong about this situation.

"Good evening, Mr and Mrs Anderson," Sebastian said and Blaine's stomach flipped at the glare his father levelled at them.

"You dare bring a foreigner into my house?" Todd Anderson said, his words so quiet that Blaine knew he was a ticking bomb and wished he could backpedal out the door. This was wrong, wrong,  _wrong._  "You dare-"

"I mean you no harm, Sir," Sebastian interrupted with a tone obviously trying to placate the man. Blaine tried to ignore the vein he could see beginning to bulge in Todd's temple. "But Blaine has some news and it's imperative you-"

"If you're getting married, I'll-"

"Todd," Blaine's mother breathed, not looking up.

"Well, he can't be  _pregnant_ , Cynthia!" Todd shouted, slamming his fist on the table loud enough to make Blaine shrink and Cynthia flinch. Sebastian inched in front of Blaine, perhaps unconscious, perhaps deliberate, in an attempt to shield him.

"I've been Shortlisted," he said, his words cutting through the tension with only three words. He hadn't accepted what was happening and the cold, flat words sounded like they belonged to someone else.

But they served their purpose, drawing his parents' eyes towards him. He felt Sebastian twitch closer when they saw the dark ring of a bruise around his mother's eye and his heart leapt into his throat, some of the information from the past twenty-four hours slipping away from him.

"I'm- I-"

Cynthia was the first to really react, a noise shuddering past her lips that was somewhere close to a sob. She covered her mouth with her hands and Blaine could see tears welling in her eyes. His father was more… stoic, more impassive. Blaine tilted towards Sebastian's embrace as he withdrew the letter and tossed it towards the dining table.

It fluttered towards the wood, looking so light considering the darkness it contained. Blaine was conscious of the beats of his heart that filled the silence. He could have sworn he heard the ticking of a clock somewhere in the house even though he knew they didn't own one.

"I won't have you living here if you are chosen."

Blaine's head fell with the words and Sebastian's hold tightened to keep him on his feet. It was the worst scenario but the one he and Sebastian knew was most likely.

"Todd-"

"I will not have  _that_  stain this house," Todd said, so firm that Blaine knew there was no argument to make.

"You're staying with me," Sebastian whispered into his ear and Blaine nodded and turned into him, uncaring that his relationship was another thorn in Todd's side. He used Sebastian as a shield from his parents but most of all the man that had been his father.

He wondered if he could use Sebastian as a shield from the future as well.

* * *

The lack of surprise on Adriana's face when they returned with a bag bulging with Blaine's things was like another hammer blow to his already fragmented heart.

* * *

_**~TBC~** _


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

* * *

He woke to the crack of gunfire.

The gunshots the next morning sounded louder than usual and drilled into his head as a reminder of the future he was facing. He'd grown accustomed to the sound despite being woken by it but, laying in the pre-dawn light with Sebastian's arms around his waist, he realised he'd never given much thought to whom it was that pulled the trigger or what happened to them. Perhaps he'd assumed they were members of the Government or the police, maybe trained specialists who were desensitised to the horrors of taking traitor's lives. To recognise that that they were ordinary people, like him, like Sebastian's father, signing up for a job…

The slap to his face a month ago was nothing compared to the subsequent upturn of his life. Part of him wanted to go to school, to act like everything was normal and soak in the comfort of Rachel and Nick's company because he didn't know how long it would last. On the other hand, he knew he wasn't able to concentrate and was terrified of setting foot outside the house in case people already knew he'd been Shortlisted. He tried to rationalise the fear but it was pointless, so consuming that he was left a trembling shell.

Watching Adriana straighten Sebastian's tie and smooth the lapels of his blazer made his heart ache. He knew Sebastian still had to go to school but he didn't want to let him go.

"I'll come straight home," Sebastian promised, kissing Blaine's forehead and stroking his fingers through the wayward curls against his ears. "I love you."

Blaine tried to offer a weak smile but he had a feeling it looked more like a grimace, the emotional house of cards on the verge of crumbling into nothing. He knew the need he felt for Sebastian was a problem, that relying on someone else was dangerous, but with no interest in school and the loss of his parents, he didn't feel stable. He felt like he'd send himself crazy imagining Sebastian's father in this situation and it sickened him with the realisation that he'd already slipped into being a shell of a person, retreating towards the black hole of despair because he didn't have enough to hold onto.

He missed the look exchanged between Sebastian and Adriana, only hearing the door shut when Sebastian left. His eyes were drifting in and out of focus as he stared at his hands, the exhaustion from not sleeping the last couple of nights leaving a bone-deep weariness that threatened to topple him from the chair. Despite Sebastian's arms around him, he hadn't trusted himself to sleep without a scream staining his lips and waking everyone in the street. When his days were a nightmare, what would that make his nights?

"Come with me," Adriana said, rubbing a hand against his shoulder and guiding him to his feet. She led him to Sebastian's room, folding down the rumpled bedding. "You need some rest, Blaine."

He swallowed but his throat was dry. He hadn't been able to eat anything in days either. His stomach couldn't keep it down. "I don't… I'll… The nightmares…"

Adriana gave him a sympathetic smile, encouraging him to lie down on the side of the bed that Blaine had labelled as Sebastian's after their first night sharing it. Sebastian's musky scent was stronger on this side and he found himself drawn to cuddling the pillow bathed in the other boy's smell. Adriana sat on the other side of the bed, her back propped against the headboard, her fingers stroking through his hair like Sebastian's so often did.

"I won't let anyone or anything hurt you, Blaine," she murmured and even if he'd wanted to resist the siren song of sleep, he was powerless to her maternal touches.

* * *

When he stirred awake, the shadows had shifted around the bedroom and the light beyond the curtain was significantly less. He realised he was no longer clutching the pillow. Instead, his arms were wrapped around -

He flung himself backwards and only avoided falling off the bed by a hand on his shoulder. With a start, he met a pair of concerned but amused green eyes.

"Worried you were hugging my mother's leg?" Sebastian said with the smallest of smiles.

He scrunched his nose and lowered himself again, shifting until he found the most comfortable position to snuggle into Sebastian's thigh. "Maybe," he admitted, making Sebastian chuckle as fingers brushed against his hair.

"Would have been awkward if you'd been humping it," a light voice behind him commented and he nearly fell off the bed again.

"Where the  _hell_  did you come from?" he demanded, looking between Sebastian and Rachel, who had folded herself into a plush seat he recognised from downstairs with a book in her lap.

"School, I think. Did we come from school, Sebastian?"

" _Hilarious_ ," he muttered but Sebastian calmed his brewing frustration with his fingers smoothing a line behind Blaine's ear down to his neck. He'd have to figure out if the Smythe hands were infused with a special sort of sorcery.

"It's almost four," Sebastian said, his nails scratching at Blaine's scalp until his eyes fluttered closed. "You've been out all day."

He stretched his legs like a cat, wincing when an ankle popped, and then curled a knee around Sebastian's calf. "I don't feel like I've slept all day."

Sebastian expression betrayed his worry, a look Blaine suspected he would have to get used to seeing. Nothing was going to get better until it was…over, one way or another.

"Blaine?" He tilted his head towards Rachel, half-twisting his back in the process and making his spine pop. She was gnawing at her lower lip while she watched him, her hair swept back into a braid against one shoulder. "Sebastian…told me."

He shut his eyes for a moment, uncertain if he was afraid to see Rachel's reaction or hurt that Sebastian had taken the choice to tell her away from him.

"When I turned up without you, they wanted to know if I'd heard from you," Sebastian explained, smoothing a thumb against the ridge behind Blaine's ear until he opened his eyes. "They thought something might have happened at your place, Blaine. I couldn't… I couldn't lie to them and say I had no idea if you were okay."

He sighed, understanding the predicament, and returned his attention to Rachel. He wasn't sure what he expected to see and he thought her face seemed indecisive in how to react.

"I'm…really sorry," Rachel said with an awkward shrug, not quite making eye contact and causing Blaine's stomach to start churning. "About your parents and stuff. You know if you get sick of Sebastian and his mom, you can stay with me."

He could tell she wasn't 100% okay with it but she was here and making jokes and it was the best possible reaction under the circumstances. Some of his tension faded and he shot her a grateful smile, earning him a tentative one in response.

"Why isn't Nick here?" he ventured.

He noticed the instant Rachel's mouth twisted and her eyes flickered away from him to Sebastian's. He knew something wasn't right and pulled away from his spot against Sebastian's thigh.

"Blaine…" Sebastian said, his face filled with the same pacifying look he'd given Blaine's parents the night before.

"Don't ' _Blaine_ ' me," he snapped at Sebastian, feeling like he was being patronised. He wondered if that's how Todd had felt and that's why he'd exploded. "Where's Nick?"

Sebastian grimaced but it was Rachel who found the words. "He needs some time to…adjust. He knows you weren't responsible for the death of his sister but it's…difficult for him."

He dodged Sebastian's arms to climb off the bed, trying to disguise his shaking hands by wrapping them around his waist. "And it's easy for me? It's easy for me to just…think about taking people's lives? Fathers and daughters and brothers and aunts? That's not  _difficult_?"

"That's not what-"

He shook his head and turned, regret and shame and disgust turning him into an emotional mess again. Were there any reasons, any excuses, any medical exemptions, he could supply which would avoid him getting Selected? He was willing to make anything up if it meant this chapter of his life was over.

His feelings and his thoughts made him panicky and itchy and the walls seemed to be too small, shrinking in on him and making him claustrophobic. Rachel and Sebastian kept looking at him with such mournful expressions, like it was a foregone conclusion that he'd be Selected, and he couldn't stay there, he couldn't see them, he couldn't-

He gave one more mild shake of his head before turning tail and running, thumping down the stairs two at a time and throwing open the front door. He was sprinting down the path and the street without looking where he was going, tripping over gaps in the sidewalk and tree roots as tears blinded him.

"Blaine!" Footsteps thundered after him. "Blaine, for  _God's_  sake-"

He swung at the hand that touched his upper arm, almost smacking Rachel in the face. The only reason she avoided it was her short height and quick reaction, ducking out of the way faster than Sebastian would have done.

Rachel stared at him with her big brown eyes, her lips set in a thin line of concern. "Stop and breathe and listen," she said, reaching for him like he was a spooked animal that needed to be corralled, "because we care about you, Blaine. Seb and me and Nick and Seb's mom. We care so just listen to me."

His eyes drifted above her shoulder to Sebastian standing a few feet away, arms folded across his chest, green eyes shedding silent tears and lower lip gnawed raw between his teeth. The redness of the flesh indicated it was a frequent habit.

"I can't even imagine how terrifying this is for you," Rachel said, winding her fingers around his elbows and drawing his attention back to her unwavering eyes. "Sometimes, when we'll try to explain someone's reaction or how someone feels or offer comfort to you, we'll probably screw up." One side of her mouth raised in a sympathetic smile when she noticed the tears beginning to build in Blaine's eyes. "It doesn't mean we don't care. It doesn't mean that we hate you. Just like you're trying to get used to being Shortlisted, we're trying to get used to how best to help and support you."

The defensiveness he'd felt crumpled and his arms wound around her, clinging to her shirt and hiding his face into her shoulder. She made soft hushing noises as she rubbed her hand against his back. Sebastian's body pressed into him from behind, his chin hooking over Blaine's shoulder and his fingers settling between the gaps in Blaine's hands. He was squished into some sort of cuddle sandwich, all of them barefoot and standing by the side of the road.

There was a sob stuck in his throat, silent tears coursing down his cheeks instead. He didn't know if the sob would always have gotten stuck or if it was the result of his position between the two people he needed now more than anything.

* * *

In the fortnight between receiving his letter and the interviews known as the Shortlist Selection Process, Blaine attempted to return to school and maintain a normal life. It was close to impossible to focus on the teacher's lectures or care about the work he was meant to be completing. What did it matter if he knew complex trigonometry or developed an appreciation for poetry that suggested Before was an undesirable time and lauded the achievements of After? He couldn't grasp the idea that there was a time with greater inequality and violence and uncertainty than now. His attempt at calculating angles of polygons made his thoughts wander towards calculating the angle of a bullet slicing through someone's flesh, factoring in an unknown velocity and trajectory, with the sole intent of killing the person and that role could fall on his shoulders and-

He was lucky he had Sebastian nearby because the boy was his saving grace, helping him calm down with regular hugs and kisses to his forehead, soothing the panic before it unravelled too much within him. If he didn't have Sebastian, he had Rachel. He knew his teachers were bewildered by the changes in his behaviour and his classmates looked at him like he was a freak but he couldn't control it.

Sometimes he fretted that he was relying on Sebastian and Rachel too much, letting them take away the anxiety instead of learning how to cope with it festering beneath his skin. He fretted that Sebastian and Rachel were getting annoyed by his erratic feelings and jumpiness. He fretted that Sebastian was annoyed his parents had abandoned him, because it meant the other boy was woken by the nightmares Blaine had which left a scream coating his lips. His vivid imagination and uncontainable fear were turning him into a wreck before the process had even started.

It was easy to fret when he couldn't tell how Sebastian felt. The other boy had become so quiet he was almost distant with a look in his eyes that suggested he was often far, far away. Blaine knew there was nothing he could do, nothing he could say, which would offer any sort of comfort and take it away. He couldn't imagine how Sebastian felt, seeing his beloved father forced into a role no one would want and changing in front of him before his life was…ended and he had to move towns, only to see history repeat itself with Blaine's Shortlisting.

There was a part of him that felt…surprised, perhaps, that Sebastian hadn't run from him as fast as possible to spare himself the heartache of going through this again. Blaine didn't want to think it, didn't want to voice it, but in the darkness of the night, the little spoon to Sebastian's warm body, he wondered what would happen if he were Selected. His days would be numbered in some capacity. Even if he didn't have an exact figure, there would be a countdown. He would be taking people's lives. How was he meant to cope with that? How was he meant to ask Sebastian to cope with that?

As the interview date approached, Blaine became less interested in food and found it impossible to sleep. Sebastian came home early, complaining of stomach pains or exhaustion, and Blaine watched as the teasing smiles and twinkling eyes became a thing of the past. There was an acute sense of nausea permanently embedded into the lining of his stomach and his tear ducts were always primed for bouts of spontaneous crying when he remembered what he was facing. Was it only a month ago that spending every night in Sebastian's bed would have involved kissing and touching every patch of skin, numerous orgasms that rendered him breathless and his skin covered in sweat? In contrast, his libido been crushed and he sought comfort more than pleasure from the touches they traded beneath the covers in the darkness of the night.

When the Shortlist Selection day arrived, his palms were so sweaty that they may as well have been soaked in water. His fingers shook so violently that he wouldn't be able to hold a pen. His heartbeat was so rapid and unsteady he felt dizzy. His stomach churned so terribly that he was ready to throw up the acid lining at any moment.

Sebastian kissed his temple and nuzzled his curls. Unshed tears left the green eyes shiny and his cheeks were ashen as Blaine removed his hand and walked towards the Office of the Sheriff.

He wasn't ready for this.

He would  _never_  be ready for this.

He knew he had no choice but to face the Shortlist Selection Process alone.

* * *

The Office of the Sheriff was a building only the cruel and heartless individuals who wished to Report someone wanted to enter. Only people who wanted to Report others and subject them to an irreversible fate wanted to come to this Office. Blaine had never wanted to come near it and found it as uninviting as he'd expected. It was cold and blank and sterile, with pale grey walls and a grey floor that lacked scuff marks. White folding chairs along one wall looked brand new but Blaine couldn't imagine they were used often. The Office lacked character and its blandness made it harder to keep putting one foot in front of the other when his instincts told him to turn and  _run_.

A woman sat behind the Plexiglass, dressed in a pale blue uniform with dark blue 'OS' patches on each shoulder.. Wispy blonde hair sprang free of the tight bun knotted at the base of her neck. Looking at her, he wondered why she wasn't in the regular colourless work clothes She had a bored look on her face as she sifted through papers and scratched things with a pen, up until Blaine got close enough and her pale blue eyes, almost grey like the interior of the building, raised to meet his. His shoes felt leaden, making it difficult to move under the weight of her stare.

"Can I help you?" she said, her stare fierce and making Blaine's tongue stick the roof of his mouth. A lump of terror had lodged in his throat. Being here, being acknowledged… Everything was about to become real and he couldn't stop it.

"I-" He tried to clear his throat and rubbed his damp palms against his jeans. "I was…Shortlisted and I-"

The woman's bored look transformed into one of interest, her eyes flickering to life and her lips turning into a smile that added to Blaine's unease. "Shortlist Selection candidate," she nodded, lowering her pen to the papers and casting them aside. Her eyes drifted over him, cool and assessing and leaving him feeling uncomfortable and exposed. "Take a seat."

Blaine would much prefer to have heard there'd been a mistake, a tragic mix-up in paperwork that would be resolved with a smile and a shredding of the letter that had changed his life. Being told to take a seat indicated there wasn't a mistake, that he was  _expected_  and he  _was_  going to be interviewed. He'd tried asking Sebastian and Adriana what to expect from the Selection process but they shrugged helplessly. Marcus had always refused to talk about it.

The woman rose from her seat and walked away, departing through a grey door that offered no hints at the world beyond it. He thought of Sebastian, perhaps still lingering outside, and struggled to stay in the Office. Running away could put him and everyone else in danger but it sounded like such a good idea right now.

One thought struck him as he examined the empty waiting area – where were the other Shortlist candidates?

Minutes ticked by, measured by his erratic heartbeat that sent blood rushing behind his ears. His stomach turned over and over even though he hadn't been able to eat anything in days and hadn't stood a chance at eating this morning. He'd spent most of the night entertaining the thought of avoiding this entire crisis by hurling himself into a river or hanging from a tree. Anything was better than-

A door to his right squeaked and a man in a black suit with a blue tie and dark blue 'OS' patches on his shoulders stood near a wall to Blaine's right. His face was impassive like Todd's, his dark brown eyes scrutinising in their inspection of Blaine. His thin silver hair was similar to the walls. His eyes were so flat they looked like dead, damp wood. Blaine wondered if workers at the Office of the Sheriff were exempt from the colourless work clothes. Perhaps as a Government body, they had different rules.

"Blaine Anderson?" the man prompted, his voice smooth and calm. It sent a small shiver down Blaine's spine. He nodded even though his heart, lungs and stomach threatened to be vomited from his chest. "Follow me."

His feet shuffled forward despite his unwillingness, inching past the door and following the man into a narrow corridor that seemed colder than the main Office. Dim lights cast dark shadows along the walls, making Blaine feel as though he were walking towards a tomb. Out of nowhere, the man opened a door to the left and sharp light flooded the corridor. It blinded Blaine and he was powerless to the hand on his shoulder that propelled him forwards.

It took him some time for his eyes to adjust to the room that was dazzling in the intense whiteness. It was painful and harsh and Blaine turned to ask the man a question only to discover a solid wall behind him. He panicked, rushing at the wall and slapping his hands against the surface. It was smooth and cool, like the glass in a shower before condensation formed.

"Where'd you go?" he said, looking around as if the man would appear. His eyes were already starting to hurt against the glare. "What is this place? Where am I?"

He'd hoped for an answer but hadn't expected one. He wasn't surprised when none came. He squeezed his eyes shut, his fingers snagging on the ring around his neck and inhaled as deeply as he could to calm down. He could get through this, just like Marcus had, and he would return to Sebastian and kiss him until he fell asleep.

His thoughts more ordered, he began searching for a way out or an answer to what this place was. Everything looked the same so he traced the space with a hand against the wall. It was precisely eight steps by eight steps and he guessed it was eight steps high to make it a perfect cube. There was no discernible mark on the walls to suggest a hidden switch that would see him able to get out. There was no indication a door existed. There was no switch to dim the glaring light that was starting to give him a headache.

He faced the wall that had held the door the man had pushed him through. He didn't want to get disorientated in case a door appeared again. It was confusing when each wall was the same as were the floor and ceiling. The white box was just blinding light and nothing else. There were no comforts like a bed or chair, no blanket or pillow to wrap himself in for safety.

Confused, wondering if he was already failing the Selection process by not finding a way out, he slumped to his knees and covered his face with his hands in a vain attempt to shield his eyes and spare his brain from the building migraine.

He wasn't sure how he was meant to cope.

It didn't occur to him that was the point.

* * *

_**~TBC~** _


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

* * *

He'd curled into a ball against the floor at some point. He couldn't escape the light that pierced his retinas from every direction but it didn't stop him from trying to cover his eyes with his arms. He'd been there longer than a few minutes but it was impossible to tell how much time had passed. An hour? Several hours? A day? A few days? Time had ceased to have any meaning when he hadn't slept in days and the white box was so debilitating. The exhaustion led to a state of delirium, mingled with an anxiety that he was trapped in a cage and couldn't get out.

His nails were blunt but he scratched at his eyes, his scalp, his cheeks, in search of a way to get rid of the pain that the light was causing. He'd taken off his shirt and draped it over his eyes but the light penetrated the fabric. There was no escape, no relief, and every time he tried to think about why he was in here, what it was that someone hoped to achieve with this test, his thoughts became unordered. Concentration was hard when there was nothing to concentrate on except the stark white. There was nothing to break up the monotony, nothing to look at, nothing to  _do_  and he didn't  _understand_.

His thoughts meandered in circles. Where was he in relation to the Office? How long had he been there? Why was he in the box? Was Sebastian still outside the Office?

He kept trying to cover his face and his eyes, with his hands or his arm or his shirt, searching for a way to block out the harsh, sterile reality that glared at him from all sides. The pain throbbed in his skull and he curled into the foetal position again, clutching at his knees as his agony rose.

* * *

Blaine was starting to think he would have to gouge out his eyes with his bare hands for any relief when the lights shut off. It was abrupt and frightening and his eyes burned with the afterglow of the light. More than that, he hadn't realised there was an underlying hum to the room until it was gone.

He sat up and groped around for his shirt, pulling it over his head through muscle memory and patting his hand along the ground to check it was still there. The darkness added to the disorientation and even though he kept blinking, even though he squinted, he couldn't see anything. He wasn't sure why he'd tried. He hadn't been able to see anything on the surface of the light-flooded box so why did he expect to see anything when the light was extinguished?

He rubbed the heel of his hands into his eyes and wondered if this was meant to be an opportunity to sleep. Blood pounded in his ears, a loud swishing in his right temple which was almost irritating. There was no other sound except that of his shaky breathing only…only there was something else.

There was a…a whisper in the room, so insignificant he could barely notice it above the swoosh of his heartbeat. He cocked his head to the left, trying to ascertain the location of the sound and what it was. When it wasn't immediately obvious, his eyebrows scrunched together as forced himself to his knees. Inch by inch, sweeping his hand in front of him as he went, he crawled towards the noise. His frown deepened when the pads of his fingers skimmed over something rough. The surface of the box had been glass-like and smooth and he wondered what had transformed it.

He hesitated before moving closer, his hand outstretched as he continued searching and-

His fingers touched a small pile of something soft but grainy. He withdrew his hand in surprise and fear, raising fingertips to his nose to search for a scent. When he found the didn't have one, he rolled it between his fingers. It was sharp and gritty. Was it sand? But why was there sand in the box? Where had it come from?

"Hello?" he said, looking around as if the darkness would shed some light on this bizarre development. "What's going on?"

There were several beats of silence, his heartbeat another level louder in his ears, when something squeaked on the other side of the room. He heard a tiny thump followed by another whisper like the one inches from him. He climbed to his feet and shuffled forward, waving his hands until his palm sliced through something streaming from the ceiling. He cupped his hand and grains – he'd assume it was sand – filled his hand before overflowing and falling to the ground.

He still didn't understand what was going on. He shuffled further forward, knowing the box was only eight steps wide, and found a wall. The solidity of its surface offered some comfort although he had no idea which wall held the door he'd entered through. He also had no idea how to get out, especially now that he couldn't see. Was there a secret panel he'd missed on his first three searches that offered an option to escape? Had the white box been a test and this was another one he had to pass?

There was a series of squeaks and then sand was tumbling on top of him. He yelped and moved closer to the wall, his arms raising above his head and trying to cover his eyes from the grit. He pulled his shirt over his hair in an attempt to shield his mouth and face. The sand rained down on him, skimming over his exposed skin and seeping past the hem of his pants. He could feel the grains gaining height against his feet, the smooth ground now turning slippery beneath him. His breathing picked up as adrenaline pumped through his system. He tried to think about this logically but there was little logic to be had. He was in the dark and something, something falling from the ceiling, was rising quickly and he didn't know how to get away from it.

He flinched when he felt the first tickle against his ankle, when sand began to trickle into his shoes, and he darted forward, trying to get away from the wall only to discover that the sand wasn't falling evenly in the room. There was a small mound in front of him and then a dip next to it, the undulating surface confusing to navigate. Anywhere he stepped he felt the sand falling on his back and he knew it was filling the space. It was almost like-

He realised, with a boom that sounded like a thunderclap shattering his eardrums, that it was like being buried alive.

"Help!" he screamed, struggling to keep his shirt over his head when he wanted to bang on the walls or start digging. "Help me!"

The answer he received was the continuing whisper of the sand. It had turned insidious and sinister and combined with the darkness, he was feeling claustrophobic. He could feel the sand rising, creeping up his ankle to his calf, to his knee, to his thigh. He kept trying to clamber on top of it with his shirt over his head, wondering how high the sand would get, wondering if he'd be crushed against the ceiling, wondering if he'd succumb to exhaustion suffocate on the grains in the dark.

"Help!" he tried again, hopeful that someone,  _somewhere_ , would hear him and have a heart that would make it stop. He screamed at the top of his lungs, an inhumane sound which was more like a terrified animal than anything else. He stopped and waited, listening for any change, listening for any help.

Then the pressure of the sand on his back was heavier and tears he hadn't even realised were building began to stream down his cheeks as panic exploded in his chest. The ground was rising faster and it was difficult to keep the shirt over his head when he had to dig himself out. He couldn't afford to inhale the grains but if he fell to his knees, if he stopped trying to climb above the sand, then he would be swallowed by it. At one point, he raised his arm and felt the tips of his fingers graze the top of the box. He was going to be crushed against it or he was going to drown in the sand beneath him. There was no other choice. He was going to die.

He kept fighting, his muscles protesting when they were so tired. Terror was draining him of energy and sleep deprivation was a factor too. The buzz of adrenaline was still there but the resignation to his fate was making him sag rather than surge. What was the point in fighting anyway? What did he have to survive after this round? What else would they force him to endure?

He thought of Sebastian, of somehow surviving and trying to explain what he'd gone through. Could Sebastian even accept him if he was Selected? Maybe this was the opportunity to die, the time he was  _meant_  to let go and didn't even have to do the hard work. He could escape all the misery that would come with being Selected, avoid the burden of being chosen and the stigma it would smear himself or Sebastian or Adriana or Rachel or Nick or his parents with.

Thinking about Sebastian inspired him to fight. His legs clambered to the top even though his survival instincts were declining. In the back of his mind was a voice that told him he'd eventually die if he was Selected and if he wasn't Selected, then what? In the dark, all future situations seemed dire and made the current panic-inducing state of suffocating by sand in a dark box seem like an unwinnable battle.

He rubbed at his neck when sand skidded down the collar of his shirt and his fingers brushed against the necklace. He forced the voice back into a box of his own. He owed it to Sebastian to keep going.

He knew he was running out of room even without being able to see the approaching ceiling of the box. The grains weren't dispersing as wide because they had less distance to fall. His legs were crushing upwards once he could no longer stand or climb to the top. His heartbeat echoed in his ears along with the whispering sound of the sand falling. His breathing was ragged in his chest, his tongue spitting out sand that got past his lips. Sand clung to his face, sticking to the trails of tears he'd been shedding since the ordeal began.

He reached out a hand, blind and desperate, and his fingers scrabbled against the ceiling surface which was barely the length of his forearm away. He knew he was running out of time and space, sand falling over his face when he could no longer shield it from the constant barrage of tiny grains which-

  

 

 

-suddenly stopped.

 

Art by Sam ([amaradex](http://www.amaradex.tumblr.com))

The white light of the ceiling turned on, bright enough that he flinched but also revealing the inches between his body lying on the waves of sand and the top of the box. The sand had stopped falling but he could feel it on every part of his skin. There was a loud, mechanical screech and he watched in stunned disbelief as the ceiling folded away.

The claustrophobic feeling lessened and he climbed out of the box to escape any possibility of the sand crushing him out of existence again. He found himself in a room that was larger than the box, the walls lined with dark grey metal and lacking any decorative features. To one side was a long, thin metal table with three silver seats on one side and a singular seat on the other. As he approached the table, a metallic clanking sound behind him drew his attention and he watched the ceiling of the box – now part of the floor – seal closed. Any trace of the sand pit he'd just been trapped in was gone, except for the grains still attached to his body. He almost felt like the box had never existed in the first place.

The realisation that he'd gotten out, that he'd survived, finally hit. Relief swept through him and tore away any remaining strength in his legs. His knees gave out as he fell to the floor, a sob muffled by his attempt at biting his lip. He wrapped his arms around his torso trying to pretend they were Sebastian's arms. Tears coursed down his cheeks, congealing more sand to his face. His heart beat in a painful and uncomfortable rhythm against his ribcage, leaving him rubbing at his aching chest. His body trembled with leftover adrenaline and fatigue and he felt cold all over. Even if he'd wanted to stand, he thought his muscles would be too weak to support him.

Although there was relief that he'd survived at least one of the challenges of the Shortlist Selection Process, he feared what else he may have to do.

* * *

Time passed, a few hours perhaps, and Blaine lapsed in and out an uneasy dozing born of pure exhaustion. He found it difficult to close his eyes, the terror of trying to flee the rising sand in the dark box making it difficult to calm down, but he found it difficult to keep them open when they were dry with sleep deprivation and irritated by sand grits that he'd blinked to the point of scratching his corneas. There was also nothing in the room to stimulate his brain, nothing that worked to keep him awake or alert, and the lull in immediate danger kept making his eyes flutter closed, yawns stretching his jaw wide enough to crack.

At some point, he became aware of a prickling sensation at the back of his neck. His strained muscles protested the attempt to push himself into a sitting position but when he did, he startled to full alertness when he saw the three unoccupied chairs were now filled.

The woman from the front counter sat on the left while the silver-haired man in the suit from earlier sat in the middle. A third man, one Blaine wasn't familiar with but guessed to be in his forties, sat on the right. He had hair that wasn't quite brown and wasn't quite blond and wore a suit and tie similar to the silver-haired man. The major difference Blaine could see was that his suit had a silver embroidered stripe above the 'OS' patch on his shoulder. Blaine wondered what it meant. Did he have more power?

Once the silver-haired man realised he was awake – How long had they been sitting there? How had Blaine not heard them enter? – a pale, gnarly hand was extended towards the single chair. Blaine's staggered to his feet and sagged into the chair. It wasn't a comfortable chair. The back was too straight, the material too hard and the height wasn't comfortable for Blaine's legs. He was conscious of it but turned his attention towards the people studying him. Uncertainty crawled down his spine and nestled in his stomach.

"Blaine Anderson, you sit before us as a result of a Government job application. You were subsequently Shortlisted for Selection. Is this information correct?"

Blaine blinked at the silver-haired man's. He also didn't trust the man all after he'd pushed Blaine into the box what felt like weeks ago. He didn't bother trying to find his voice so he nodded.

The man on the right leaned forward with some papers in his hands. His face caught the light and revealed a strange lack of wrinkles. It was like he'd never formed any facial expressions in his life. He didn't even look  _bored_ , he just looked…like nothing had ever affected him. "We will ask you a series of questions and you are to answer honestly. Do you understand?" This man had a voice like the rasp of a monster that haunted a child's nightmares.

A lump of fear was swelling in throat and making it difficult to speak. He nodded again.

The two men exchanged glances and then turned to the woman. Blaine caught her rolling her eyes before she sat straighter and fixed him with an intense look.

"What were your reasons for applying to the Government?" she said.

His eyes lowered to his hands, disguising how much they shook by knotting them together in his lap. He worked the lump in his throat down, focusing on his breathing and the ring tickling against his chest. He could do this. He could answer them.

"I didn't want to work for my father," he said in a voice little more than a whisper. In the silence of the room, it seemed to be amplified and echo around the space. It was the first time he'd referred to Todd as that in months.

"Was there a reason for that?"

He remembered his birthday and refusing to work in the music shop. He remembered the fight and the blow to his face. He remembered the disbelief in Sebastian's voice when he'd first seen it and the determination in Rachel's eyes to cover it up. He released the calmest breath that he could. "We don't always…agree. He doesn't tolerate my sexuality."

"Your sexuality?"

He bit his lip and looked up at the silver-haired man who had asked the question. "I'm gay. He…struggles with that."

"It is not an offence to be gay, Mister Anderson," the woman said, her eyes  _almost_  looking like she cared. The second man scrawled something on the papers in front of him and Blaine tried not to panic that he was unwittingly making a Report.

"I know, but I think for some people it's still hard to accept," he said in his best attempt at being diplomatic. He didn't want to see Todd Reported and killed. Worse, Blaine didn't want to be the one pulling the trigger against his temple.

"Do you have other family?"

He wondered if there was another reason for asking. Was Cooper in danger if Blaine told the truth? How much danger was he placing himself in if he lied? Surely the Government had records of everyone, of their families…

"A brother. Cooper. He works in Los Angeles."

The man with the blond-brown hair wrote something else while the woman folded her hands together on top of the table. The three of them looked so formal, so stiff and strict and removed from emotions. He wondered whether they interviewed people who were Reported to ferret out additional information. They certainly had the whole 'intimidating vibe' going for them.

"Are you still living with your parents?"

He shook his head and looked down again. "My father wasn't supportive of my Shortlisting. I've been living with a…friend."

If his hesitation over the term was obvious, it wasn't questioned. In his head, he knew he could refer to Sebastian as his 'boyfriend' but he wasn't sure he wanted to here. Silence dragged on a beat too long and when he peeked up, the silver-haired man was whispering something to the male beside him.

"Have you ever been in trouble before?"

His eyes drifted to the woman and he shook his head. "I'm still at school but I've never submitted an assignment late or been issued a detention." He thought about Adriana telling him they wouldn't choose him because he was a student. He hoped she was right.

"Have you ever physically hurt someone?" He shook his head. "Considered hurting someone?" He shook his head. "Held a gun?" He shook his head. "Been physically hurt by someone else?"

The catch in his breath was noticed by the silver-haired man. His eyebrows quirked and his eyes widened just enough for Blaine to become conscious of any twitches in his facial expression. He tried to shove emotion down as he could to conceal his thoughts. The pause dragged on a second too long, turning expectant for an answer.

"There were some guys when I was fourteen," he admitted, a part of his life he hadn't even mentioned to Sebastian. He hoped his obvious reluctance discussing it would cover up where his thoughts had gone first: the slap of Todd's hand to his face. "They didn't like that I was gay."

"Did you Report them?"

He levelled his own stare to meet the woman's. "My brother got them some jobs in different towns. He split them up and sent them away."

"So you allowed undesirable people to infiltrate other towns? You decided to disobey the laws of Reporting?"

His heartbeat was increasing. He could feel sweat beading on his palms and across his brow. This wasn't going the way he'd intended it to go. This wasn't what he wanted to discuss. "I was in hospital for two weeks," he said, fighting to keep the anxiety at bay when his breath was becoming so uneven. Why was any of this relevant? "I was unconscious the first few days. It all happened while I was there. I only heard about it afterwards."

The woman was scrutinising him with a look that he worried might turn him into stone.

The blond-brown haired man put down his notes and pushed a button to his left. A small square of floor by Blaine's left foot opened and a screen on a platform extended to his seated height. He was immediately wary of the thing. Just because it was unlikely to bury him alive didn't mean it wasn't dangerous.

"Place your left hand on the screen," the silver-haired man said, his tone betraying his boredom while he twirled a pen between his fingers. Blaine wasn't comforted by the nonchalance but did as he was told. The screen was warm beneath his palm, just large enough to fit all his fingers on the surface. "This device is capable of reading your thoughts and creating a hologram of it for others,  _us_ , to view. It will enable us to get to know you better and ensure you are not lying."

Blaine's eyes widened when he realised the implications of revealing the faces of friends or family to people he'd never trust. He tried to pull his hand away but it was stuck and he panicked, wondering if he'd become trapped in an even more dangerous situation.

"What is your ideal pet?"

He shot a bewildered look at the woman at the same time as a blue beagle appeared in front of the platform. He blinked in surprise, shifting his foot and putting it through the hologram. The beagle didn't flinch, didn't move, but he found it difficult not to stare at the creature.

"What is something you're passionate about?"

The beagle flickered and a piano appeared in its place, music notes hanging in the air around the open lid. It was an odd image considering how little he'd played music since meeting Sebastian but he supposed, deep down, the thought was still true. At least it wasn't Sebastian nak-

"What is a place you find calming?"

Maybe because of the turn his thoughts had taken, patches of Sebastian's non-descript bedroom appeared. He was relieved when it didn't identify Sebastian nor did it identify the house. He only knew it was Sebastian's room from the bookshelf filled with trophies. To anyone that didn't know the place, it could pass as his room.

"Who is someone you miss talking to?"

An image of Nick appeared, his body a ghostly blue as he hunched over a table with a pencil in his hand and a sketchbook in front of him. Blaine watched the boy look up for a moment, a sad smile that was familiar on Wednesdays, and felt a pang in his heart. Cooper could have popped up at that question but Nick's absent friendship since the Shortlisting letter was more accurate.

"What's your favourite season?"

A garden blooming with flowers expanded around his feet and a tree with new leaves and buds stretched above him. A squirrel hopped along the ground, its tiny nose wiggling as it sniffed the air, before it began clambering up the tree. He almost thought he heard a bird chirping but figured that was just his imagination playing tricks on him after so little sleep.

"Who is someone you dislike?"

An image of Todd Anderson flickered to life. The man sat at the dining table with a sneer painted across his mouth. Something about the image made him think it was from the night of his birthday dinner. He turned his eyes away from it, which might have been why he caught the interest that flickered in the blond-brown haired man's eyes.

"What's your favourite memory?"

His mind raced through thoughts and it showed when the blue images kept switching and showing nothing recognisable. There were so  _many_  memories that he wasn't sure how he was meant to focus on only one. What about the first time he'd seen Sebastian enter Mister Matthews Math classroom? Or the time Rachel performed at a school concert when she was thirteen and left the audience in dumbfounded silence? Or the time he helped Nick with an art project when they were ten and were awarded first place? Or the first time Cooper swung him around the airport when he first left for Los Angels? Or the time-

The image that took shape was one that took a moment to recognise. A box as blue as the original was held towards him on a palm he knew as well as his own. The lid was raised to reveal a ring and a tiny smile crept onto his face as the ring was removed and the chain dangled from Sebastian's hand. He shifted in his seat and felt the ring against his chest, reminding him he had a reason to get out of this place alive.

"What are you afraid of?"

The image transformed into something out of his recent nightmares. A gun was held in a trembling hand to the crown of someone's bowed had as they kneeled in front of him. His heart beat faster just staring at it. He couldn't identify the kneeling person but he thought that was the point of his dreams lately – shapeless, faceless people were just as difficult to kill as people he cared about. Faced with the prospect of taking a life, he felt like he'd much rather take his own.

"Who is the person you fear losing most?"

Sebastian's face emerged instantly, his smile brighter than Blaine had seen in weeks and his eyes crinkled with happiness. He couldn't place the moment the hologram had captured but his heart ached to see such a look again.

Then it occurred to him what sort of power that gave the three people opposite him and he tried to reprogram his brain into showing another image. He gritted his teeth together as he stared at the blue hologram, urging it to change. Fear and desperation coursed through. He knew he needed to conceal Sebastian's appearance.

The image distorted and flashed. Sebastian's face warped into Rachel's. She spun on the spot, her hands waving around as she spoke words Blaine couldn't hear. Her eyes glittered with excitement and he thought it might have been the memory of her first telling him about Jesse, or perhaps Finn. The beat of his heart slowed and he relaxed, assuring himself that he had covered Sebastian's image with someone else. It wasn't a lie. He feared losing Rachel too.

Rachel's mirage disappeared and the screen detached from his hand and lowered to the ground. The floor panel slid across it neatly. It occurred to him that there could be other panels in this room which led to scary situations and he struggled to suppress a shudder.

Without a word, the trio behind the table stood. They exited to the right where a door slid open which granted their departure before sliding closed again. If he'd been faster, maybe he could have chased after them. Maybe he could have been eager enough to escape and never return.

Instead, he was left alone with his thoughts again.

He was beginning to understand why Marcus Smythe had never talked about the Shortlist Selection. He didn't know if the man had endured the same process as him but even if different towns implemented different tests, the outcomes were the same. How could he explain the terror of being buried under tons of sand in the dark? How could he remember holographic answers he'd given about his life?

He leaned forward in his seat and snaked his fingers into his hair to grip at the curls. Sand tumbled to the floor as he counted his inhales and exhales in an attempt to keep his breathing regular. He wanted to go home! He wanted to fold himself into Sebastian's chest and never have to leave. He'd even return to his parents' place if he needed to, endure more bruised cheeks and black eyes, if it meant he could avoid this life.

Unbidden tears began to stream down his cheeks, stifled sobs and whimpers sounding strangled in his throat. He was an emotional wreck and he couldn't think straight. He was so physically drained he wasn't sure he could walk. Time had lost all meaning. How many hours had passed since he'd left Sebastian outside the Sheriff's Office? Had entire days passed? How much longer did he have to endure this?

There was a hiss to his left and he peered through gaps in his fingers to see a section of the wall had moved. No one was around and he wondered if it was a mistake or deliberate, a temptation he was meant to resist or a sign of where he was meant to go next. He looked to the wall where the trio had gone and decided that if he made the wrong choice by entering the door then so be it. On the other hand, if it was an opportunity to get out of here then he had to take it.

His knees bowed beneath his weight as he crossed the floor to the doorway. Beyond the opening was a darkened corridor like the one the silver-haired man had led him through. He wondered if it really was a way out, if he was being granted the chance to leave, but there was no way of knowing when no one had given him any information. He glanced over his shoulder, like he expected to be scolded for doing the wrong thing or that another door hadn't opened, before stepping through the doorway.

There was an immediate sensation of something buzzing over his skin. It made his stomach fizzle and though it didn't hurt, it was an unpleasant sensation. Once he'd acclimatised to the feeling, he looked ahead and found the corridor looked darker than before. He stepped back, fearing more falling sand, only to find the solidness of the wall behind him again.

He was stuck in the corridor and the only direction was forwards.

 _Shit_.

"Hello?" he said, not expecting an answer anymore. He kept one hand on each side of the wall as he advanced one nervous step forward at a time. He needed to be sure the corridor wasn't shrinking inwards because he could feel himself falling to pieces.

When he turned to look over his shoulder and gauge how far he'd travelled, the wall was only a foot away from him. He frowned, panic mounting within him, because he  _knew_  he'd taken at least ten steps forward. His muscles struggled forward another step and he found himself focusing on the wall on either side. Like the box, the surface was smooth and cool. He couldn't feel anything remarkable nor could he see anything special.

"Hello?" he tried again. His fear was making his voice strained and weak, barely carrying in the silent darkness of the narrow space. He'd never had much of a fear of the dark before but after the sandbox, and knowing that there was holographic technology available, Blaine began to suspect this was some sort of optical illusion. It was a distortion of the true nature of his surroundings. Approaching the situation logically didn't reduce his fear though, since he had no idea where he was, what was happening or what he was meant to do to get out. He figured it had to be another test, some sort of challenge to survive, but he really needed instructions or warnings about what to expect so he knew how to prepare himself.

He reached behind him and hit a solid wall. It confirmed his suspicion that this was all a trick but he had nowhere to go but into the darkness, into an abyss that would have been manageable if tons of sand hadn't been dropped on his head in the dark. He looked overhead as a precaution but it was too dark to see a ceiling so he had no idea if another flurry of sand was threatening to fall on his head. Tears built in his eyes and he forced a hand from the wall to grip at the ring around his neck. It wasn't as good as a torch but it gave him some internal light to keep going. He had someone to return home to if he could navigate his way out of here.

He managed another twenty steps before he walked into a wall. He yelped, startling backwards only to find another wall half a step behind him. The feeling of claustrophobia welled within him again, his breath seizing in his lungs and his heart inching higher and higher towards his mouth and his knees wavering beneath him and his hands struck out at the wall in search of something,  _anything_ , to-

His fingers caught on a rough object and it dislodged something with a clang. A glowing outline of a door appeared in front of him. A gleaming white handle was the obvious thing to reach for and he wasted no time in taking it because anything was better than this.

He threw open the door and rushed inside. It was another white box but this time there was a figure across the room. They stood out, their body cloaked in a shapeless grey fabric with a black hood on their head. They knelt on the floor, hands behind their back, and when Blaine tried to take a tentative step forwards, he found his feet were stuck to the floor. He tried to peel his feet from his shoes but it made no difference. It was like his hand on the screen – he was stuck.

Was the figure another illusion or real? He couldn't tell at this distance but it looked solid. It didn't appear to be tinted blue. He had to assume the person was real.

He eyed the ceiling, as if expecting another dump of sand, and folded his arms over his chest. "Hello?"

The person's head raised and tilted towards him. He couldn't tell if it was a male or female, an old person or a young person. Clearly they could hear though.

"Hi?" he said again, biting his bottom lip. "I- I don't understand what-"

"You have to kill me," the person said, the voice a harsh rasp that echoed around the space. Blaine thought the inflections sounded male but wasn't sure.

The immediate analysis of the situation aside, his heart skipped a beat at the words. He shook his head to clear his ears, realising this was too close to a scene from his nightmares. It had to be related to what he revealed via the holograms. This wasn't real. This  _couldn't_  be real.

"I'm not going to-"

"You must," the person said, shifting against its knees and lowering its head. Tears prickled Blaine's eyes at the voice, at how  _exhausted_  the person said. "It's the only way to get out of here."

"No! There must be another-"

" _Blaine_."

He froze at his name then flinched. Unchecked tears spilled down his cheeks when he recognised the shift in tone. " _Seb_?" The air in the room had to be getting thinner because he couldn't breathe. His head spun with waves of dizziness. His stomach clenched tighter and tighter. He couldn't- "Sebastian?"

This  _had_  to be a hologram.

…right?

"Turn around," Sebastian said and though it was difficult to take his eyes off the hooded boy, though Blaine's feet were sealed to the floor, he twisted at the waist to find a gun strapped to the wall behind him. He shuddered at the sight, wanting to rush across the room and wrap his arms around Sebastian to protect him. This option to get out of hell was… This option was unfathomable. He'd rather the roof cave in with sand and bury him alive than face this.

"I'm not going to," he insisted, looking back at Sebastian who shrugged helplessly from his kneeling position on the floor. "Seb, I'm not-"

"It's okay, Blaine," Sebastian said, his voice cracking in the middle which betrayed the tears he was shedding under the hood. "It's okay. You… You have to do this to live. Please…"

A flash of hot rage at Sebastian pleading for death travelled through him. His fingers pulled the gun from the wall and though he'd never held a gun, he instinctively knew how to wrap his hand around the cool, unyielding metal. His finger teased along the trigger. He knew about a gun, in theory, but there was nothing distinguishable about it, nothing that suggested it was capable of doing something so dangerous and evil and  _cruel_.

And there was  _no_  way he was going to point it at Sebastian.

His hand shook as he raised the gun towards his head. His eyes were fixed on the kneeling person at the other end of the room, more prepared, more ready, to take his own life than Sebastian's. If he was Selected, it was only a matter of time until his life was in danger anyway, right? He couldn't live without Sebastian. He couldn't live with the knowledge that he'd killed the person that had given him a ring and promised the rest of his life.

He felt tears drip from the edge of his jaw.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice unlikely to carry across the room. Any ability to speak was draining away from him as he resigned himself to this fate. "Seb, I'm-"

With his eyes fixed on Sebastian across the room, he watched the hooded figure fuzz for a moment before disappearing.

The gun dissolved in his grasp and his fingers closed around air.

The room was as white and empty as the first one he'd entered.

It was all an elaborate ruse, a series of hyper realistic holograms to fake an unthinkable reality.

And he'd called their bluff.

This time, his feet moved. His quaking knees gave out on him, collapsing inwards until he was a tiny ball. He pressed his face to his knees as sobs tore at his throat.

He wasn't sure if he was more upset seeing 'Sebastian' in that position or that he'd held a gun to his temple and been prepared for what that would entail.

* * *

_**~TBC~** _


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

* * *

Blaine didn't bother to keep track of time in the new white box. He didn't care anymore. He'd tried to stay strong, tried to keep his hand around the ring at his neck, but he knew he was broken on the inside. Seeing Sebastian like that, even if it had been a mirage, had extinguished his ability to fight.

In the white box, time had failed to have any meaning. The lack of natural life, the sleep deprivation, the repeated triggering of his fight-or-flight response and the indescribable capacity of technology had warped reality beyond recognition. Time ticked by, measured in the unsteady rhythm of his head, but he didn't move from his bundle on the floor. He felt unwilling to step further into the room in case some other response was activated to carve deeper into the mental scars inflicted by nameless people.

He didn't move but he noticed the brightness in the room dimming. A panel to his right opened and he saw the foyer of the Office. Curls and fingertips blocked segments of his vision. Suspicion tensed his shoulders and he stayed where he was. They wouldn't trick him again. They wouldn't-

The woman stepped into the doorway, her gaze filled with disappointment, displeasure and disgust. There was a brief moment that Blaine almost dared to believe he'd failed the tests and wouldn't be Selected.

"You can leave," she said with a wave of her hand. Blaine didn't believe she was real. She could be a figment of his imagination or the door parting and her appearance another hologram ushering him towards another challenge of his mental and physical endurance. She rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her. "Mister Anderson, get control of yourself and get the hell out of here."

He sniffled and winced as he unfolded cramped muscles, wobbling to his feet and stumbling across the room towards her. She moved out of the way allowing him to pass, entering the foyer which…looked just like the foyer. The pale grey walls and floor, the white furniture, the unmarked surfaces that were too pristine to have seen many visitors were all familiar – yet it felt more unnatural now.

The woman pointed towards the front doors and he rubbed a hand across his face to rid it of tears and snot. This could be another test or it could be an escape but he just wanted to get out of this place.

He surged towards the doors. They flew aside with a  _bang_  loud enough to make him jump. Sunlight glossed over his face, warm and bright and so  _natural_  that he recoiled and shaded his eyes with a hand. He could hear birds chirping and lawn mowers rumbling and insects buzzing and cars roaring and it was all louder than he was comfortable with hearing after so long surrounded by silence. When he inhaled, he could smell cut grass and sweet flowers and sour pollution. It was hard to believe this wasn't just another scene from his imagination, another elaborate hologram designed to-

"Blaine?"

He blinked against the glare when he saw Sebastian moving towards him. There was a cautious look on the other boy's face, his hands outstretched. His clothes were different from when he'd dropped Blaine off, the blue t-shirt now white, the light-wash jeans now dark. The differences made him step back. His back collided with the door and he recalled the tunnel closing in on him and his lungs squeezed and he realised this was all another fake scenario and he wondered what he'd have to do this time.

Sebastian feet scraped to a stop. His green eyes glazed with pain and Blaine felt sick. He wondered if the holographic gun could shoot real bullets. The realisation that his reaction could be exactly like Marcus, that the Shortlist Selection Process had ruined him, made a cold chill settle against the back of his neck.

"Blaine… Look at me. What did I tell you the night I gave you the ring?" Sebastian said, his hands lowering to his sides to look as unthreatening as possible. "What's something only we'd know?"

Blaine felt anguished tears building in his eyes again. He hoped it was just sleep deprivation that was making him so prone to crying fits because he had to be on the verge of passing out from dehydration. His right hand reached for the ring, his index finger slipping through the metal for comfort.

"You…said you loved me," he whispered, biting his lip but feeling encouraged by Sebastian's nod and the hopeful twitch of his lips. "That… That we'd get engaged one day because you…your father said you'd find someone that made sense to be with and…you thought that was me?"

"I  _know_  that was you," Sebastian corrected, inhaling – his roving eyes reflecting he was deliberating over something – and then hesitating before he spoke. "I'm  _real_ , Blaine. This is real. You've been in there almost twenty-eight hours so my clothes are different but the sounds you hear, the things you smell, the sun on your face… It's all real."

He stared at Sebastian, searching for any hint of holographic blue. Twenty-eight hours? It floated through his awareness but he was stuck on staring at Sebastian, his feet grinding against the floor as he searched for the right move to make. What if it was all fake? What if this was just another box? The gun had felt  _so_  real and if they could manufacture that then what else could they-

"I  _love_  you," Sebastian said, his voice pleading and cracking and his lower lip wobbling. "Please, Blaine…"

"Please be real," he murmured to himself, running at Sebastian and flinging his arms around the other boy's neck. A sob buried itself against Sebastian's chest as strong, familiar arms circled his waist. Warm, soft lips pressed into his neck as he clung to the other boy.

"I'm here," Sebastian breathed against his skin. "I'm here, Blaine. You're okay. You survived."

He grasped Sebastian as long as possible, his hold loosening a fraction when the taller male started kissing his face. Sebastian started at his forehead then trailed down to his nose, across each of his cheekbones where he could taste the remnants of salty tears.

"I  _love_  you," Sebastian repeated and Blaine's heartbeat felt like it slowed with the promise. He tilted his head into the kiss, a sob stolen by Sebastian's slow, unhurried mouth that unravelled the control he held around his emotions.

"Take me home," he whimpered, tangling his fingers into the hairs at the nape of Sebastian's neck and inhaling deeply. "P-Please take me home, Sebastian."

Sebastian nodded and pressed their foreheads together, his green eyes large and blurry but calm. Blaine inhaled again and allowed his arms to lower from Sebastian's neck, his fingers tight around Sebastian's hand. Sebastian's bike was parked by the curb and he wasn't sure he cared about the helmet – if this was fake and he fell off the bike then he wouldn't get injured, right? – but Sebastian was tugging the helmet over Blaine's head and began fixing the straps before he could resist. He could trust Sebastian to protect him.

He knew he was shaking on the ride home because he couldn't shake the feeling that this was really Sebastian and he wasn't going anywhere. How easy would it be for Sebastian to remove the helmet and reveal a totally different face and prove this was all a set-up? The knowledge that he was second-guessing reality, the connections between his reaction and Marcus', increased his guilt. He was terrified beyond words, but also angry and lost and anxious to prove that this  _was_  real.

Sebastian pulled the bike into his driveway and dismounted, freeing Blaine's head from the helmet before his own. Blaine hadn't noticed the sharp stutter of his breathing until he had open air to breathe and he pulled at his curls while Sebastian removed his helmet. When he guided Blaine's face up, his eyes were hooded with concern and uncertainty and fear and Blaine knew he'd put that look on his face, he'd reminded the boy of his father, and he  _loathed_  himself for it.

He held Sebastian's hand as they entered the house. It was silent. Dead silent. He drew a sharp breath past his lips as he remembered the box.

"Mom… She wasn't sure how you'd be so Rachel invited her over. They thought you might need some…some time," Sebastian explained as Blaine toed off his shoes. Grains of sand scattered across the floor. "Whatever you need, Blaine, the house is yours."

Part of him wanted to scream, to find the nearest thing to shatter and the shred just to see what damage he could inflict on this world. Another part of him, a larger part, found it difficult to articulate words. He sucked his lower lip between his teeth, glancing around the house for dangers and tried to tell himself he didn't look like the skittish rabbit that he feared.

"I need a shower," he whispered, peeking up at Sebastian as if that might be the wrong thing to say.

Some of the lines around Sebastian's eyes softened as his fingers reached for Blaine's hand. "Sure. Do you want to be alone or…?"

Blaine hesitated, the possibility of being alone to process tempting but the fear of being alone and everything changing, of Sebastian disappearing, of doing something different, making him shake his head. Sebastian draped an arm around his shoulder and kissed his temple, his lips lingering against Blaine's hairline for several slow breaths. Blaine wasn't sure whether the sign of comfort was for him or Sebastian.

Another kiss later and Sebastian led him upstairs to the bathroom. When the door closed, he felt a wave of anxiety wash over him but stood to one side while Sebastian turned the taps. The water rattled out of the pipes and splattered against the tiles. He turned to stare at himself in the mirror, tracing his hands over his face to reacquaint himself with his appearance. Marcus' ring hung from his neck, centred against his chest. Stubble shaded his jaw and his eyes were bloodshot and ringed with darkness. The more he stared, the more he thought there was something...unnatural about how he looked.

Sebastian approached him, his chest bare and constellated with freckles that surely couldn't be replicated by a hologram. His hands smoothed over Blaine's waist to rest against his belly, his eyes never wavering from Blaine's as he bent his head to kiss at the juncture of his shoulder and neck where the silver necklace was settled. It was the same spot Sebastian had left a hickey all those months ago.

"I love you," Sebastian murmured and Blaine tilted his head to offer greater access to the other boy nosing at his neck. The exhalations tickled the fine hairs of his skin. He shifted when Sebastian's hands slid his pale green shirt over his head, leftover grains of sand skittering down his body. Sebastian didn't ask and Blaine didn't explain, using the eye-contact to ground him as fingers peeled away his jeans and underwear until they pooled around his ankles.

He followed Sebastian's lead, stepping beneath the warm spray of the water and letting it splash over his face and thread through his hair. He turned slowly while Sebastian undressed and gave him a minute to rid some of the grime from the Shortlist Selection Process – sweat, tears, sand – but he couldn't get rid of the need for something to snap him from the fog permeating his thoughts.

Sebastian eased into the shower behind him, the dips and swells of his body slotting against the lines of Blaine's. Fingertips dragged over his skin and distorted the flow of water down his body and Blaine tried to tell himself a hologram wouldn't feel this real. There wasn't any imminent threat to his life. Maybe… Maybe it wasn't fake?

He turned in Sebastian's hold, snaking his arms around the taller boy's neck and drawing closer for a kiss.

Rivulets of water travelled over their bodies in shifting directions as they touched, at first hesitantly and then, as Blaine began to accept Sebastian's hands and mouth on his skin might be real, with greater confidence. It was slow, unhurried, lips and fingertips coaxing him back to awareness and chasing away the darkness that he feared might be inescapable because it lived inside him.

"I need…" Teeth scraped the pulsepoint of his neck and his fingers clenched into Sebastian's slippery skin. "Can we-?"

Droplets fell from strands of Sebastian's damp hair. The taller boy nipped at his earlobe, an index finger travelling down the curve of his spine which tilted his hips towards Sebastian's. "You sure?"

He nodded. Once the suds of soap and shampoo had swirled away twenty-eight hours of terror, he climbed out of the shower and let Sebastian drag the towel over his skin. He tried not to feel self-conscious of his nudity as he tracked across the corridor into Sebastian's room, the place where he felt calmest according to some holographic tablet screen. He wondered if he felt safe there because of the amount of time he'd spent curled into Sebastian's arms.

Sebastian moved onto the bed first and he followed, traces of heat blooming in his cheeks when he straddled the other boy's lap. Hands curved around his waist to hold him close and he started gnawing his lip, struggling to meet Sebastian's eyes.

"I-" He swallowed and lowered his eyes to the freckles of Sebastian's chest, using them to distract him from the memories circling the surface of his thoughts like sharks out for blood. "I'm…scared."

Sebastian shifted until a blanket was draped around Blaine's shoulders. The warmth and safety of protecting his back soothed him and he managed a weak smile. He loved Sebastian more than he had the words to express it.

"It's okay to be afraid," Sebastian reassured, his hand rubbing Blaine's arm. "Do you want to talk about…what happened?"

He shrugged because he didn't have the words to explain that either. He didn't know how he could confess to what he'd considered doing when faced with the kneeling hologram. He didn't want to conceal the journey like Marcus had done but he could understand why the older man hadn't wanted to talk about it.

"I think it was all a series of tests to make you scared or push your mental and physical limits of survival." His fingertips mapped the spaces between each freckle, his heart thumping in his chest. "I'm… I don't want to…to lose myself to this. I don't want to lose  _you_."

"Hey." Sebastian sat up immediately, his hands moving to cradle Blaine's cheek and draw their eyes together. "You aren't going to lose me. We'll… We'll work this out."

"You sure?" Blaine breathed while he searched Sebastian's gaze.

Sebastian's hand closed around the ring and held it up for Blaine to see. It glinted in the light as Blaine's eyes switched between it and Sebastian's green stare. "This was my promise to you, Blaine. This will always be my promise to you."

His fingers curled against Sebastian's and brushed against the ring. Some of his fears began to fade. Maybe he could get through this. Maybe being Shortlisted wouldn't break him.

He tugged Sebastian with him, rolling them over until he had the taller male stretched above him looking so beautiful he didn't seem real. "I love you," he whispered, watching Sebastian's eyes clear with signs of relief and hope.

"I love you more than life itself," Sebastian hushed, leaning down to bestow a gentle, reassuring kiss which was exactly what Blaine needed.

* * *

If Blaine had thought the two weeks between receiving his letter and the 'interviews' had been filled with ravaging anxiety and sleepless nights, it was nothing compared to waiting for the outcome of the Shortlist Selection Process.

In the weeks that followed, he missed more school that he attended because he no longer saw that there was any point in going. Seeing so many people made him wary of potential threats and he alternated between staring at those around him with undisguised suspicion and avoiding eye contact altogether. Nick still avoided him and Rachel struggled to divide her time and support both of them without it looking like she was choosing a side. Loud and sudden noises made him flinch, especially the slam of a locker door. He'd brush past people in the corridors in between classes and flinched, shrinking towards the walls and struggling to breathe until Sebastian or Rachel found him. When he'd tried to sit his exams, all he could hear within moments of the first one starting was the deafening silence and the ticking of a clock and the swish of his heart beating in his ears and he'd scrambled from the room despite the teacher's calls to stop, to return, to explain himself.

He hadn't been able to do any more exams.

He'd asked Sebastian to check on his credits and been assured that he had completed enough work to graduate regardless of his non-completion of final exams. It was enough for him to stop attending and spend the day holed up in Sebastian's room among a nest of blankets.

Despite his best attempts at staying present in each moment when he was with Sebastian, he became more and more withdrawn. Being at Sebastian's house helped but the improvements were minor. He could attempt to sleep but only if a lamp was on in his room. The first couple of times he'd woken to complete darkness and Sebastian had woken to his stuttering gasps, it had taken almost an hour to soothe his panic attack. Any blinding of his retinas by the sun made him retreat towards the shade. With fragments of his experiences always lurking on the edge of his eyes, he struggled to concentrate on the conversations that occurred around him between Adriana and Sebastian and Rachel. Sebastian squeezing his hand would bring him back, for a time, but he'd inevitably drift away again.

He spoke so rarely that his voice was scratchy when he expressed something. The worst image in his mind was the hologram of the figure on his knees, Sebastian's voice begging for his death. There was a time he'd zoned out when Sebastian had been reading something aloud at the end of the couch. When the awareness had returned, Sebastian was on his knees with tears glittering in his eyes.

Blaine had come close to running out of the house and screaming at ghosts he couldn't escape.

Sleeping… He  _tried_  to sleep but it was almost impossible. The silence of the night made it easier for the images in his mind to sharpen when he tried to relax. Nightmares of his Shortlist Selection Process, of anything his brain wanted to conjure, rattled him awake multiple times a night. He stopped looking at himself in the mirror because he could guess his cheeks were sallow and his eyes were haunted. Any reassuring smile he tried to offer Sebastian was met with an unimpressed look. Real happiness, the warmth Sebastian could infuse under his skin and make the world worth living, was absent from his heart. He wanted to deny how deeply he was affected but his entire world felt like it revolved around a twenty-eight hour ordeal. Every time he thought he could break free, it seemed to suck him further into a terror-filled silence.

His favourite season gave way to an early summer heat wave and it conflicted with Blaine's preference to hide in Sebastian's room. Creating a nest of blankets left him uncomfortably warm, his shirt growing patchy with sweat. He hadn't mentioned it to Sebastian but…he was aware of the fact he may not get to feel any of the heat next year. Every day seemed like a farewell. He didn't have an end-point to his countdown but in his head, he had no more April 20ths or May 2nds. Every day that ticked by drained a bit more strength from his muscles and his mind, pushing him closer to the brink of despair. He thought Sebastian might have guessed that he'd resigned himself to being Selected because they'd stopped talking about it once Sebastian had stopped asking how he felt.

After a rare venture to school, three weeks since the Shortlist Selection Process and two weeks before graduation, he walked to Sebastian's house with his fingers twined between the other boy's. Sebastian slowed before he did because Blaine tended to keep his eyes trained on the cracks in the sidewalk. His gaze travelled to Sebastian's face, a small frown scrunching his eyebrows together before he noticed Sebastian was looking away from him. His face was ashen and Blaine followed his gaze to-

"Mom?" he breathed, his hand sliding free of Sebastian's as he took an involuntary step towards Cynthia Anderson standing by the gate to Sebastian's front yard.

She raised her head, soft brunette waves brushing her shoulders as she looked at him. Her face wasn't bruised but her cheeks looked thinner, her eyes pained. "I can't stay," she said, shifting from one foot to the other and glancing between Blaine and Sebastian. He could feel Sebastian pressing closer to him, a defensive stance that might once have made him smile fondly and lean into the other boy's chest – if he wasn't so stuck on his mother loitering outside Sebastian's house.

"Mom?" he prompted, anticipation and anxiety unravelling in his chest and making it harder and harder to breathe. "What are you-"

"This arrived for you," Cynthia said, approaching them and holding out a white envelope. He didn't need to look at it to know where it had come from. He shrank into Sebastian's arms, his chest aching at the rapid thudding of his heartbeat and the constriction of his lungs.

Sebastian's arms wrapped around Blaine's waist, his chin hooking over Blaine's shoulder. "I've got you," Sebastian whispered into his ear, keeping him on his feet when his legs buckled beneath him. "Listen to me, Blaine.  _I've got you_. No matter what."

Blaine could see his mother's lower lip trembling as she stared at them, hating that she was seeing him so vulnerable and broken. The envelope in her hand twitched as she struggled to hold still. The expression on her face was unreadable but Blaine's gaze was fixed on the envelope. He could feel an increasing sense of dread filling his stomach, like black tar seeping into his blood that spread to his stomach, his heart, his lungs, his throat, his fingers, his toes. It burned like lava, threatening to tear him apart from the inside. Tears spilled down his cheeks as Sebastian held him upright and Cynthia Anderson watched them.

When the oxygen deprivation made him dizzy and his knees weren't able to support him any longer, Sebastian swept him up, bridal-style. Sebastian swiped the letter from Cynthia's hand and strode past her, up the path and through the unlocked front door. Blaine clung to Sebastian in silence as tears poured down his face, his breath seizing in his throat.

"Seb? Is that y- Blaine?" Adriana's voice floated around him as Sebastian sat on the couch and curled Blaine into his lap. He was incoherent. He couldn't have spoken if he'd tried.

"His mother showed up," Sebastian explained, his hand extending to pass the envelope to his mother. Adriana inhaled sharply, her fingers grasping taking the paper and turning it over and over.

Blaine couldn't bear to look. He hid his face in Sebastian's chest as long fingers wrapped around the back of his neck and pressed into the curve of his spine, holding him safe and secure. Sebastian's thumb smoothed circles into the knots of his neck but it wasn't enough to erase the tension. There was just  _so much_  panic that it was overwhelming, brimming up his throat until he thought he was going to throw up. He couldn't articulate anything he needed, anything he wanted, and could only hope Sebastian knew what to do and had all the answers.

He cringed when he heard the sound of tearing paper, his shaking increasing despite Sebastian trying to clamp around him tighter. The threads of his sanity became more and more tattered when he heard the scrape of unfolding paper, her breath stuttering past her lips.

And he knew.

"' _Dear Mister Anderson_ ,'" she began, her voice wavering. "' _We are pleased to inform you that you…you have been Selected to_ -'"

Blaine wasn't sure if he screamed into Sebastian's chest or if the high-pitched keening was just in his head when he received the confirmation. Either way, it was loud enough to block out everything else.

* * *

_**~TBC~** _


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

* * *

Blaine lived in a void.

If Sebastian spoke in the ensuing weeks, Blaine could barely hear it over the screaming in his head. He still clung to the other boy but he couldn't raise his eyes from the floor. His only emotion was terror, his only feeling was nausea, his only sensation was pain. Food was tasteless, a mush on his tongue that stayed in his stomach for half an hour if he was lucky. His dreams were vivid and warped and dark, involving shadowed or cloaked figures kneeling before him while he swung a gun in search of a way out. Sometimes the dreams ended when he held the gun to his temple. Sometimes the dreams ended when he shot the faceless figures surrounding him. Sometimes the dreams didn't end until Sebastian shaking his floppy body filtered into his conscious awareness.

He stopped going to school. Realising that he'd never needed any of the knowledge he'd accrued over the years made refusing easy. Sometimes he considered the crippling stress of deadlines, the nights he'd stayed awake to finish a paper, the times he'd appeased his teachers with Christmas gifts. It all appeared to have been for nothing. Graduation reared then passed without his attendance. Adriana kept him company and guilt ate his insides that she was missing her only son's graduation. Rachel accompanied Sebastian home and the pair attempted to console him, to draw him out of the shell-shocked state he couldn't pull himself away from, but he was deaf to hearing her too.

He stopped leaving Sebastian's house. With the Selection official, he was afraid to show his face. He released Sebastian's body when he had to dress in his work uniform and leave to do rounds of garbage disposal and Blaine hugged Sebastian's pillow to his chest. Heat filled the house but when he would emerge from his cocoon, he drifted around with a hoodie or blanket cloaking his shoulders because he couldn't shake the persistent chill. He walked without purpose, searching for something he couldn't find. Sometimes he sat in the living room on the couch, folded into a small ball and clutching a pillow to his chest. Mostly he huddled in bed and clung to Sebastian or Sebastian's pillow, drifting in and out of a fuzzy awareness due to his lack of sleep.

Boxes cluttered a spare room. His parents had sent his belongings after they had gotten word of his Selection. He knew Selected gave him access to a place of his own, somewhere secluded from the townspeople who would no longer trust him if they knew, but he didn't trust himself to be left alone. He needed Sebastian, Adriana and Rachel nearby because they were the only tools to help him hold onto the last fragments of his sanity. He'd thought about asking Sebastian to join him at the house but he couldn't isolate Sebastian from his mother. Sebastian needed support too. He knew that. He understood that.

His 'start date' was the first Wednesday in June and the closer it got, the more withdrawn he got. He knew the day was inescapable. He knew if he failed to show, it would be punishable by death. There was some twisted irony to getting out of this life by avoiding the responsibility loaded upon his shoulders.

Except he knew, through all the layers of haze and hurt and horror that dulled his hearing and his awareness, he couldn't give up because he had Sebastian. He  _wouldn't_  give up because he had Sebastian.

When the dawn rose on Sunday June 1st, Blaine wasn't sure he could sleep again. Sebastian stroked his curls in an attempt to soothe him every night but he couldn't stop trembling with fear. He pressed closer and close to the other boy but no amount of kisses to his forehead or fingers trailing over his skin relaxed him. Witnessing Sebastian's exhaustion and desperation crippled him with guilt and sometimes he came close to deciding to move to the house assigned to the Selected if only to give Sebastian distance from his emotional chaos.

"I love you," Sebastian whispered against his hair, cradling Blaine to his chest as they lay tangled in bed. Blaine wasn't sure if it was late Tuesday night or if enough hours had ticked by and it was early Wednesday morning. "No matter what happens you need to remember that, Blaine."

Blaine's eyelids drooped, heavy with fatigue that he couldn't give into because of the images that lurked in his mind. "What if- I- I'm going to…to  _kill_  p-people and-"

"I still loved my dad," Sebastian said, his hand pressing into the small of Blaine's back and silencing Blaine's raspy words. When had he last spoken? "This isn't your fault. This isn't what you want." His other hand withdrew the ring squashed between their torsos, the faint light from the lamp glinting off the metal. "This was a promise, remember?"

Blaine tilted his head in acknowledgement, his eyes tracing around the silver surface. He wasn't sure he deserved to keep wearing it. Blaine hadn't wanted to become a shell like Marcus but he knew he had. He knew he'd broken.

"We'll get through this," Sebastian murmured, squeezing Blaine tight enough to crack his fragile veneer. " _I'll_  find a way out of this."

Blaine didn't understand what Sebastian meant but he decided to soak in the warmth of the other boy's body and the scent of his cologne and soap. A rhythmic snore that tickled his hair suggested Sebastian dozed off eventually and Blaine envied the other boy's ability to sleep amidst the impending disaster of Blaine's life.

He didn't think he fell asleep but he was woken with a start when he heard a knocking at the front door. In the silence of the house, he could hear Adriana's bedroom door squeak downstairs and her footfalls into the foyer. He heard the front door open, the soft hush of indiscernible voices, and knew – without checking the time, without hearing a word – that someone had come from the Office of the Sheriff to take him before dawn. The shots always began at first light.

He'd expected to cry, to scream, to flail his arms and legs, to protest so fiercely that they'd choose someone else.

Instead, he felt something that was even worse than a violent external reaction.

He felt  _nothing_.

* * *

Blaine was squashed into the backseat between two minions from the Office of the Sheriff. Sebastian's kisses all over his face were like brands to his skin, sinking past the layers of flesh and settling in his bones. Below his neck, he felt nothing. The white uniform was a blank canvas just like his soul: hollow and empty. He thought it might have been resignation, the knowledge that he could do nothing to change his fate. In a few hours, he would have taken the lives of multiple people in his town. Maybe they were people he knew, maybe they weren't. He didn't think it mattered.

He wasn't comfortable in the back of the car and that wasn't just because he was between two people. As soon as the car had moved, a dark screen had divided the front seat from the back. The side and back windows were tinted so dark he couldn't see, and not just because the morning was still early. He was left with no idea where he was going and the secrecy made him itchy. He knew they'd taken a series of lefts and rights and he knew the town relatively well but not enough to be able to memorise a path to whatever facility they were driving towards and run back to Sebastian's house.

Half an hour later, when Blaine's fingers were itching to tear at his hair, the car slowed then shifted into park. The back doors opened, revealing a world cast with shadows and silent. The birds hadn't begun their pre-dawn chirping and twittering yet. The man to his left shifted out of the car, the man on the right staring at him. With no other choice available, he scooted to the left and followed the man while the other trailed after him. He noted their obvious differences just so he had something to do – one was blond, one was brunette, one was shorter, one was stockier – but he had no interest in studying their faces. Too much of today could feature in his nightmares – supposing he could ever sleep again – and he didn't need more demons to hover on the edge of his awareness.

He kept his eyes low, taking in as little as possible about his surroundings. The floor was an unremarkable grey. The walls looked the same from the corner of his eyes. It was like the Office of the Sheriff but he knew they'd travelled further than that. There was a network of corridors that he was led through and his skin began crawling with the recollection of where he'd ended up, his breathing turning harsh, but then his leader stopped and stepped aside.

"Place your hand on the screen. It will read your fingerprint. If you are the Selected, you will be granted access," the blond male said.

He flicked his eyes upwards and saw the screen. It was similar in dimensions to the one which had cast his thoughts in blue holographic images and he swallowed around the tightness in his throat. His fingers trembled as he planted them against the screen, watching a thin strip of white light travel from his fingertips to the base of his palm. After several seconds, the door in front of him parted with a metallic  _whoosh_  and the hands of the brunette male behind him pushed him into the room. The door slid shut.

There was a single wooden chair bolted to the floor in front of a large desk. There were no windows, no ability to see outwards, but harsh fluorescent tube lights hung from the bland ceiling and cast the space in an eerie blue glow. The light on the desk exposed the array of buttons, levers and sliding knobs. He stepped closer and tried to comprehend what he was seeing. It was like some sort of control board.

As he approached the desk, a door slid open on the opposite wall. Blaine couldn't repress the shudder as the silver-haired man from the Shortlist Selection Processed entered. He was dressed in the same suit as last time although it was possible that it was the only suit the man owned.

"Mister Anderson," the man said, extending his hand to Blaine as he crossed the floor. "Welcome aboard."

Blaine stared at the hand before looking up. Was this man for real? He didn't want to be here. He didn't want to be 'aboard' anything. His face probably displayed his disbelief and disgust at the cordial greeting.

The man didn't look miffed by the snub. Instead he folded his hands behind his back and his eyes scanned Blaine's expression. "Would you like to hear how the process is going to work?"

 _No_ , Blaine's internal voice screamed while he tried to tamp down on the glare he was levelling at the other man. If he looked too defiant, he could get into trouble. His heart told him to run but his head knew that was a bad idea and was responsible for keeping his feet firmly planted on the ground.

A smile stretched across the man's face and it was far too amused for Blaine's liking. The man turned and gave small flourish towards the desk. "This is our main operations centre," he explained as he walked towards it, apparently ignoring the fact Blaine didn't follow. "We wouldn't dream of letting our Selected handle a gun,  _especially_  when they pointed it at themselves during the Selection Process." A cursory glare was cast in Blaine's direction like the level of distress he'd felt was despicable. "We have adapted with the times and this had led to a new method of carrying out the requirements of the law."

Blaine couldn't stop his eyebrows from lowering into a frown. He didn't understand what the man was saying. He wasn't going to handle a gun? Did that mean he wasn't going to kill anyone?

As if the man knew what he was thinking, he continued his explanation. "You are required to press a button when the light above you turns from red to green. That button will deliver the punishment to those Reported of crimes. There is one hundred percent accuracy and the streamlined process has increased efficiency and been cleaner for everyone involved. You're really very lucky, Mister Anderson."

Blaine blinked as his eyes drifted to the control board. The man's words were so calm, so clean and clinical that his mind raced to put the pieces together. Some of the horrific nightmares he'd been having for weeks, of cloaked figures on their knees in front of him with a hood masking their identity, shifted in his head at the revelation that he just had to push a button and not squeeze the trigger of a gun. Was he relieved at the difference? Was he horrified? He wondered whether Marcus had been faced with the gun or the button.

"Take a seat, Mister Anderson," the man said and Blaine stumbled towards the chair. It looked stiff and uncomfortable. It looked like a throne of Hell. It looked like-

Fingers trembling, lip bitten raw by his teeth, he sank into the chair and tried to quell the urge to throw up. The man tapped his index finger near a square-shaped button close to Blaine. It was a clear indication  _that_  was the button Blaine had to push.

"The first week is the hardest," the man said, too detached to have any shreds of humanity left. "Be assured, Mister Anderson, that if you refuse the job you have been assigned, we have methods to…encourage your compliance."

Blaine felt a chill travel down his spine and pool in the base of his gut at the words. He didn't know what the man was implying but he didn't want to encounter any of those 'methods'. On the other hand, he  _really_  didn't want to be pushing a button that took someone's life and-

A light above him flickered to life, a flashing red beacon with a similar pulse to his heartbeat. It hurt his eyes to look at but he also struggled to tear his gaze away. His breathing became shallow and he soon felt lightheaded. Who would he become when this was over?

The man released a breath that almost sounded contented. His hand settled on Blaine's shoulder, firm and unwelcome. "The light means we will begin soon," he said and Blaine realised his hands felt sticky with sweat. "When we are prepared, it will turn solid red. When it changes to green, you will press the button."

Tears dribbled down Blaine's cheeks. Pushing the button wasn't nearly as traumatising as the option he thought he'd be facing but…the outcome would be the same. He would still have blood on his hands. Any degree of separation from seeing his victims wasn't enough to calm or comfort him. A scream stirred in his lungs, trapped by an inability to get his throat to work. How would Sebastian look at him when he was returned to the house? How would he look at Rachel or Adriana? How would he look at his own reflection?

The blinking stopped. His throat felt like it was being crushed in a vice and he could hear the whistle of his inhalations trying to get through. The man's hand tightened against his shoulder, his fingertips digging into Blaine's flesh and sending spasms of pain shooting up his neck and along the nerves of his arm towards his twitching fingers. It added to the cinderblock in his stomach which was intent on dragging him further and further towards the inescapable pit of despair.

The red light above him glowed like an angry eye and he thought of his father, of the rage in Todd Anderson's face when he'd refused to work in the music store. He remembered how he thought no job would be worse than what Todd inflicted on him, the inadequacy he felt at being a gay son who finally had a boyfriend, but he was struck by an odd feeling – he didn't feel regret at his actions and the outcome that saw him here. He'd stood up for himself, he'd done what  _he_  needed to do, and even though that put him in a situation that made him feel distraught with grief, he'd done the right thing in standing up to Todd Anderson.

It was a difficult belief to accept but maybe it would get easier with time.

As he came to that realisation, the red light blinked twice before changing to green. His heart had to have stopped. His breathing wasn't far behind it. He didn't move. He  _couldn't_  move. He-

The hand against his shoulder tightened further and he flinched and gasped at the agony that flooded his body. The silver-haired man's awareness of devastating pressure points made it difficult to think past the pain.

"Push the button and the hurt will ease," the man commanded, his voice completely calm while Blaine's thoughts and feelings became a jumbled pile. He didn't want to be responsible for-

The man leaned forward and jabbed the square button. Blaine hadn't noticed it had a faint green to mirror the light above them, only the button looked like it had dirty plastic or a weak bulb which needed replacing.

As soon as the button was pressed, the light above them snapped to red. A heavy silence pervaded the room. There was no bang of gunfire, no harsh explosion, no scream or cry or gasp like he might have expected. Just…silence.

And the glare of a red light above him.

"Now then," the man said as if nothing had happened, "please continue when the light turns green."

Pain ribboned along his nerves from the spot on his shoulder that the man seemed so adept in squeezing. He could feel a dull ache in his temples and lowered his eyes to his lap, attempting to measure heartbeats and breaths as seconds ticked by. How many Wednesday mornings would he endure like this before he no longer felt guilty or afraid? How many Wednesday mornings did he have before he would be placed among the Reported? Would his tenure be affected by his hesitance and unwillingness? Would the silver-haired man become so exasperated that he would hasten Blaine's replacement?

The light blinked twice then changed to green.

"You are required to continue," the man said with an excruciating press of his fingers that had Blaine seeing stars of white bursting behind his eyes.

With a trembling right hand, Blaine raised his fingers to the control panel. He could barely see through the pain ripping through him but if pushing the button meant it would ease, if it meant he didn't have to watch someone coldly take the choice away from him, then- then-

He pressed the button.

There was a pause then the light returned to red. The man's grip on his shoulder receded, sweeping the pain away. He gasped in a lungful of air that tasted like self-hatred and anger and fear.

"Well done, Mister Anderson," the man said, patting his shoulder and moving his hand to settle on the back of Blaine's chair. The praise felt like chewing gravel – painful and pointless. "The hardest part is over now. It is absolutely essential that you continue. You have no other choice."

A tear rolled down Blaine's cheek.

He couldn't escape.

* * *

Sebastian was waiting by the gate when Blaine was pushed from the open car door. The harsh glare of sunlight stabbed at his retinas, reminding him of the box, but it all seemed so far away in the robotic state he'd fallen into. Hands pressed into his waist and his first reaction was to flinch before he smelled Sebastian's scent and leaned closer. He heard the slam of the car doors behind him, the rev of the its engine fading as it drove away.

Lips skimmed his temple and over the arch of his eyebrow. The sobs he'd been suppressing for hours finally shattered free, spilling against Sebastian's chest when he sagged into the arms keeping him on his feet. They both ended up in a heap on the side of the road but Blaine was too far gone to think about the spectacle he was creating.

"You're okay," Sebastian whispered, cradling the back of his neck and rocking him slowly. "I'm here, Blaine. I've got you. It's all over."

He had ignored the amount of times the light had changed from red to green but he couldn't ignore that Sebastian was wrong.

It wasn't over.

It was only just beginning.

* * *

_**~TBC~** _


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

* * *

There was a very nice tree in the Smythe backyard.

Blaine had never noticed it because he'd preferred to stay inside, hidden in Sebastian's room away Adriana and Rachel's concerned eyes and prying questions. His capacity to cloak himself in a blanket regardless of the temperature and wander the house had changed after the first Wednesday.

He couldn't stay inside for long before it felt like the walls were shifting inwards and air was being squeezed from the room and his ribcage was crushing his lungs. He couldn't press buttons on anything in the house, from the alarm clock to the remote to the microwave, because he fretted it might be wired to kill someone. He couldn't handle artificial lights casting shadows over spaces where a silver-haired man might lurk. He couldn't stand the colour of red or green lights.

The first time he'd torn from Sebastian's arms because the walls were closing in on him and he'd found himself in the backyard, he knew he wanted to spend more time there. Outside became a sanctuary, putting half a foot into the world while keeping the rest of his body away from it. In the back of his mind, he knew being outside had other benefits.

For instance, his pale olive skin had taken on a healthier tan under the rays of the sun. The chirp of birds and buzz of insects filled his ears with white noise which was better than the silence of the house. The tickle of the breeze across his cheek was better than the still air inside the house. The scent of cut grass and fresh flowers took away the smell of metal and plastic. The interlocking branches of the oak tree in the far corner gave him something to focus on instead of the monotony of the walls. Sometimes he tried to imagine the tree as a small sapling, unaware of how tangled it would become within itself later in life.

He thought Sebastian would probably tell him he was crazy if he tried to explain how he could relate to a  _tree_.

Sebastian still rose early in the morning for his next round of collecting trash. When he returned and scrubbed himself three times in the shower in an attempt to rid himself of the smell of rotting food and whatever other crap people had disposed of, Blaine had ventured to the small concrete porch outside with a cup of coffee and a blank stare fixed on the tree. His coffee was usually half-drunk and cold when Sebastian's body slid behind him. The other boy would be wearing a pair of cut-off jeans which covered most of his thighs while his torso was exposed to the sun, darkening constellations of freckles while others bloomed from their dormancy beneath layers of pale flesh. Blaine didn't complain. He preferred the skin-to-skin contact. It was more calming.

Some days Rachel joined them. Some days she chattered constantly and some days she curled up in an arm chair with a book spread across her knees. Seeing her reminded Blaine that he'd had an interest in reading and learning, a desire to expand his mind with new information that might be important someday. Being Selected had shortened his lifespan to an unknown number though. He no longer saw the point in learning. Instead he listened to the rustle of pages or the distant rambling of her voice, the words blending into static that wasn't too irritating to listen to. Beneath Blaine's ear, Sebastian's responses would reverberate in his chest as they passed his lips.

Some nights Sebastian encouraged him away from his haunting thoughts by suggesting they attend a party. The plans sounded abstract, the parties not quite real, and when he gazed into green eyes that cared  _so much_  that it broke Blaine's heart to shake his head no. He always saw Sebastian's face fall in rejection but the thought of being in a darkened room, surrounded by jostling people he couldn't see, was a terrifying prospect to him now. Some nights Sebastian went without him and left Blaine with Adriana. He would notice Sebastian seemed more relaxed, more focused when he returned, but Blaine tried to crush the voice that wondered  _why_. He didn't want to think that Sebastian might be getting…laid at the parties and he was basking in a post-orgasmic haze.

Sometimes Blaine opened his mouth intending to tell Sebastian that he wasn't physically pulling the trigger on anyone when he realised that it didn't matter. If he was pressing a button that killed people, he was still a killer. A killer of people who were Reported, who could be innocent or guilty but had never had the opportunity to defend themselves. He was a killer and he hated himself.

Contrary to what the silver-haired man had said, the second Wednesday wasn't any easier that the first. In fact he resisted the pain inflicted on his pressure point and the man was forced to press the square button twice.

"Your time as the Selected will be short if you continue to refuse," the man said as he kept his thumb against the spot that radiated agony along Blaine's nerves. "Is that what you want?"

Blaine couldn't shrug. His throat felt like sandpaper so he couldn't speak. He blinked away tears. The red light glared at him.

"Why do you resist? Do you believe you will be a disappointment to your friends and family? Do you believe they will judge you for your role?"

Blaine clenched his eyes shut, curling his fingers together in his lap. He tried to tilt his head so he could swallow the minimal saliva pooled in his mouth but it was difficult when his neck throbbed with pain.

"If you are concerned about that, then we can remove such issues from your life. You wouldn't even know who was affected by the changing light."

As if it knew, the light turned green.

Blaine understood the implications behind the man's words if he continued trying to refuse.

He sealed off more of his emotions and pushed the button.

* * *

If it wasn't a Wednesday, he no longer knew what day of the week it was.

There was a day, somewhere after his third Wednesday but before his fourth, when he was sitting outside like usual. Sebastian had returned from his garbage collection and tucked around Blaine's body, a safe embrace from someone Blaine didn't think he could do without. Sebastian's fingers slipped through his curls, nuzzling a kiss to the top of his head from time to time. He'd eaten half the sandwich Adriana had made for him and was in the process of keeping it down. Rachel was inside helping clean up the dishes.

"I love you," Sebastian whispered against Blaine's ear, his bottom lip catching against the lobe.

Blaine's eyes fluttered before he tilted his head towards Sebastian's chest, the pads of his fingers dancing along Sebastian's bronzed arm between the array of freckles. The new speckles gave him something to examine, a distraction from his visions of red and green lights and square buttons.

"I love you too," he murmured, hearing the faint catch in Sebastian's breathing because his mouth was still so close to Blaine's ear. It was one of the few things he still said because it was true and because Sebastian needed to know he still felt it. All his other feelings seemed to be suppressed and he couldn't explain them anymore.

Sebastian's lips pressed to the hinge of his jaw, his skimming down the column of his neck. His arm cinched tighter around Blaine's waist as he inhaled the coconut sunscreen on Blaine's neck. He knew Sebastian needed this. They both did. It was an intimacy that didn't involve sweating or hushed moans into rumpled sheets, but Blaine thought this was better than sex. He couldn't bear to be looked at too closely after he'd been Selected, after his first Wednesday. Being naked was terrifying, like all his vulnerabilities would be inscribed across his skin. So their relationship had adapted to this.

"Blaine?"

His fingers twitched at his name. The warm exhale from Sebastian's mouth vanished when the taller boy looked away. He could feel Sebastian's shoulders stiffen and the increased tension in the arms around him.

"I- I didn't know if you'd-"

The fumbling words made him wriggle in Sebastian's arms until he could see Nick framed in the kitchen doorway. The boy was shifting his weight from one foot to the other and hands, his eyes on the floor and his hands fidgeting in front of him before one scraped through locks of unkempt hair. He could see faint stubble dusting Nick's jaw and eyed the ripped shorts, until Nick's stare rose to his and he looked away.

"Why are you here?" Sebastian asked, giving voice to the most pressing question on Blaine's mind. He was grateful Sebastian knew him so well sometimes.

"I-" Nick stuttered more than Blaine could remember ever hearing, even when the other boy had confessed to the myriad of crushes he'd had over the years. "I wanted to…to apologise," he said and Blaine saw him advance a step from the corner of his eyes. "I was- I hadn't considered how…how hard this would be and how much you'd need your friends and I- I know I was a really shitty friend and-"

"And currently you sound like a bumbling fool," Sebastian said, his voice cool enough to take some of the heat out of the air around them. "You really think an apology can just-"

Blaine touched a hand to the arm across his stomach, a gentle sign to stop the slew of words the taller boy had probably been itching since he'd been Shortlisted. Sebastian fell silent with a huff, loosening his grip so Blaine could twist free and get to his feet.

He struggled to maintain eye contact as he approached the other boy, noticing the tired circles beneath Nick's hazel eyes and the distant look in his expression. He noticed the lower lip that looked gnawed to death and the trembling fingers. He noticed the brunette hair which looked both unbrushed and unwashed. He didn't think Nick's emotional state was much better than his and, if he were being honest, it took him a little by surprise. He'd expected Nick to be thriving.

"I needed you," he whispered, staring into Nick's eyes but noticing his friend's bottom lip wobble. "I supported you after…after  _it_  happened and I never… I never  _wanted_  this, Nick."

"I know," Nick said, stepping forward with his hands outstretched in apology. "I know, Blaine. It just reminded me of her and-"

"I didn't kill your sister," he said, finding it difficult to keep his voice firm when it was so scratchy with disuse. "I'd rather die than kill anyone."

"Blaine-"

He waved Sebastian calling to him because he didn't need to hear that it would all be okay or he shouldn't hate himself so much. He couldn't control the disgust that filled him at what he was doing. The only reason he'd begun to comply was because of the threat against him, against everyone he loved, who could be placed at the mercy of him pressing a button.

Nick's hands hovered in the air, as if he were afraid Blaine would shrink away if he made contact. "I'm  _sorry_ ," Nick said, his hazel eyes wide with his need for Blaine to hear it, the desperation etched in every line of Nick's brow.

An unexpected tear spilled down his cheek when Nick kept staring at him with his imploring expression. "I don't know how to survive this," he admitted and Nick's pleading look turned into one of understanding, recognising that Blaine's attempt to be strong was fading fast. Blaine wilted into Nick's embrace and clutched at the navy tank top his friend was wearing, silent tears soaking into the brunette's shoulder.

* * *

Crumbling into tears against Nick was a short-lived catharsis. The emotional void he  _needed_  so he could keep facing each Wednesday returned within a day. Nick began to spend time at the Smythe house, sitting closer to Rachel, but his presence indicated his support and Blaine felt relieved. His awareness that Nick resented him, or was repulsed by him, had been a heavy burden to bear.

Yet the days passed and another Wednesday approached. He lurched awake early Monday morning when he realised the start of July was a week away. He knew the Fourth of July always began with another round of executions, regardless of what day of the week it was. Then there were celebrations for the Revolution, the townspeople's way of giving thanks to the Government for a better world. No one liked participating in the festivities but not doing so would make others suspicious, make them think you didn't appreciate life, and could see you Reported.

Any reduction in his despair returned ten-fold as his thoughts became centred on July. Sebastian had stirred and tried to talk to him, but Blaine hadn't been able to express his fears. He wasn't sure if Sebastian later guessed what had triggered his change but the other boy didn't ask or make demands for explanations. That night, the night he'd realised the Fourth of July wasn't far away, Sebastian's arms had held him to the broad warmth of the other's chest. A hand curved around his neck, the comforting touch stealing phantom pains from squeezed pressure points. If he could articulate his thoughts, the first thing would be to ensure Sebastian understood his gratitude for the unwavering support when he felt so weak.

Blaine found it easy to see why Marcus had become a shadow of himself. It didn't matter whether Blaine pushed a button or whether Marcus had pulled a trigger. The outcome of their actions was the same, the outcome of their actions was still traumatising. Blaine didn't want to think about but he couldn't escape thinking about it either. It looped in his head and made him restless. He hated that he'd become like Sebastian's father but he empathised with the man. Blaine didn't think he could have avoided feeling like this.

Sebastian's attendance at parties increased to every night the closer July 1st approached. Blaine didn't question him about it when he returned. He'd chosen ignorance over knowledge, preferring to think he was Sebastian's one and only even if that was naïve. He knew he was eventually marked for Death Day anyway so Sebastian deserved to find someone else and be happy. He considered leaving so Sebastian didn't have to put up with him anymore but Blaine didn't want to impose on Rachel's hospitality and he was afraid that the house assigned to the Selected was riddled with holographic traps or ceilings which could drop sand and-

He shook his head at the thoughts, trying to get them out of his mind. Sebastian shifted in the bed behind him, his nose bumping into Blaine's shoulder. He could tell from the pace of his breathing that Sebastian wasn't asleep. Neither of them slept much anymore.

"Hey," Sebastian whispered, the amount of care weighted in the single word enough to break Blaine in half. Long fingers skimmed over the dip in his hipbones and settled against the swell of his belly. "Talk to me."

One shoulder raised in a shrug. He felt Sebastian huff in disapproval at his inarticulate response. Guilt festered in his stomach. He felt like he was disappointing the person he loved and needed. He felt like an inadequate partner.

A kiss was pushed to his shoulder. "I'm trying so hard to take care of you," Sebastian murmured and Blaine bowed his head in shame. Sebastian sounded so  _sad_  and it was all Blaine's fault and- "I  _love_  you, Blaine. I know you don't believe it's possible right now but I- I'm- I gave you that ring and it was a promise to look after you and keep you safe. That hasn't changed. Our circumstances are different but I- My feelings for you are the same."

Blaine shifted in Sebastian's hold until he was on his back. Sebastian's arm tucked beneath his head like an extra pillow, his other hand drawing distracting patterns around Blaine's navel. His muscles twitched at the ticklish sensation. He tried not to squirm but Sebastian's constant touching was comforting and helped slow some of his jumbled thoughts into ordered lines.

"I… I didn't want to be like your father," he admitted. He saw Sebastian's eyebrows scrunch together in protest from the edge of his vision and let his eyes close to try to focus. "I didn't want to…to be ruled by fear like him but I- I can't get rid of it. I start thinking that…that you'd just be better off without me, that I should go live in the house they assigned so I- I'll stop hurting you so much and-"

His words trailed away when he heard the faintest of sniffles. He knew he was miserable but he wasn't crying.

He looked towards Sebastian. The other boy wasn't quick enough to conceal the tear trails glistening on his cheeks but he still pulled away, a hand pinching at his eyes as he inhaled. Blaine could see Sebastian's shoulders were shaking, his head bowed, and he sat up and wrapped his arms around the taller male. Seeing Sebastian cry was the proof that he was right, that Sebastian  _was_  better off without him. After several minutes of clinging to Sebastian's body, the hand covering his face moved to circle Blaine's left shoulder.

Sebastian's face pressed into Blaine's right shoulder and he lowered his head to kiss the tan skin of the other boy's temple. He didn't know what else to do. He didn't know how else to help. Speaking was difficult enough without seeing Sebastian in pieces.

"I would do anything for you," Sebastian said, his quiet words soaking into the layers of Blaine's skin. Blaine imagined they were engraved into his bones, his heart, his soul. " _Anything_ … So don't- don't give up on me, okay? I'm trying. I'm  _trying_."

Blaine made a soft hushing sound, snaking his fingers into Sebastian's hair and failing to understand what Sebastian was 'trying' to do. It didn't matter to him right now. Sebastian was upset and Blaine felt responsible for it.

Blaine coaxed Sebastian's face from his shoulder, hesitantly meeting red-rimmed green eyes that glittered with more unshed tears. It was a sight which added to the splinters and cracks that already existed in Blaine's heart. Sebastian gazed at him while he curled and uncurled his fingers against the brunette hair, feeling inadequate and uncertain about what to do.

And then Sebastian kissed him.

It was as exhilarating and tentative as their first kiss, his lips parting when Sebastian teased his tongue against Blaine's lower lip. He could taste the tears staining Sebastian's skin, he could feel the hurt and fear in Sebastian's touches, he could hear the desperation in Sebastian's breathing. He lowered himself to the bed and Sebastian crawled on top of him, their arms and legs finding familiar anchor points as the kisses continued.

"I'd risk my life for you a thousand times over if it meant restoring your happiness," Sebastian said, nosing at Blaine's jaw and leaving ticklish kisses on his neck.

"I don't want you risking your life for me," Blaine mumbled as his fingers tiptoed along Sebastian's spine. If Sebastian got Reported, Blaine knew it was his job to press the button. He couldn't live with himself if that happened.

Sebastian hummed, sitting up to pull his t-shirt over his head before lowering his mouth back to Blaine's for more languid kisses. The expanse of skin Blaine wanted to touch seemed endless. His heart stuttered at Sebastian's hand on his waist, tilting his hips, and some of his tension unspooled from his muscles. The warm touches were a good distraction from the coldness that had enveloped his heart months ago.

* * *

His self-loathing ratcheted up a notch when he realised he didn't resist pushing the button when the light turned green on the last Wednesday in June. He tried to pretend it wasn't real, as if he could ignore the situation by not looking at the button, as if he wasn't inflicting punishments on other people. He complied to keep his family and friends safe rather than resist because he had morals. There was just one problem with that: his reasons didn't reduce his despair. He, and he alone, was responsible for his actions. An outsider might even think he looked like a  _willing_ participant.

Sebastian seemed more settled after they'd explored each other's bodies for the first time in weeks. He'd come apart with a gasp of Sebastian's name on his tongue, his fingers digging into Sebastian's shoulder blades as he'd watched the taller boy's face pinch then slacken when he found his release.

Sebastian had still gone to a party the next night but Blaine felt more secure in their relationship. He studied Sebastian when he returned, thinking his shoulders looked relaxed and his cheeks were flushed from riding his motorbike in the evening heat. He wondered if it was his imagination though that Sebastian's eyes looked more guarded and his words were aloof and distant. Sometimes Blaine looked towards Adriana, his mouth trying to wrap around a question that never formed. He could tell there was a distance between the mother and son, almost imperceptible but there.

Sometimes he thought he was imagining the distance but then he'd realise Adriana hadn't smiled in a while. The times she would have once teased Sebastian were filled with silence. When she did speak, her tone wasn't light. Her eye didn't sparkle.

Blaine blamed himself for the division in the family. He pinned it on his grief and tormenting this family with the ghosts of their past.

Yet once July 1st dawned, Blaine noticed Sebastian's interaction with his mother had shifted too. Sebastian had said he was going to the bathroom and Blaine had let him go. After he'd been left outside with Rachel and Nick for too long, he'd excused himself to check Sebastian was okay. The moment he'd opened the sliding door, the hushed traces of a conversation between Adriana and Sebastian ended and their eyes turned to him. He noticed the deep furrow of Sebastian's eyebrows and the quiver to Adriana's hand and he wanted to ask, wanted to demand answers, but he was too afraid and he chickened out.

There was definitely something amiss.

* * *

_**~TBC~** _


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

* * *

When he stirred awake on the morning of July 4th, he knew without checking the time that a car would be on its way to pick him up. He had become adept at guessing the time because of his many restless hours watching the shadows drift around the room or listening to the world grow quieter beyond the window. He didn't understand the skill but he knew he could rely on it.

After he'd pulled on the bland work clothes, Sebastian had cradled his cheeks and decorated his face with kisses. He held onto the traces of warmth on his skin that made it easier to control the frayed pieces of his emotions and sanity. He didn't fidget in the backseat anymore nor did he try to memorise the route. After a month of this, he'd accepted his role and what he had to do to keep the people he loved safe. He knew he couldn't rebel against the system or the people beside him. An ant was probably more powerful than him.

He walked into the control room and didn't spare a glance towards the silver-haired man. He was encased in his numb little bubble and staring at the square button. It was easier to believe that the sooner he was ready to go, the faster this ordeal would be over. He never thought about how it was quicker to push the button five times instead of fifty. He tried to resist thinking about the consequences of his actions.

The light turned green and he reacted mechanically to press the button. Being an emotionless shell made it hurt less. This reaction wasn't a victory though. It wasn't something to be proud of, but it was helping him to survive.

He still hated himself.

He focused on Sebastian and Rachel and Nick chatting around him while they sat outside and enjoyed the sun. It wasn't as painful as counting how many times he pressed the button. He kept an arm wrapped around his waist, pretending it was Sebastian's. He thought about returning home and pressing into the comforting embrace of the boy he loved.

His mental absence meant he missed the calculating stare of the silver-haired man.

* * *

Blaine hadn't thought about how distressing it would be to hear the fireworks from Fourth of July celebrations and shouts in the street of people wandering around.

He'd flinched at the first  _bang_  and become increasingly huddled in Sebastian's lap when the noises continued. It had started  _hours_  ago and he cursed the Revolution and the frivolities that accompanied it. He knew he was hearing fireworks not gunfire but the fireworks reminded him what he did, what he'd done that morning, and it turned his stomach inside-out.

Sebastian stroked his hair and rocked him back and forth, his lips pressed to Blaine's temple. Adriana hovered around them for a while, past her usual hour of retreat. The drawn look on her face and her fretting, flitting fingers left guilt rippling through Blaine's chest.

Worse than the crack of fireworks was the shattering silence afterwards. There was a high-pitched whine somewhere and the rhythm of Sebastian's heartbeat and he could hear every creak in the house. As usual, he was the little spoon after Sebastian had carried him to bed. As usual, strong arms were slung around his waist and knees were tucked into the back of his. As usual, he was only capable of dozing for brief moments before startling awake.

It was early, well before dawn, when the silence of the night was broken by a faint roar. He couldn't place it but didn't think anything of it. The soundscape wasn't interesting tonight.

Sebastian shifted though, stiffening before shaking his shoulders gently. "Are you awake?" Sebastian whispered, his hands skimming down Blaine's body to stir him to alertness.

He made a quiet humming noise, almost delirious with exhaustion after months without sleep. He slipped onto his back when Sebastian moved away from him, rising to his feet and turning on the other beside lap.

"You need to get up," Sebastian said, his voice low and calm.

Blaine watched Sebastian strip out of his shirt and move towards the drawers. The other boy removed a dark long-sleeved shirt and pulled it over his head.

"Why?"

"Get dressed. Come  _on_ ," Sebastian said, his words tainted with urgency and his eyes flashing towards Blaine. There was a hint of something wild and Blaine wanted to ask what was going on but it seemed like a time when he ought to keep his mouth shut. He wasn't going to doubt Sebastian's ability to take care of him now.

He climbed from the bed and accepted the clothes Sebastian thrust at him – black jeans and a black t-shirt. He dressed with his back turned to Sebastian, listening to the other boy stalk around the room opening and closing drawers and cupboards. When he turned, Sebastian had pulled his white work clothes over his black outfit and had three stuffed backpacks dangling off his arms. Blaine fidgeted with the collar of the shirt he'd been given and sucked his lip between his teeth.

"Let's go," Sebastian said with a dismissive tilt of his head. The taller boy extinguished the light and Blaine saw the shadow of his white clothes in the dark. With no light, Blaine kept one hand on the wall and one on the bannister as he descended the stairs. Once he'd reached the bottom, shoes were pressed against his stomach and he grasped them in confusion.

"Sebastian, what-" he began but he heard the squeak of the door to Adriana's room and watched her shadow move closer. He could  _almost_  see her in the darkness.

"Seb…" she called, her voice a breath that still got Sebastian's attention.

"Mom." Sebastian abandoned one of his shoes with a clatter and Blaine could see the boy embrace his mother. He retreated to a lower step to try and pull on a shoe, all while his mind raced to understand what was happening. "I don't want to leave you, Mom. I don't-"

Sebastian's confession was hoarse, suggesting he was on the verge of tears, and Adriana made a hushing noise as if she knew his control was breaking.

"You need to do this," she said and though Blaine wanted to pretend he wasn't eavesdropping, her words explained nothing. "Just take care of each other."

"Mom, I can't -"

"You have to," Adriana insisted and Blaine ducked his head and focused on tying his shoes in the dark. "I don't blame you, Sebastian. I admire you for-"

"But what if they-"

"I can deal with whatever happens, Seb," Adriana interrupted and Blaine could imagine the stubborn stare in her eye as she stared at Sebastian. "Can you deal with whatever may happen?"

The ensuing silence wasn't reassuring. He could hear the hesitation in Sebastian's laboured breathing. The only reason he didn't demand answers was the quietest of sniffles suppressed in a mother's shoulder.

"Have you got your shoes on?"

It took him a moment to realise he was being addressed. He finished tying his laces and felt Sebastian's hand on his elbow, guiding him to his feet. Adriana opened the front door and he squinted against the darkness outside. He'd expected beams of light to stretch across the floor and when they didn't, he realised why it was so dark: the street lights were out.

He heard the soft press of Sebastian's lips to his mother's cheek before the scuffing sound of the boy picking up the bags. Blaine moved to follow but Adriana caught his arm and he stopped. He heard Sebastian's huff and continue down the path.

"Take care of my boy, Blaine," she pleaded, sounding for a moment like a broken woman. He nodded because of course he would, he'd do whatever it took to protect Sebastian, but why was such a promise needed? She folded him into a hug and he could feel her trembling. What was happened? Where were they going?

Adriana pushed him out the door and he stumbled a little in the darkness, his feet tripping towards the gate. In the shadows, he could make out a large truck parked by the side of the road but it was impossible to make out any distinguishing features that explained its presence.

Sebastian's hand slipped into his and led him to the cab of the truck. The door hinge screeched too loud in the silence and he winced but Sebastian didn't seem to pay it any attention. He climbed into the passenger seat and groped for the belt, buckling himself in while Sebastian crossed to the other side and settled into the passenger seat.

"Sebastian, what's-"

"I'll explain everything later," Sebastian said, his voice tense and silencing Blaine's attempt at gaining answers. The key turned in the ignition and the truck erupted into a rumble. Blaine stared at Sebastian in the darkness, hoping the weight of his gaze would produce something, but the other boy failed to offer any further information.

A hand brushed against Blaine's shoulder, tugging at him until he gave in and lay down in Sebastian's lap. It was an uncomfortable position to be stretched across the centre console of the truck with his cheek pressed against Sebastian's thigh.

Sebastian shifted the gearstick near Blaine's neck and the truck moved. He felt the truck turn left and right before Sebastian clicked something by the wheel and a soft glow was emitted from the dashboard. He guessed it was the headlights.

From time to time a streetlight overheard penetrated the darkness of the cab with an amber glare. In the split seconds of illumination, Blaine could see the pinched look of worry and determination on Sebastian's face.

"Don't move or say anything," Sebastian murmured, placing a gentle hand against Blaine's hair and threading his fingers through the curls. It was firm enough to keep him where he was and Blaine opened his mouth to say his neck hurt before he shut it again. The window of the truck was sliding open. "Morning, Bill!"

Sebastian's sudden change into someone jovial was jarring and Blaine frowned. Who the hell was Bill?

"Oh. Good morning." A gruff voice somewhere outside of the truck sounded as tired and confused as Blaine felt. His curiosity made it difficult not to sit up and look around and Sebastian's fingers tightened in his hair with an unspoken reminder.

"Almost ready to swap over and go home to the wife?" Sebastian said as his left hand passed something out of the window. Blaine tried to see what it was but it was too dark and the truck's door was in the way.

"Like you wouldn't believe, kid."

Sebastian's left hand returned to the wheel and Blaine thought it looked a bit too tight. His heart was in his throat as silence settled around them, a silence he knew was tense from the shallow expansion of Sebastian's chest, when there were a couple of loud thumps on the side of the truck further back. There was a hitch in Sebastian's breathing and he almost thought something had gone horribly wrong until-

"Have a good day!" Sebastian called, sliding up the window and shifting the truck into gear until it was rolling forwards again. Words lingered on the tip of Blaine's tongue, waiting for a sign that he was allowed to speak. A muscle by his hip ached from being twisted for so long and it was becoming harder and harder not to move.

Then Sebastian's hand in his hair tugged him upright and he sat up with a quiet whimper, a hand massaging the muscle as his eyes looked out of the windscreen of the truck. There was only a small section of road lit by the weak beams of the truck's headlights. When Blaine peered around, he couldn't see anything familiar. He wondered if Sebastian knew where they were or where they were going.

"I told you I'd take care of you," Sebastian said, his words unexpected and distant in the silence. Blaine turned to look at him but found the other boy's gaze fixed on the road, as if he was speaking to himself. "Whatever it took, I'd protect you."

Blaine's eyebrows knitted together again. The ring around his neck felt heavier than a millstone. "I know and I love you for that but...you've done something, haven't you?" he asked tentatively.

"It's not what I've done." Sebastian glanced towards him. The deep shadows of Sebastian's face made him appear younger, more vulnerable, more afraid, than Blaine had ever seen. "It's what I'm currently doing."

Blaine was even more confused by the riddling words. He looked out of the truck again and could only make out the faint shape of trees, endless rows of trees. He didn't know a place in town that was all trees and no streetlights or houses. He couldn't see any cars on the side of the road. His breath rattled in his throat as he said, "Sebastian, where are we?" He prided himself on how it sounded calmer than he felt.

"It's better you don't-"

He wasn't putting up with the deflection bullshit any longer. " _Sebastian_ ," he grunted.

Sebastian sighed, his fingers flexing around the wheel. "Beyond the city limits," the other male conceded quietly. The words sounded tired, like it was inevitable Blaine would have found out, and it took Blaine several seconds to comprehend the words.

" _Beyond_?" he said, coughing twice when the word squeaked from his throat. "How did we-"

"I can't tell you everything," Sebastian said and wasn't  _that_  just the most comforting thing ever. He began to think he was being kidnapped. "In my old town, I had some…friends. We kept in touch after I moved and after you got Shortlisted, I… I couldn't see you turn into my dad, Blaine. I couldn't go through that again. I couldn't lose you like I lost him."

The shame Blaine felt so often when he compared himself to Marcus surged inside him again. One of Sebastian's hands released the wheel to cover the tight ball of fingers Blaine had formed to cover the shaking. He could feel the faint tremble in Sebastian's hand and threaded their fingers together in an attempt at reassurance. Sebastian's thumb brushed against his knuckles.

"There's only one chance to get you out and save your life," Sebastian murmured. "If you really want to go back, I can turn around but there won't be another chance."

Blaine couldn't comprehend the situation. Sebastian's words hadn't removed any of the confusion. How were they beyond the city limits? What would happen to the town when the Office of the Sheriff discovered their Selected had disappeared? Why was this the only chance to leave?

"I don't understand…" he whispered and Sebastian released a breath and pulled over to the side of the road. The truck was put into park and Sebastian turned in his seat to face Blaine. The glow from the dashboard offered barely enough light to see anything. It made Sebastian's eyes look black and inhuman.

"If you want to see out your remaining days killing people once a week and hating yourself so much that you can't enjoy the company of your friends, then I can take us back and you can…exist there," Sebastian said, the correct but blunt observation of Blaine's feelings piercing at his heart. "If you want to escape that life, have the chance to  _truly_  live, then this is your only chance to get away from it. How much is your life worth to you?"

Blaine pulled his hand away from Sebastian's to press his hands into his hair. Rationally, he knew he didn't want to keep killing people and hating himself and forgetting how to smile or how to feel. He didn't want to be a marked person, living out his days wondering when his final Wednesday would come.

But if he left, what would happen to his parents or Cooper? What about Adriana? Or Nick? Or  _Rachel_? How was he meant to leave behind the family and friends he had spent the past month protecting by doing what the silver-haired man demanded? Was a new life really going to erase al that pain?

He wasn't sure they could escape the reach of the Government. The dangers stretched far and wide and how were the two of them meant to hide from that forever? It was a life spent with one eye open at night and one eye checking over his shoulder during the day. How was that  _living_?

"Where would we go?" he said. His heart ached in his chest when he realised he was considering the offer, even though he didn't believe they could escape forever. Adriana's words to take care of Sebastian made sense. She expected him to leave. She expected him to go. She'd  _known_  what was happening. Had that been her farewell? Had that been the cause of all the distance between mother and son recently?

"We're going to drive for about half an hour. That should be the point where we'll rendezvous with my contacts. My bike was hooked into the truck and hidden from the guards at the checkpoint so we'll ditch the truck and swap to that. Then it's a case of following my friends to their basecamp and just…leaving this life behind."

It all sounded so possible, so achievable, that Blaine wasn't sure whether to leap at the chance or yell at Sebastian for being so stupid and putting them in this much danger. He heard the shift of Sebastian's clothes, the lightest touch to his shoulder, before it withdrew. When he glanced towards the taller male, he had his arms wrapped around his waist and Blaine knew he was trying to hold himself together.

"I love you, Blaine," Sebastian whispered and Blaine bowed his head at the pain embedded in each word. "I couldn't bear the thought of losing you. Not if I could get you out of there. Not if I could save you."

It was impossible to believe Blaine was prepared to leave behind his parents, his brother, his friends without saying goodbye. Sebastian was fixated on taking care of him and didn't seem fazed by the consequences to others. Blaine wanted to know how Sebastian seemed okay with that – the love between Sebastian and Adriana had been unmistakable – but he was afraid of the answer. The thought of what would happen to those he was letting go was too devastating to linger on. If only he'd known what was going to happen then he could have said goodbye to Rachel and Nick. He hoped they understood what he'd done and why he'd left. If Adriana had known about the plan, he hoped she would explain it to them.

In times of stress, he reached for the ring around his neck. This was no different and his index finger hung from the loop of metal. Was he being a stupid teenager by running away with someone he loved? Was this his only option to escape being the Selected? He was afraid of becoming more of a shell, more of a ghost, but the unknown possibilities of the future ahead of him was also scary.

"You don't want to leave," Sebastian said in disbelief. Blaine peered at him through his curls and watched Sebastian fold in on himself as months of contained emotions began to bubble free. "Oh my God, I thought you- God, Blaine- I'm sorry. I just-"

Hearing Sebastian's broken despair made Blaine reach for the other boy and he pulled Sebastian into his arms. Tears slipped down his cheek when Sebastian's emotions unravelled. The rumbling of the truck hid some of the anguished sobs, but not all of them. Blaine dragged his fingers through Sebastian's hair, searching for the best way to comfort him.

"I'm scared," he murmured into Sebastian's ear, lowering his head to rest his chin by Sebastian's temple. "I'm scared that- that we'll never be safe and I- It's hard thinking about…leaving everyone behind. I didn't… I didn't expect this. It's just… _so_  much to take in, Sebastian."

"I know." Sebastian's voice cracked, his hands fisting into Blaine's shirt as if the other boy was afraid Blaine would slip away. "I  _know_  it i-is. I should have… I should have t-told you. I'm sorry."

Blaine pressed a kiss to Sebastian's hairline and rubbed a hand between the other boy's shoulder blades. Leaving was a difficult choice but he knew he couldn't return. He would be dead sooner rather than later if he went back.

"Let's go," he said, inhaling the traces of Sebastian's cologne that he knew so well and always helped to calm him down. It might have been the only thing stopping him from ending up in tears himself. "I don't want to die there."

Sebastian sniffed and raised his head. Uncertain eyes shined with tears as they stared at Blaine. "You… You're sure?"

Blaine would never be 100% sure but doubting himself would only make it worse. He grazed his lips against Sebastian's, trying to ignore the aching in his heart and the burning in his eyes as he stuck to his decision. He hoped that those he loved would still be safe after he'd abandoned the life he'd lived for the past eighteen years.

"I love you," Sebastian breathed between kisses that were coloured by desperation. "I love you. I love-"

"I love you too," Blaine echoed as he used the kisses to stitch together his splitting heart. He managed a weak smile when Sebastian kissed his nose and twined their fingers together, listening to Sebastian heave a deep breath that spoke volumes about his relief. Sebastian didn't ask him if he was sure again, instead putting the truck into gear and trundling down the road.

Blaine could see the faintest hints of colour streaking the horizon and though it was hard to tell, he thought Sebastian was driving too fast. Was their escape meant to be carried out in the dark? Were they running out of time? Had their conversation cost so much time that they wouldn't get away? Would daylight lead to their capture?

The only disruption to the silence which lapsed around them was the occasional sniff. Neither acknowledged the other's tears but their hands stayed together to fight down the fear and hurt. Blaine was conscious of every second ticking by. Every heartbeat took him further from Rachel and Nick. Every inhale swept his insides with doubt. Every exhale was tinged with the urge to say something,  _anything_ , which would reverse the situation he was in and take him back to a life that would eventually kill him.

Except every time he tried, every time he managed to wrangle the words from his stomach to his chest to his throat, they crumbled when he thought about pressing the square button and taking the lives of those he loved. At some point, he would be on the other side of that exchange. If he returned, if his escape attempt was discovered, he'd be taken out even faster. Those he loved would probably be killed in front of him first, just to amplify his torment.

Returning wasn't an option.

Sebastian's thumb rubbed against the curve of Blaine's index finger but it didn't unspool the tension coiling in Blaine's chest. He understood he needed to leave and accepted the new reality but that didn't mean he could just-

A light ahead distracted him from his musings. It was small and bright, blinking intermittently in what looked to be a pattern. It made no sense to Blaine but he felt Sebastian's hand loosen and watched the other boy flick the knob that controlled the headlights. Bursts of high beam illuminated the road in a matching pattern. He didn't know what the code meant or where Sebastian had learned it but it made him wonder what else he didn't know about the boy he'd been dating for months.

"We're here," Sebastian announced, as if Blaine hadn't been able to figure that out for himself. The truck rolled to a stop beside the flashing light and turned off. The absence of the engine made the silence beyond the truck even louder.

Sebastian pulled the three hastily packed bags from the small space behind them and slung them over his shoulders before he clambered from the truck. Blaine watched him shut the door and startled when the door beside him opened at the same time. In the shadow of the pre-dawn, a girl with dark hair tied into a ponytail stood beside him. He caught a glimpse of raised eyebrows above black eyes when a torch flashed over her face.

"Were you waiting for an invitation to move?" she said, tapping her nails against the door of the truck with a metallic tap. He had no idea who she was nor was he sure if he could trust her but Sebastian bustled her out of the way and held out his hand to Blaine.

"Come on. It's safe, I promise," Sebastian said and it took Blaine a moment to realise the white work clothes were gone and the boy was dressed in blacks. Blaine wasn't convinced it  _was_  safe but if he didn't trust Sebastian then he was in big trouble.

He released his seatbelt and climbed down from the truck, leaning into the arm that Sebastian snaked around his shoulders. Blaine glanced around. Where had the bags gone?

"Hold out your hand," the girl ordered and he frowned but complied. He didn't see it but he felt something small and sharp prick his index finger. He yelped, curling his hand towards his chest. "Thanks."

"What the hell-"

"We needed a blood sample," a male voice from his right explained and Blaine squinted against the beam of the torch to see a tall, broad shouldered man approaching them. From what Blaine could see, the person was dressed in head-to-toe black clothes and had even smeared black paint over his face. He was probably as close to invisible as Blaine had ever seen.

"Why?"

The girl sighed and Sebastian guided him away from the truck. The light from the torch shone on the passenger side of the truck and Blaine watched the girl squeeze something red from a bottle all over the door and inside the tab of the truck. The metallic scent of blood reached his nose a few seconds later and he looked up at Sebastian for answers.

"The blood in the bottle has been stripped of DNA," the strange male said. "Adding a drop of your blood will make this appear to be  _all_  your blood when the authorities find the truck. They'll trace the blood as yours and conclude you were kidnapped and killed as retribution for being Selected."

Blaine's eyes widened. What if Adriana didn't tell his parents or Cooper or Rachel or Nick the truth? What if the people he loved were told he was  _dead_? What if they thought it was Sebastian's fault for kidnapping because he was missing too?

"Relax, Blaine," Sebastian whispered with a kiss to his hair. The tension across his shoulders must have been easy to read. "It's necessary to cover our tracks. Those who need the truth will hear it when the time is right."

Blaine hoped Sebastian was right. His heart fluttered when he thought of how shattered Rachel would be if she thought Sebastian had killed him or how angry Cooper might get when he thought Blaine hadn't heeded the advice to steer clear of the strange transfer in town.

"The things we do, Hunter," Blaine heard the girl scoff before switching into hushed Spanish. Her footsteps retreated towards the back of the truck with the other male. Was his name Hunter?

He tugged at Sebastian's shirt. "Who are these people?" he whispered, hoping the strangers wouldn't be offended if he was overheard.

Sebastian pulled Blaine into his arms, chest to chest and so warm and familiar. Long fingers pressed into Blaine's spine in an attempt to knead out some of the anxiety that made his muscles taut. "The guy is a childhood friend of mine," Sebastian murmured against his ear, kissing the hinge of his jaw and making Blaine's breathing hitch. "The girl was Selected in another town and rescued."

Blaine tilted his head to see past Sebastian's body to see this childhood friend. All he could really see was he was taller than Blaine with broader shoulders than Sebastian. The girl was smaller but was still rattling off Spanish as she held the helmets to Sebastian's motorbike. Hunter was holding the handlebars and settling the bike on the side of the road.

"I'm glad you've still got this baby, Seb," the male said, lowering the kickstand and allowing the bike to rest on its own. 'This baby'? ' _Seb_ '? Just how long had they known each other? "We need to get going before we run out of darkness. Are you ready?"

"I love you," Sebastian mumbled before he kissed Blaine's forehead and pulled away. Blaine watched Sebastian find the trio of backpacks in the darkness of a ditch and hand one to Hunter and one to the girl in exchange for the helmets.

He couldn't change his mind now.

He closed the distance between them and took his helmet and the final bag from Sebastian. Pulling on the helmet was automatic even though his fingers weren't quite steady as tightened the straps. He heaved the bag over his shoulder and climbed onto the bike behind Sebastian, the same as if they were going to a party on the other side of town. His grip might have been a bit tight if Sebastian loosening his hands was any indication, but he recognised the growl of the engine and Sebastian adjusting his weight. He heard two other motorbikes spark to life and saw the pair of strangers ahead of them, waiting for Sebastian to raise the kickstand so they could go.

He released a breath and nodded against Sebastian's back, abandoning his past in the hopes of a better future.

As they took off, Blaine idly wondered if he'd finally fallen asleep and this was all a fantastical dream born of his desperation to stop killing people every Wednesday. He wondered if this whole adventure was actually the result of his incarceration in a white box capable of vividly believable holograms designed to torture him with hope before reminding him of the harsh reality of his existence.

Mostly he just wondered when all the upheaval would end.

* * *

_**~TBC~** _


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**   
**Epilogue**

* * *

He'd straddled the bike for so long that his ass was an hour past going numb. The bones in his legs felt like they'd been replaced with jelly. His arms threatened to detach and fly away in the wind kicked up by the speed they were travelling at. The wind had blasted parts of his skin for so many hours that it had surely caused some sort of damage.

Blaine had watched from his visor as the sky had erupted in all the colours of the rainbow when the sun had risen a while ago, but it was the only change to their immediate surroundings. Endless rows of trees towered above them and concealed any obvious landmarks. Blaine had never seen so many trees for so many hours and the monotony of it made it difficult to stay awake and difficult to keep track of how long they'd been on the bike. An hour? Two? Would Rachel have gone to the Smythe house to see them? Would someone have realised they were missing? Would the guards at the checkpoint realise Sebastian's truck hadn't returned?

The bike veered to the left as Sebastian turned onto an almost invisible path in his pursuit of the pair of strangers. The path took them past the first row of trees and Sebastian slowed the bike as he weaved between thick trunks and wild bushes. From time to time, it juddered over exposed roots. Blaine winced because it was hard enough to stay upright without bouncing all over the place.

After another span of time, half an hour to an hour if Blaine had to guess, the bike slowed to a stop. Blaine didn't believe he could let go. He didn't trust his body to cooperate and hold him up. It was Sebastian who removed his helmet first, hanging it from the handlebars and climbing off the bike which nearly dragged Blaine with him.

"We're here," Sebastian said, his fingers loosening the helmet straps around Blaine's neck and peeling it from his head. Sebastian chuckled at his drooping eyes when he sagged into the other boy's chest. "C'mon, Blaine. Let's find you a bed."

Sebastian's hands guided him to wobbly feet and he clung to Sebastian while the other boy, Hunter, appeared by his other side. Blaine could see tufts of blond-brown hair poking out from the hem of a black beanie. The whites of his eyes stood out against the black paint covering his face. Blaine thought he looked like a monster.

He glanced around as he was half-dragged in the direction of a set of log cabins. Clearly this was some sort of campsite although he couldn't have told anyone where it was or why it existed. He could hear the squeal of children yelling and laughing in the distance but he couldn't pinpoint the direction it was coming from. To his right, three people sat on a log with their heads bowed together as they talked. They didn't seem to take as much notice of him as he did of them.

"We'll place you in the third cabin," the girl said, striding ahead of them and waving her hand towards a building that looked the same as any other. "It's next to-"

"Sebastian?"

Sebastian's arm around his waist faltered. It was difficult to stay on his feet when he could feel the other boy weakening. He looked up at Sebastian but the green gaze was over his head so he followed it to see a male, probably in his late forties, standing with a metal pot in his left hand and a drying cloth in his right. He seemed as frozen to the spot as Sebastian. Blaine blinked.

"Sebastian?" the man repeated, making it obvious he knew who Sebastian was but who was-

"Dad?" Sebastian breathed, offloading Blaine to Hunter as he stumbled a few steps to the left, towards the man, towards- "Dad, is it really-"

Blaine was grateful Hunter caught him as he watched Sebastian fling his arms around the man's shoulders. He could see Sebastian was shaking and knew the boy was crying, and Blaine felt like he was intruding on a moment he should never have seen even though he couldn't tear his eyes away from the man. He could see a similarity in their jawlines, in the slope of their nose and the curve of their eyebrows, in the colour of their hair. He could see what Adriana had meant by Sebastian looking like his father but…

That meant that this man... This man was Marcus?

Marcus was  _alive_?

It looked like the convoluted life Blaine had just escaped from had been mere preparation for the real challenges which still lay ahead.

* * *

_**~FIN~** _

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm so self-conscious about posting this fic that I would love some of your thoughts.
> 
> (Although this ends with 'FIN', I am already formulating a sequel in my head. Stay tuned!)


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